*hugs*

I just wish i had a lady bug for you...:(
xox
Crumples

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I am NOT the person who emailed Lake. But I was thinking when I saw your post that by posting it, you were possibly subconsciously hoping that somebody would do that. I think you knew she would find out, by whatever means. I don't think you want to die. I don't mean you are faking -- what I mean is that I think you REALLY want to live.

Please do.

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I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I think that if I were able to find a way out without making too much of a mess of thing, it would be easier for all involved. I don't know how possible that is with Lake knowing. She'll keep an eye on me, and not only that, it'll just make the pain so much worse if she sees it coming. I don't know what to do now. I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to be homeless again. Worse, I'm scared I'm going to drag Lake down with me this time.

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But you know what, I think those of us who have severe depression are going to feel that way no matter how things are going. I mean, you'd probably find it ludicrous, but I want to stop living on a regular basis, think about how to off myself, whatever. It comes with the territory, and there's no cure...maybe mitigation...but no absolute cure.

I don't have anything concrete or positive to offer. You're in a really bad place, and anything I say will be "easy for me to say". All I do know, and this is as someone who has a lot in common with you mental-health-wise, is that you can give in or you can refuse to let the sickness lick you. Because it's the disease that's bringing you down, NOT your circumstances. And that's something that all depressed people share, no matter how good or how bad they've got it.

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i hope you feel better!! **hugs**

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