I finally found a place that will fill my new prescription for injectable estradiol: the Stop & Shop Pharmacy in Arlington Heights. They are going to have to order it from their distributer, but that is more than anyone else was able to do. I will be able to pick them up tomorrow. Now I need to set up an appointment with the nurse that will instruct me on giving myself shots.

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My landlord actually gave me a ride to the Stop & Shop Pharmacy. I was surprised by the offer, but I took him up on it. Afterwards, he asked if I wanted to go with him to his favorite thrift store in Arlington, which is located in the basement of the Fox Library and only runs two days a week. I didn't even know it existed, so I decided to go with him. The prices were very nice and the stuff was not terribly picked through. I was able to pick up a couple nice items without spending much money.

Out of curiosity yesterday, I did a search on Google for the address of the old house_of_clocks. First I tried "1261 Mass Ave". Nothing. I tried "1261 Massachusetts Avenue" and found the building. Finally, trying a combination of both approaches with "1261 Massachusetts Ave" I found the old house_of_clocks being listed for sale as a condominium. Having passed by the old house_of_clocks in Arlington Heights many times recently, I knew that the old apartment was being sold as a condominium, however it was interesting to read the description given of the place:

Arlington – $409,900 Spectacular renovation in 2004. This top floor 3 bedroom unit features new kitchen with granite, stainless appliances, ceramic tile floor, and new baths with ceramic tile floor. Hardwood floors throughout, spacious living room, private W/d, rear porch, large storage area, and deeded parking for 2. Windows, heat and hot water systems new in 2004. Steps to the "t" & shops. Don't miss this one! Listing Information Amenities and Features Listing ID 70332410 Near Public Transportation Price $409,900 Swimming Pool Bedrooms 3 Tennis Court Type Condo Walk/jog Trails Sq. Ft. 1,256 Baths 2

The apartment I remember is quite different. It was billed as a 4 bedroom with 1 bathroom. It definitely didn't have anything like stainless appliances, ceramic tile floors, or a granite kitchen. The building had neither and still has neither tennis courts and swimming pools, I imagine that the references to those in the listing are meant as "nearby" as is with the bike trail and public transit.

When we lived there, the entire three decker was completely run down and neglected by an elderly landlord that was in over her head trying to manage her many properties. Due to the dilapidated condition, we used to jokingly refer to our place as "the Crackhouse of Clocks". purpleglitter is making arrangements for us to look at the place as "potential buyers". I'd really love to see the changes. I doubt I'll recognise it at all. Just from the times I've passed it, I can see how much it's changed. The white picket fence in the neatly trimmed front yard advertises the new nature of the place. Time moves on.

IN THE OLD HOUSE OF CLOCKS

photo by purpleglitter

crazymaureen and Wulf came over last night. We drank and talked. It's been a very long time since crazymaureen has come over. As we live just a few doors down from each other, we used to hang out all the time. But several complicated storms swept through our lives, and built enough distrust to end our friendship. Those storms have now long since past by, and while we are both facing new storms, it seems a good time to see if we can again be friends.

Last night was also the first night I got to really talk to Wulf. He's a very interesting person, and an interesting neighbor. I'm going to miss Arlington Heights if, as seems most probable, I leave.

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I fear I am catching riga_mortia's cold. My throat is sore and my head hurts and my ear aches and my nose is stuffy. I don't feel completely sick at this point, the aches and soreness and the stuffiness are quite mild, but I can definitely feel something coming on. I guess if I'm going to be sick, better now than for the party

Went on a walk late last night. Left the house at 3:00am. I was dressed in my long velvet black dress, with flowing lace sleeves. A hit of red hid under more lace in the front. I packed my purse with various pills and a bottle containing a mixture of Nyquil and Robitussin in it.

Various places to actually take the pills came in mind. I decided upon the hill by the swings purpleglitter and I used to go to.

Immediately after crossing Mill Brook I was accosted by the foot stomping of a skunk. I ran the other way, into a driveway. I remained in the driveway for about 5 minutes, until I was sure the skunk was gone.

