I have foiled myself. I'd just eaten a bunch of peanuts and a bowl of spaghetti O's. I had planned on purging after eating. But in a moment of clarity, I took my evening meds, which prevents me from purging because if I want to keep the meds in me I can't vomit! I may have screwed us over tonight, but it's really for the good of our health.

Okay, my weight is going seriously the wrong way. Starting a diet tomorrow, and going to stick to it. And no more of this bingeing and then stopping myself from purging bullshit. From now on if we binge, we purge: period.

Lake and I went on a cleaning spree today, and as a result this place is cleaner than it has been for months (exceptions being the playroom and the big room, both of which have seen better days). It's so nice having a clean house. Well have to start keeping a tidier apartment now that Petra's going to live with us.

I know that by my own politics my weight doesn't matter. I find other people who aren't skinny more attractive than those who are. So, why do I get hyperparanoid about my weight? Why do I care? I don't know. I really need more therapy, I guess. I need more than this two half-hours a month crap I've been getting. I need real therapy. Something's just not working right in my logic.

I am now the proud owner of a LiveJournal paid account (if only for 2 months).