The last few days have been a roller coaster. I had a very good dinner with purpleglitter Tuesday. We ate at Yee's Village in Davis Square. Cheap, incredibly good Chinese food. We had many good conversations. I very much enjoy spending time with purpleglitter and will hopefully see her over the weekend.

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Wednesday night I saw a floater. A 5 year old boy named Noname. It's strange because all of us in the Central Group are female or neuter. Having a boy alter doesn't change the fact that we are female and will eventually get the operation and continue hormones. The overwhelming majority of us are still female, and we still intend on getting the body corrected.

The walls were behaving very strangely Wednesday night as well, and there was a particularly scary door I saw from my childhood. I was too afraid to open it, even though I know I must soon. Next time I see it I intend on actually opening the damned thing and looking inside.

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The group at the Woman's Center went well. I was a bit nervous about being accepted there, as they just changed their policy regarding transsexuals. However, all went well and I'll be going back next week.

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I had a very bad episode last night. Woke up around 3am in full panic mode accompanied by partially blocked flashbacks that caused physical pain. I'm very glad merryperseis was there next to me. It was incredibly scary, and I couldn't guess how long it lasted. I did eventually get back to sleep however.

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I start the Options day program Monday instead of today. Today maybe I'll give cleaning my room a try.

I just called my Grandma and Grandpa on the phone. I haven't talked to them for well over 5 years. It felt nice to talk to them again. A lot seems to have changed. They were excited to hear from me. They were okay with me being on SSDI, something I was worried they'd have a problem with. They told me they accept me as I am. My grandma even called me "Beverly", which made me so utterly happy. She told me she loved my poem Broken Angels that I sent her, and the she would send me some of her writing. I feel I've gotten back a part of my family that was missing.There are still some subjects I can't broach with them, like issues surrounding DID. But, I exited about the renewed relationship I have them now. Strange are the paths life takes you through.

my brain is going to pop soon. that's why we've been doing so badly lately. everything is about to come out. everything is about to explode. it's so close. i can feel it and i'm afraid. the monsters are coming for me. i hear there mumblings. i feel their claws. i'm scared. everything is going to pop soon. everything is going to pop soon.