Therapy went well today. We talked a lot about my relationships with my family and my growing up. About how I don't remember a lot of my childhood and my first memories are dreams. I was dissociative from a young age, and can remember losing time in grade school. I remember kindergarten, but nothing about first grade. I told her that I was around 12 when I realized I was part of a multiple system, though I didn't call it that. I just knew there were "others" inside me. I didn't have any friends until Middle School, and even then I had very few. People just didn't like me. I was too "weird". A lot of it had to do with the fact that I wasn't there all the time, which made things terribly inconsistent. And some of the alters not being grounded in reality or aware of what was currently going on around them when they came out didn't help either.

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After therapy, purpleglitter and I had some rather intense relationship talks. I cried a lot. I don't want to lose her. She is the most important person in my life. My best friend. My soulmate. I want to hold on, but not if it's going to hurt her. I want to celebrate our 10^th anniversary with the bottle of wine we've been saving all these years. I want us to be on the porch with our rockers next to each other.

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zarthon took purpleglitter and me to the Diesel Café. I don't see enough of zarthon these days. It seems we only get together a couple of times a month., and I'd like to see him at least once a week. It was nice seeing him, though.