I cleaned out the old fridge today. It wasn't properly cleaned out when we unplugged it in favour of the new one and had begun to seriously mould. There was a large standing puddle of disgusting water in the bottom of the freezer side. The odor was so pungent that I literally almost vomited, but it needed to be cleaned as it was rapidly becoming a health hazard. I washed the entire thing out with Comet cleanser, threw all of the cleaning waste out of the house immediately, then covered the interior of the refrigerator with baking soda. I left the room briefly just in case there was a bleach-baking soda reaction. There wasn't and the job was done.

Next big task is cleaning my room. My room has been improving slowly, but the pace is not near good enough. I want to get the entire thing cleaned out by the time I leave for Missouri next Monday.

it's a bit warm and muggy today
but that's okay
because i have a feeling it's the last warm and muggy day of the year
autumn is upon us
If I'm lucky and got the dates right
I should get to see the leaves peak twice this year
once in massachusetts then again in missouri
i need to bring a camera to missouri
i want to bring photographic evidence up that there are indeed liquor guns and ammo stores
one stop shopping
yee-haw
i plan to bring back geodes
even though i still have some to give away in my closet
which reminds me
i need to find the baking soda
see if i can clean the tote bag mazzycat pissed in
it really stinks
i remember this because it too is in the closet
the closet is huge
it runs about 20 feet
literally
down the side of the room
and it's only one of two that size
i've got it going on with the closet space
i really need to find the baking soda

I forgot to take my Prevacid this morning. This evening it caught up with me. I took the Prevacid about an hour ago and drank some baking soda. Neither helped. What finally helped was eating a tofu pup. The bun soaked up the excess acid. I guess that counts as meal 5.

I wish I was never bulimic. That's what caused my stomach problems. When I don't take my Prevacid my stomach gets so bad sometimes that I randomly vomit. It's quite horrible. Bulimia bad. Still keeps kicking me even after I've stopped. I may have this problem the rest of my life. Bulimia very bad.

I just made an odd discovery: baking soda and cat urine fizzes.

i can't find my baking soda
i'll have to wait until merryperseis wakes up
she has some in her room
i'll use it
i'm just not up to a large baking soda/sock quest right now
i'm boiling water to try to make the place more humid
it's very dry here
i need to fix my face so i can go to walgreens
but i don't feel up to that either
i'd like to sleep, but i can't find my way to slumber
i'm delirious
my head is throbbing
the world is throbbing
pulsing
angles change quickly
i'm not sure where i am
i'm typing into a window
i'm not having fun

i took cold medicine but i feel worse
i can't tell if i'm hot or cold
or if i should be
i'm dizzy
i can't think right
i'm sweaty and cold and hot
my socks smell bad
gotta clean them
i don't know where most of my socks went
they seem to be disappearing
i'll put baking soda in them for the time being
i don't really feel up to cleaning and i need to wear something on my feet
everything is spinning
maybe i can find some clean socks
maybe i can find any socks
they're all gone
the angles in the room are bizarre
and everything is spinning

Lake really didn't want Clover coming over. She broke almost all of our nice glassware and a plate for good measure. Shirley wanted to cut very badly, but we had to comfort Lake, who was horrified at her outburst of anger.

We ended up renting "The Family Man". Lake liked it, I didn't.

Lake went to bed and we just purged. I didn't really binge. Shirley though we'd eaten too much and I just wanted to get rid of the energy of the day. So we did. Then we brushed our teeth and drank a baking soda solution.

Now I'm going to go clean up the rest of the broken glass in the kitchen.

I'm really sad about the glasses. I can't tell Lake how much they meant to me, or she'd feel even more guilty. They were the glasses I had 9 years ago, when I lived in a small rental house in Columbia, Missouri with my cat, Galena. Just me and Galena and a little garden in the backyard. I used to make spaghetti and me and Galena would sit at an upsidedown milk crate together and eat out of the same plate. I miss that place. A lot happened there. Good and bad. Those glasses were my last piece of that place. Only three remain now. 1 goblet (which were my favorite) and 2 tumblers. When they break, I'll have no connection.

We fell asleep around 3am. Woke up at 7. Had a weird dream about a group of people flying by holding on to each other and forming a sort-of human wing. I wonder if it has something to do with all of us holding onto each other to form one life.

Went to the corner store to pick up candy. Ended up getting Lay's Bistro Applewood BBQ & Smoked Cheddar Potato Chips and a pack of Starburst. Intended to just a few. But ate all the starburst and 2/3 of the large bag of potato chips (Lay's Bistro doesn't come in 6oz, only in 11oz). Felt really guilty and bad. Purged. Lake turned off the bathroom light to try to get me to stop, but I could see well enough from the light coming in through the grates in the door. I have excellent night vision.

After I performed my normal aftercare: drink a glass of 1 cup water mixed with ½ teaspoon baking soda.

Next, I took my Spironolactone and Premarin. Afterwards we went and sat in the livingroom. There the bag of chips was still sitting by the chair. We ate a couple, then a couple more, then a couple more. Then we had eaten enough to start worrying. "We can just vomit again", I thought. So we ate more. But then (before we had eaten a whole whole lot, but after we had eaten more than we should have) I realized that I'd just taken my hormones and I vomit, because I'd lose them too. Fuck.

I went and tried to hangout with Lake, but she was still upset about the vomiting. Of course any excuse and Cyndi wants to slice. We're sitting here with a razor blade (broken out of a safety razor) in front of us. Cyndi can use anything that goes wrong to weaken our resolve to stop her. I'm worried. I'm scared. I don't think it'll happen this time, but I'm sure it will happen again. I don't like this. No, not at all.