In a journal entry dated August 17^th, 2000 in one of my handwritten journals, I wrote the following poem about a yellow Exacto knife I owned at the time. About 5 days ago I posted the poem to the painfulsecrets community. I thought I'd share it here.

My Yellow Savior My yellow saviour Thin blade for my skin Cut out my sorrow Bleed out my pain My yellow saviour Help me to feel Let out my anger Untie my knots My yellow saviour I love you

While we were on the way home from the Diesel last night, Mandy told me she knew another mtf transsexual who has DID. She said she'll introduce us. We've only know one other multiple, when we lived in Columbia. I miss her. The prospect of meeting another multiple transwoman is exciting.

At least I accomplished one must-do task today. I cleaned almost all of the seemingly insurmountable pile of dirty dishes. Another task I did a lot of work on, although it wasn't a must-do task, was going through and deleting the mp3s I didn't want. I'm limited on disk space and if I want to download new ones I must get rid of some. Off to bed and off tomorrow for our final visit to our current psychiatrist.

Just got back from what we thought was going to be the last visit to our current psychiatrist. Apparently her replacement won't be taking over until after the 7th of September.

We ended up telling her things in a depth we've never gone into with any psychiatric professional. In exchange, she gave us a new prescription: Risperdal. I've been on it before with little results, but this is a higher dosage.

I guess she thought our visit was productive, because she kept us an extra half-hour. That's definitely not the norm for psychiatrists, so she must think it was some sort of breakthrough.

After much trepidation, we decided to give the new prescription a try. If it has no effect or makes us foggy we'll stop taking it. Our pdoc says it'll make it easier to keep Cyndi under control. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but again, we'll give it a try.