While I was sitting on a bench on the shore Spy Pond last week, I found myself looking down from above at Spy Pond and the autumnal trees of Elizabeth Island. Whether this was some sort of spontaneous out of body experience or a product of dissociation combined with vertigo and a high aptitude for spacial transitioning, I do not know.

Regardless of how I got there, it brought my thoughts to the budgies. The budgies get a lot of out-of-cage time. They fly around a lot in Lake's apartment. But it's not the same. The room has a ceiling and walls. The room has limits and I wish I could give them the sky. They are birds, that freedom is their hatchright. It seems unfair to keep them contained, but there is no realistic other option. To set them free in New England, especially on the dawn of winter, would be to give them death sentences.

We do our best to give them the closest to what they deserve as possible. We try to give them what we hope is a better life than they would have in the wild: providing a constant food supply, healthcare, and freedom from predators. It might not be enough, but it is all that we have to offer.

I just spent several hours trying to get these pictures to upload. Very frustrated with LiveJournal and Semagic. Will, of course, get over it.


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There is a term I have been hesitant to use, because like so many other words it has been corrupted by Christian fundamentalism. But it is term that fits. I have been reborn. I have become born again. I have seen a light that I could not see before. I see a place and a purpose for me in the All. I see hope instead of despair. The gentle dawn has finally come for me.

The secret is that the All was always there right in front of my eyes. When I could not find God, I was not truly looking. God is not on Mass Ave, God is Mass Ave. God is not above Spy Pond, God is Spy Pond. God is not under a bench, God is the bench. The All is Everywhere and Everything, and I am blessed to be in humbled in Its glory.

Met dan4th at the Someday Café yesterday. It was very hot inside, so we crossed took our drinks to the benches across the street. There we sat, chatted, and dodged the sun. We then took a nice walk. I walked to and from Davis Square. Quite a walk from my house, but nothing compared how much walking I did when I was homeless.

After spending time with dan4th I went over to purpleglitter's apartment. I try to spend every other night at her place. Sometimes it's a little less often than that due to scheduling issues. In the summer it may be more often than that, as purpleglitter has a functioning air conditioner, and I don't.

purpleglitter drove me to my pdoc appointment, which I thought was at 10:30am, but turned out to be at 10:00am. Luckily, I arrived at 10:20am, and was able to at least get in a short session. She increased my Geodon by 20mg, so now I take 60mg in the evening and 40mg in the morning.

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After my appointment, purpleglitter drove me around Mount Auburn Cemetery. It was very rainy, so purpleglitter didn't want to get out of the car. After driving around a bit, the rain let up, and we walked up to the tower. The view of the Boston skyline over the multicolored trees and silent gravestones was breathtaking. The wind ripped past me as I stood on the precipice above the garden of the dead.

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After Mount Auburn Cemetery, purpleglitter took me to Punjab Food & Spices a.k.a. the Chai Café. She bought me a yummy Indian lunch, after which we enjoyed cigarettes together on the benches nearby.

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Last, but not least, purpleglitter's power is back on. Yay!

I looked up and down Mass Ave. I looked around Spy Pond. I looked under the benches. I didn't find God. Time to take my meds and go to bed.

Spy Pond is absolutely breathtaking right now. I sat on a snowcovered bench and watched the lights on the far side of the pond poke gently through the mists rising above the rippling water. Everything about the outside is beautiful right now. Gentle unblemished snowdrifts. Waves of snow flowing over silent streets lit by the soft glow of the ever faithful streetlamps above. I would stay out there for hours if it weren't for the relentless bite of the bitterly cold winds. The blizzard absolutely raging right now. Glorious in its fury. Definitely worth the venture out.

Note to self: The next time you see fit to run off into a blizzard in the middle of the night for no particularly good reason, wear gloves.