While waiting, I decided I should leave purpleglitter a message before I take the pills. I walked up to the Arlington Heights Bus Terminal to use the phone there. Instead of actually calling I kept looking at the pill bottle.

Why I actually didn't take the pills as intended I do not know. There were a lot of possible factors.

Fear, of course.

I'm don't really want to die. It's more that I don't want to live. I don't like life, things aren't going to improve, and death seems like a good option.

No individual thing I had was particularly lethal, not even the mix of Robitussin and Nyquil as it was mostly Robitussin. I was hoping that taking a great many things together would do the trick. However, I was afraid that if I took everything it would just make me extremely fucked up. The police would find me the next morning and take me into the hospital.

I went home when the lightning started up again. Unfortunately, I didn't bring a key with me. merryperseis had locked me out. I didn't want a key, because, I thought not having one would help me not chicken out.

merryperseis's light was still on, but I didn't want to knock and wake up the other roommates. So, I threw some of the pills I'd brought at her window. Apparently, they didn't make enough noise, as she didn't hear them. I ended up getting in through a window around 4:30am.

merryperseis and I had some good talks for sometime in the kitchen. She's a really wonderful person, and I'm glad she's living with us.

However, I'm still not sure that suicide isn't a good option for me. I'm not sure that it is, either. I'm scared and confused and just don't know.

I do have to learn the lessons of my last two "attempts". I need to give up the notion of a "romantic" suicide, and just do it. I am not brave enough. It's not that I don't want to die, it's just that I lack courage. Probably should just do it completely drunk. Alcohol can make up for the bravery I lack. I wanted to stare death down sober, but apparently that is not in the cards. I can't do it. Pathetic, yes. But who cares?

Another issue I need to rectify is getting some quality lethal pills in my possession. The stupid shit I have is not going to cut it. There are plenty of appropriate things over the counter. I don't want to accidentally live, end up in the emergency room and then the psych ward.

grrldan came over today. He lives down the street, so it was a very short trip. I made him my curried tomatoe mozzarella alphabet soup

After soup, went to the Prickly Pond. Today was just to unbelievably beautiful to stay inside.

When we got to the Prickly Pond, I noticed there were no marigold blooming over Nu-Nu's grave. It made me sad. I will have to go plant some later this week.

There, however, were thousands of water caltrops washed onto the shore. I saw none in the water, which is unfortunate, as they are only truly wish pods when found in floating in the water. Apparently they were stranded on shore as the water level slowly dropped. The water was lower than I've ever seen it. grrldan had never seen water caltrops in there natural, unpainted state, so he took one home.

We swang on the swings nearby the Prickly Pond. That was fun. The Prickly Pond was very beautiful today.

Some day in the near future, I would very much like to show him the Great Meadow. I think he would very much like it there.

Victor is moving out, so we have a room available.
$500+
HUMONGOUS! GIAGANTIC! big.
Come live with us in the House of Clocks in fabulous Arlington Heights!! Available as soon as you want it.

A psychic reader named Tiffany has set up shop across from Scrubby Bubbles, the local laundromat here in Arlington Heights. As my clothes were drying I hopped across the street to Readings by Tiffany to get prices for a couples reading, as I thought it might be neat for purpleglitter and I to try out sometime. Her prices were a bit exorbitant, however as a thank you for her time, I gave her a wish pod. I thought that she, as a psychic, would appreciate it. Back at the laundromat, while I was watching my clothes fly in circles in the machines, her husband, who I had yet to meet, comes in and gives me the wish pod back. He had an extremely worried look on his face. After he left, I looked at her card, not only is she Christian (which I can deal with), she's preachy. She must have figured I was an evil satanic lesbian witch trying to put a curse on her. So much for her psychic powers.

I'm contemplating walking to Davis Square today. It's a 2 or 3 hour walk. I used to walk that kind of walk all the time, but I'm a bit out of shape now. I think I'll give it a try. The biggest issue is that after I take the 2 or 3 hour walk there, another 2 or 3 hour walk home will await me. I really have no choice but to go by foot, as I don't even have the change for a bus fare right now.

Whatever was causing the problems in the calendar view has been fixed.

I'm about to go out for my walk with Lake. We're planning on walking to the water building at Park Circle.