zarthon came over this afternoon. We played the evil game a couple of times. He convinced me to give Anne another try. I've got a new appointment with her tomorrow. He also said he was going to help us out with our disability appeal. He's one of my all time bestest friends.

After zarthon left, I got ready to go see freyja. Another person from LiveJournal that I'd never seen IRL. We both got Chai at the Diesel Café (We found a seat immediately after we arrived!!!!) I really enjoy this new habit of meeting lj friends IRL.

I can't deal with another confrontation with Bebe, so my new plan is to be overly-concerned.

Everytime I see her wobbly I've been asking, "are you feeling well? You don't look well. Are you sure your feeling well? Okay, you're sure?".

If I hear her fall down (which she does a lot), I ask, "Are you okay? That didn't sound good. Do you need some help? Are you sure you're okay? Are you really sure, that sounded horrendous."

Everytime she passes out somewhere other than her room or throws up I ask, "Do we need to take you to the hospital again? Are you sure? You don't seem to be okay, are you sure we shouldn't call someone? Are you really sure?"

Every time I'm simply sitting in the kitchen with her, I go on, "Have you called rehab yet today? You know this is going to kill you. You're ripping apart your innards. You're going to die a painful death from internal organ failure if you keep this up much longer, or you might fall over and hurt yourself badly. You know you should really stop."

These aren't things I just mention in passing or occasionally. I'm determined to say something along these lines everytime I see her. No respite! Either I'll drive her into rehab or I'll drive her away. Either is fine with me.

I printed this out and left it on the kitchen table with a note attached that read "Bebe, I thought this might help you. Take care of yourself." I plan to leave some helpful information for her to read every 2 or 3 days. Maybe I can get some pamphlets from Alcoholics Anonymous.

At the end of today's therapy session, Anne gave me a sheet entitled "Ways and Means to Cope with Stress". I looked down the list and figured out how each suggestion pertains to me.

Suggestion	My take
Get up earlier	Good idea. I can get up with purpleglitter every morning and make her breakfast. I like doing that.
Prepare ahead	Not always possible.
Set Appointments	I do.
Write it down	I try to remember. I could probably do a better job, though.
Practice preventative Maintenance	Not always possible.
Say "No" more often	Something I should really take to heart. I'm such a pushover.
Set Priorities	My priorities are ever shifting.
Avoid Negative People	Impossible.
Seek out Positive People	Good idea, but hard to do.
Anticipate Needs	Not always possible.
Break down large tasks	I try to remember. I could probably do a better job, though.
Look at problems as challenges	I'm far too jaded.
Look at challenges differently	I'm far too jaded.
Unclutter your life	Easier said than done.
Smile	Seems fake, doesn't do much for me.
Prepare for rain	Not always possible.
Don't know all the answers	I can't help it if I do.
Look for the silver lining	I'm far too jaded.
Say something Nice	I'm almost always nice to other. Probably too nice.
Walk in the rain	I love doing that!
Schedule play time	Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Be aware of your decisions	I try.
Believe in yourself	I suck and I know it.
Stop talking negatively	Easier said than done.
Stop thinking tomorrow will be	Hell, maybe it won't. One can only hope.
Have goals	My goals are ever shifting.
Look at the stars	I love the stars. They are so amazingly far away.
Breath slowly	Good relaxation technique. I try to use it occasionally.
Do something new	Always a good idea.
Buy a flower	Good idea.
Smell the flower	Of course.
Do it today	I'm far to much of a procrastinator.
Be optimistic	That would be unrealistic.
Strive for excellence	And fail miserably.
Have a plan "B"	Always a good idea.
Learn a new song	Sounds fun.
Get to work earlier	No job.
Eat a meal by candlelight	I love doing that!
Remember your options	Works when you have some.
Talk less listen more	Always a good idea. I really talk to much.
Keep a journal	That's what this is.
Drive a different route to work	No job.
Doodle	Do that all the time.
Watch a movie and popcorn	Do that, however, usually without the popcorn.
Stop a bad habit	Easier said than done.
Do something new	Already covered this one.
Remember stress is an attitude	Whatever.
Relax, take each day at a time	Easier said than done.
You have the rest of your life	However long or short it may be.

It appears my computer has left us for a better place. It made a loud click, then blackness. Nothing. No sound. No lights. Nothing. Just the stale smell of ozone hanging in the air.