My cane is dying. The wood is cracking more and more. It is only a matter of time before it snaps in half. It is my own fault, as I damaged it hitting myself with it. My anger is getting out of hand. I feel very trapped, and with the amount of falling down I'm doing I'm afraid that I'll feel even more trapped without a cane. I can't afford to get myself a new one.

I went out very upset. I was originally going to do bad suicidal things, but I looked over to Spy Pond and something hit me. I could find a new cane under the trees behind the fence. I walked along the fence on the muddy slope on the shore of Spy Pond. Nothing approaching anything suitable. Something told me to go a little further. There I found a twisted fallen branch. A bit too long, but it is very sturdy and just the right shape. It feels right. It feels meant to be. I thanked the tree then headed back to purpleglitter's house. I need to take the branch to the house_of_clocks and fix it up in the playroom and I will have my new cane.

i don't know. i want this to stop. my head need to stop. i don't know how to explain this. i've been trying, but i don't think it's possible. it hurts. it fucking hurts. i don't know how to explain. anything to make it stop. i will do anything. anything. i don't care anymore. i just want it to stop. i don't care if it's jumping in front of a train or shooting heroin. i really don't. i can't do this anymore. i can't. please. i can't. i keep going. i'm still fucking here for some stupid reason. i don't want to be. i don't want to exist. i don't want to be here. why can't i leave? why haven't i left? this is not life. i'm just becoming more twisted. i am as a wounded animal. i only see the pain. i do not want to exist here.