I meant to post this this morning, but I accidentally posted it in davis_square rather than my own journal. Oops. Well, here it is in the right place now.

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invalid_userid came down to visit for the weekend. We had big fun. She arrived Saturday, zarthon came over, and we pretty much just mellowed out for the evening.

Yesterday we all went to the aquarium. We saw penguins mating and projectile shitting. Projectile shit was one of the things we went to see. purpleglitter saw it on TV and thought it was the coolest thing. I also got to hold several animals at one of the exhibits including a starfish and a horseshoe crab. However, my favorite part was the jelly exhibit. So many beautiful jellyfish. I especially liked the upside down jellies that host algae and photosynthesize some of their own food. I had just read about them, and was very excited to see the green beauties.

Last night, invalid_userid told me a lot about DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). It sounds like really powerful stuff. I want to try. I can't believe that it has never been offered to me before. I feel like it could really help me. I understand it's a lot of work, but I believe it is worth it. I want to heal. I want to get better. And DBT sounds like a way to make that possible.

I hope invalid_userid comes back down soon, I had such a good time.

I missed my appointment with my primary care doc this morning. But I made my other two. The first one I made it to was my endocrinologist. We discussed the regular hormone issues and she did an examination. We also talked about diabetes. I have a family history of diabetes and am on Geodon, which increases my risk. She is concerned that my increased weight is a unnecessary additional risk factor. She wants me to see a dietician and lose some weight. I don't know if I want to see a dietician, but I will try to follow her orders about weight loss. One thing she wants me to do is exercise, so every day I'm going to try taking a half hour walk. Furthermore, I'm going to start Project Three Meals again, that's three reasonable meals and a healthy snack. I think I'm going to include the exercise as a part of my third attempt at Project Three Meals. This means no more junk food for me.

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Robin (my therapist) and I went through my record. First she read me Sonali's notes (a therapist I saw 2 years ago). I've improved greatly since then. The difference between then and now made me smile, because if I continue to improve at the same rate, I can imagine where I'll be at in another 2 years.

Next we went over Fatima's notes (my therapist before Robin and after Sonali). There was a shock in there. Fatima thought that I may have "factitious disorder", which means she though I might be faking my symptoms. I'm shocked, because she never said anything about those suspicions to me. Robin said she didn't think I was faking my symptoms and told me that she believe Fatima's assessment was caused by her inexperience. But regardless, it threw me for a loop. I've always worried "what if I'm making this all up?", "what if I'm faking it, even to myself?". I've come to the conclusion that I'm not faking it, but I still worry sometimes. It's a natural fear, because so many people don't believe in dissociation. I don't like that fear, and it hit me right in the face when the notes were read to me. I'm happy I have Robin as my therapist now, who seems to understand these things better.