I need to calm down. I'm grumpy and venomous toward others, and much more so than usual and deserved. While I still save my strongest anger and bile for myself, I've been directing more of it towards others lately and that is wrong. I need to take it back in. Either that or learn to direct it better. There's just so much bubbling up right now it's hard not to let some of the steam out.

Good news: my cane didn't break as I thought, it is merely damaged.

In my last post I mentioned I've been grumpy and venomous towards others. However, for the most part I have not confronted them, it is more in the vein of complaining about at length. And while some of these people have done things I should be complaining about, the amount of complaining I'm doing and the amount of vitriol I'm doing it with often does not match the deeds done. Of course now I'm beating myself up over that. I'm bad. And to add to that I can barely type right now. I'm almost ready to fall off the seat. Everything is dizzy and twitch. I don'

I've been having "episodes" all day, more intense since around 1pm. Dizzy, twitchy, fally. More and more often I'm briefly losing consciousness. What was before extremely rare is now uncommon. I don't like the change. I've been trapped in the episode cycle for the last several hours and haven't been able to get out of it. Coming in waves, it sometimes feels I may break free then I'm pushed back down.

This morning, zarthon picked me up for therapy today and took me to the Arlington Diner for breakfast beforehand. Unfortunately, my therapist called to cancel after we had left. I waited over a half hour for her before leaving the clinic. Very frustrating because the people at the sign-in should have known that my appointment was canceled and yet did nothing. I fell down trying to find where zarthon had parked and some idiot bitch (there's some of that venom I was talking about) got security because I wouldn't get up. She didn't call because she was worried, she made that clear by the manner in which she addressed me and by barking at a nice man trying to help me up to not give me a hand. She escorted escorted the nice man to the building leaving me alone on the pavement in the parking lot. She did it because she didn't think the situation looked "proper", because she was another annoying busybody in a world full of annoying busybodies. I did manage to get up with the help of my damaged but still functional cane before security accosted me.

I talked to my therapist on the phone when I got home and have a new appointment Thursday that zarthon will drive me to.