these "episodes" "dizzy spells" "seizures"
whatever the fuck they are to be called
they are being more defined now by when they aren't happening than when they are
i am not having good days
i am just barely making it
the razors, the pills, the trains
all seem more tempting
but tuesday is just 4 days away
promise and pessimism there meet
if he cannot help me
if he cannot say what is
then there will be no reason to believe this decent will not continue
but he may be able to give me a magic pill
a way out of this spiral
a salvation in a bottle

four days
live
die
hope
forget
breathe
release