i've stopped taking my geodon
i feel completely awful
i can barely walk
my jaw is clinched very tightly
all my muscles are twitching
but it must be done
i believe i'm am quite possibly up for a very unpleasant experience
i don't doubt that this will be very not fun
but i'm not doing it for entertainment
i'm not doing it to see the pretty lights
i'm doing it because i need to
for reasons i cannot say
maybe if i do it i can
i know to most this will seem a very illogical course of action
but i know it must be done

i'm very tempted to take geodon
call the whole thing off
i'm not even sure i'll have acid for tonight
so this might be for nothing anyway
i know just two pills out of that bottle and i'll feel all better
the shaking will go away
my head will stop screaming
it's really crazy what i'm doing to myself
but i won't give up
it's very hard to type, so i'm not going to type anymore

acid will just have to wait for another time
i can't stand this anymore
what makes me think acid will do anything but tear my brain apart
i mean i can barely hold it together without it
i'm going to give this more thought
more thought in a stable state
i'm not saying i'm not going to do it
just not today
i'm going to take my geodon now
and try to think rationally if this is even a good idea

geodon has kicked in
feel much better
i still want to try going off my geodon and take acid
i just want to plan it out better
make sure i have a babysitter who is willing to deal with extreme freaking out
i need to have a plan what i'm going to do the next day
i can't do this haphazardly like i was going to
that would likely end in disaster.
so planning
that is this stage.