Didn't actually make it to Walgreens yesterday. We fell asleep. Stupid really, because now my hormones are going to be fucked up for a day or two. I'm going to go first thing when Walgreens opens. I think that's at 8, but I'm not sure. Our feet are feeling better, I think I'll be able to make the walk no problem.

Got a lot to do today. Aside from going to Walgreens, I want to put the livingroom door back up, paint wish pods, work on wings, do some cleaning, and repair several articles of clothing. Giving how much I accomplished yesterday, all that is probably unrealistic, but I shall try anyway. Mazzy is meowing for food, so I might as well feed the kitties now.

A little late, I'm off to Walgreens. As I was getting ready to get out the door, off pops the top button of the blouse I'm wearing. I quickly sewed it back on, unfortunately, I don't think that counts toward my goal for the day of mending clothes, as I want to get ahead in clothing repair and that's only breaking even.

I've been looking for my orange journal, which covers my second visit to Bournewood. There's a poem in there I want to post to one of the communities I'm a member of. I've looked everywhere. Even Lake, who is amazingly adept at finding things, failed to locate it. I scraped up my leg putting a large box back in the closet after looking under it. In addition hurting myself on purpose, I'm also quite skilled at doing it accidentally.

I have accomplished one of my goals for today already. I did quite a bit of cleaning. Not all that needs to be done, but I didn't intend to do it all today. If I keep at it for the next few days it should get done without becoming an all-encompassing chore.

My feet only sort of hurt. These shoes are taking longer to break in then most. I think these backs of the shoes are more ridged then those I've previously worn.

I know I shouldn't of picked up that roll of Shock Tarts. I love them. That brings me up to 800 calories today. As long as I don't exceed 1500, I don't have to get rid of anything. So, in addition to attempting to accomplish all my goals for the day, I'm going to also try to stay within that boundary.

Two down, four to go.

I'm moving along today. I washed the basket of wish pods Lake and a former roommate harvested for me quite some time ago, set them up to dry, and just finished painting a bunch of wish pods I'd already cleaned. Soon I'll have to go back out to pick up material for the dragonfly wings. I meant to get it when I went to Walgreens for my Spironolactone, but I forgot. All this walking around is good for me, anyway.

The smell in the room from painting is a bit overwhelming, so I'm going to go spend some time in the livingroom.

The livingroom door is up! It was a lot more work than I had expected, but it's up. My arm is a bit sore. I'm going to take a nice break in front of the fan before I take on my next project.

I lost $20 on the way back home. I hate myself. Fuck! Slices on my arm sting from the point of the little lancet. I'd kept it in my purse for quite sometime. Was doing so good, but I deserve the pain. It wasn't Cyndi this time. It wasn't. I did it. Shirley.

I worked on making the wings, again the material didn't work. It's still pulling too hard on the wires. I need something longer. I know now just what I need. I have to go out again. The frame is ready, I just have to put on the membrane and paint it. Finding the right membrane has been the problem. I have a good feeling my next try will work. Even though I knew what I needed to do, the thought of going out again depressed me, so I laid in the bed for a bit.

When I got up, I called Pam. She cheered me up. She asked me how I was eating today. I told her well, which is true. She's going to get a LiveJournal, so we can keep up with each other's lives. I hope she figures out when she can come visit soon. I hadn't seen her for almost 10 years, then I got to visit with her on my last trip to Missouri. We caught up on a lot, but there is still so much more.

I decided I put to much pressure on myself. Stress and pressure is something that really does a number on me. My system works really well at first under it, but ends up falling apart. My last job was like that. Really high stress. I did really well at first, but ended up in the psych ward.

Now, I'm trying to just sit back and relax. I've made myself a Diet Dr. Pepper spiked with vodka. I put the vodka from the freezer in first and the glass cracked in half. Realizing my error, for the second glass I put the Diet Doctor Pepper in first. Now I'm going to just try to relax for the rest of the day. No more worry about goals and getting everything done. I know I didn't make it, but I have to keep telling myself I was unrealistic. I knew that at the beginning, but somewhere along the line I forgot.

This wonderful vodka liquid stuff is wonderful. I'm feeling better. Yes I am. I know Percy says I'm a "public embarrassment" when I'm floopy, but I don't care. Fuck him. When I drink, I need to drink. Vodka makes everything wobbly and not sad. I like that. I hate hating myself. I forget to do that sometimes when I'm drunk.

I need to find some of the other various substances I like to consume. I'm not sure where to get those sorts of substances at this moment, but seek I shall. Alternate states, are just that: alternatives.