Lake and John are freaked out because I dug into my foot with my fingernails and bled on the floor. It wasn't all that much blood. I've been drifting downward the last few hours. Pain helps me keep level. I don't think anyone gets it.

They're both talking that we're not serious about solving our problems because we won't integrate. I don't think that's necessary. I value my independence. I trust the others feel the same way. Those that I've discussed this with do. We think integration is a painful and scary idea. We just need stability, not integration.

I went off my diet again and started taking my meds. Result - 5 pounds in 2 days! That is unacceptable. I'm back on the diet as of right now, maybe even a little stricter. I'm going to keep the meds until I see my new pdoc Wednesday. After I've talked with her, I'll decide wether or not I want to keep taking all the meds.

My parent bought the tickets. I'm flying to Missouri for 11 days on the 4th of October. They said fares have been discounted.

I'm a bit worried, not just about hijackers, but about what happens if I flip out in Missouri. I don't want to get stuck in any Missouri mental institution. Been there, done that.

I will make it for Archon, a large sci-fi convention in Saint Louis. I haven't gone to Archon in 8 or 9 years. It should be interesting and fun. Lots of parties and, if I remember correctly, lots of drugs and alcohol.