| Questioning Medication
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| Date and
Time |
- | Jan. 21st, 2004, 01:10 pm | |
| Current Mood |
- |  annoyed | |
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I saw my pdoc today. I asked her when I would know it's time to stop taking my meds. She said now is definitely not the time. She said I'd need to stay out of the hospital for at least a year and stop dissociating for me to be ready to stop my meds. The staying out of the hospital criteria might be acceptable, but I'm worried she's hinting at integration by saying that I need to stop dissociating. We're a multiple system. And we plan to stay a multiple system. Regardless if I'm front the vast majority of the time nowadays, I still am against integration. We exist. And we will continue to exist. We will not integrate. I'll have to discuss this more next time I see her in March. I can always stop taking my meds on my own, but I'd rather do it in a supervised manner. But if my pdoc continues with unreasonable criteria, I may have to do it on my own eventually.
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| Comments: |
It is possible that she simply doesn't want you all to dissociate without any control? I hope that is what she means anyway. When I was in the hospital, either way was fine with the docs. You could chose to intergrate OR choose to live with all your parts intact, it was how you lived with them that was important.
Hope you don't mind me throwing in my 2 cents.
Yeah. Unless really tired here, swapovers are mostly conscious, or are at least okay with all concerned, and if someone's doing something a little out of control, someone else can always step in and take over if it looks like it might be a problem.
we totally want to stay like this too. momma doesnt want us to go way and we dont eeder. some people are meant to be like this, we tink. is not right to pressure yoo into integrating.
Would it be reasonable to aim for a goal of having, oh, I don't know the terminology. More than one up at once, and being able to share all memories?
co-consciousness is the term.
I am NOT NOT NOT "integrated", and have no plans to be, and definitely NOT on meds. The idea about being able to stay out of the hospital for a year may be a good one though.
I think trying to kill off (or merge or whatever) major parts of myself would do more harm than good. And who would we merge into? The person we were born as, whom most people would like to assume is "me", is dead. I used magick to artificially construct a personality who could handle the rest of the world (we call her "Raven's Star"), and every once in a while I commune with the little girl ghost when she comes to visit. As long as everyone understands she is essentially in charge when non-family members are around, its all good. At night when the "normal" people are gone, the others are allowed to come out and play.
Wow. You seem like a really amazing person. I've not had much experience with such interesting people. I'm very inquisitive. Even during my stay in the hospital, while we had schizophrenics, nobody with MPD came. It's so intruiging... would you mind talking to me one day, teaching me what you know, your base opinions, the such?
I'm not completely convinced that multiplicity and dissociation are necessarily related (connected perhaps but not inseperable). We *do* dissociate occasionally but not often; most of our switching is without dissociation. We are mostly (though not entirely) co-conscious. Our partner who is also multiple, does not dissociate at all, and is completely co-conscious. So I wouldn't worry too much. It's definitely a reachable target; to be non-diossociative and co-conscious without resorting to integration.
==C. | |
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paganmommy