Just emptied the closet in my room trying to find one of my journals. I didn't realize there was so much useless old junk piled in that closet. It's all sprawled across the floor of my room, which wasn't too clean to begin with. I haven't the energy to deal with it all now. I'm going to go to bed and will sort through the stuff tomorrow. I will take the opportunity to clean up the rest of the room as well. Still haven't found that journal. I have no idea where it could be.

Within the closet sprawl lay a mostly emptied bag of Science Diet cat food. Madeleine, determined to get the few remaining pellets, stuck her head through the hole in the bag. Her effort was rewarded, as she got to the pellets. However, the hole which was just large enough to get her head in didn't seem large enough to get it out. She flailed around the room trying to get the bag off her head. After laughing a little (which probably didn't help her any), I went over and pulled the bag off her head. She was very embarrassed, as cats can get, and slunk out of the room.

For breakfast today I made Lake and I heart shaped biscuits and broccoli gravy. Yum!

We've decided to have a yard sale Saturday with all the junk we've accumulated. Right now I'm sorting the junk into trash and sell piles. It's a big project, and with the heat today I'm not going at a very speedy pace. Everything needs to be ready for our spacial contraction when the roommates move in next month.

In the piles of junk I did find two fans. One of them didn't work, but the other does and is perfect to replace the one that broke yesterday.

Got some done earlier today, but the last few hours have been waves of depression alternating with nervousness and anxiety. The half-finished projects have left the apartment looking like a bomb has gone off. Lake says yellow jackets have moved in where we would be holding the yard sale. That means I have to think of some alternative method of shedding junk. I'm worried about cutting. Maybe we should let Cyndi come out and release myself into the pain for a while. That is sounding nice. She often doesn't come when we want her to, though. She sets her own schedule. She comes out when she wants to. She has her own ways, which are a fear and mystery to me.

I love Lake dearly, but I don't always connect with her. There is much that for all her good will, she can only stand and watch. I wish I had someone to talk to that could relate to what I'm going through. No one I know really has the problems I do. I wish I knew people I could really talk to. The closest person I have to someone I can relate to is Kat. She's not DID, but she has been through a lot and can understand a lot of what I've been though and am going through. We don't seem to get together that much, though. I don't know if she really is that interested in me. I love the time we spend together, but it's just not much.

Tonight, I'm going to probably drink alone. I used to say I'd never drink alone, but there is no one who currently wishes to drink with me, so when I drink, I drink alone. I would really love to find someone to get trashed with, and just not care. I don't know if I really care if they could understand me or not. I just want to forget about things a while, and that is easier to do with someone else. Tonight, Lake will be productive and I will drink alone.

I am floopy. I decided to go out an rent a movie. After roaming the video store for about a half hour, I decided I should get a movie I know and love. Searching about another 15 minutes I decided upon "Fried Green Tomatoes". Lake, it turns out, had never seen the movie before. She loved it. I knew she would, it is a fabulous movie. Mazzy also watch the movie with us. She's such a sweet cat. Anyway, everything seems wobbly now, as you might guess. You being me or anyone else reading this journal currently. This entry is boarding on self referential. Oh, well, I guess it is now. Anyway, I think it's bed for me soon. Good nite, and may tomorrow be tomorrow and that being another day may it also be tomorrow. Good nite.