I just did my daily weight check, and I weighed in over 185lbs. I'd placed a upper limit on my weight at 185, which means now I must diet. I will diet until I'm below 180lbs, then let it go. I'm not going to go the unhealthy route like last time. More exercise and a diet of 2000 calories is the order of the day.

Several friends of mine tell me that I should dress "normal" so I will blend in and therefore pass better. When I first came out (9 years ago) as transgendered, I did try to blend in. I came across Shahrazad, a good friend of mine, at a bus stop. Shahrazad asked me why I was dressed "Plain Jane" when I wasn't "Plain Jane" at all. I thought about it, and decided there was little point in being out if I wasn't going to look and be me. So ever since then, I've worn what I want to wear, not what would be normal or nondescript. Yes it makes me pass less, but passing isn't the most important thing in the world.

I bought chips. I ate them, and then Lake woke up and caught me, so we weren't able to purge. Shirley is the neurotic one among us (at least the most so). She's very particular about our weight. Many of us, myself included, don't see it as such a big deal. But we need to work together to all be happy, so I think weight is something we all should watch. Bingeing and purging is sort of a nice compromise sometimes. Those of us not worried about our weight get to eat, while those who worry don't gain weight. It throws the whole thing off balance when Lake catches us and we don't get to purge. I know the whole thing is ridiculous and bad for the body, but sometimes it seems to make some sense.

We are planning on trying to fast tomorrow in order to make up for not purging the chips. I know that's ridiculous, but that's the current plan. Willpower is always a large factor in such plans, and we tend to possess too little to actually carry them out.