Yesterday, for breakfast I had tomatoe soup with parmesan cheese; for lunch I had paneer tikka masala wrapped in a tortilla; for dinner I had spaghetti in tomatoe sauce with mushrooms, peppers, and parmesan cheese; for my first healthy snack I had peanuts; for my second healthy snack I had pumpkin seeds. I got in a good hour long walk around Arlington.

I would have made it, however I foiled myself first thing yesterday morning. Before I was awake enough to remember I was starting Project Five, I started gnawing on some thai barbecue tortilla chips.

More and more over the years Cyndi has become more of a guide. It's not like she wasn't before, when I was afraid of her, I just didn't understand what she was trying to show me: that no one could save me, I had to save myself.

She's still around and while she can still be a bit rough at times, she is more helpful. Yesterday, during our walk, she showed me how to control the flow of time. Now that may sound a bit completely fucking insane at first, but allow me to explain.

I'm not talking about time travel or anything like that, I'm talking about the speed of perceived progression. I'm sure everyone reading this has at one time or another experienced a dramatic moment that went in slow motion. Some of you may have taken one of the various drugs that can produce a time dilation effect such as lsd or seroquel. Yesterday, Cyndi was showing me how to intentionally trigger that slow motion effect without a dramatic event or drugs.

I'm not quite adept at it yet – I can do it well in a calm setting, but it gets significantly more difficult if there is a commotion around. With practice that may change. The ability to make the good things last a bit longer, or at least feel as if they last a bit longer, has a lot of appeal.