Ground. Center. Outside the window, Sol is gracing brightly the snowlined streets. Cars speed by splashing in the puddles of icemelt. In a blink of an eye, the brilliance of spring will eclipse the desaturated tones of winter. Nothing is static, change is the order of the day. The future is arriving now; leave behind what was, acknowledge what is, and make what will be.

I am filled with both peace and rage. A paradox, yes. The peace is new, the rage is old, both come from the depths, both are powerful, and both have been showing themselves of late. Many years ago, a fellow patient at Bournewood called me a contradiction. That is what I am, my most essential quality. Be that as it is, I have come to prefer the new peace to the old rage, and I need to work to enhance the first and temper the second.

Just when I though I had absolutely no money until my check comes at the beginning next month, I find a fifty in an old pocketbook of mine.

O frabjous day! Calloh! Callay!

I saw my neurologist today. I though I was prepared this.

Half of the EEG session could not be read, and nothing was identified in the half of the EEG data that was interpretable. There will be no more tests. No one knows what the fuck is going on, and it is likely no one will ever know. Time to start living my life with the assumption that the current episode trend will continue indefinitely, because I have absolutely no reason to believe otherwise. At least this frees me from having to worry about the long term, because there probably won't be one for me. While that thought may be a bit depressing to me at this moment, I know that it is actually a good thing. It's a licence not to care what happens to me. I can cast off the ropes that bind me to this world. Let me look with this new sight and see the darkness bright.