Fed the birds. Skye got out while I was feeding her. She's in condition, but as none of the other budgies are out I figured I'd just let her fly around a bit. Not being able to get into any of the cages, she crawls into the tray of the big cage. I had to fish her out then turn off the lights so I could get her back into her cage.

After all that, I sat down at my computer and promptly vomited on my keyboard. I don't feel particularly ill, and I don't know why that happened. Luckily the keyboard still seems to work.

so far i've gotten much hallucinations of angles and brightness, but no thought component. Moving around accurately is difficult. the keyboard is shrinking. the monitor is an odd shape. i am very hot. i feel good, but i was hoping for more of a mind experience. Maybe if I combine this with the strobe light or flashing light ball tonight i'll get a better effect in that regard.

click

i am not
i am not
i see not
i saw not
i look not
not
not
not
what is it
what is it
what is it
where is it
not i see it
not i see it
no
no
no
i said not
i see it not
i look not at it
i see it not
close my eyes
i close my eyes
i see it not
blind myself
i look not

click

i'm nervous about going back to see my therapist
she might be upset that i talked about her to my pdoc
i don't need her to be mad
i don't trust her not to be
because i don't really know her
i've had bad psych experiences
and i don't want another one
but i don't want to have to find a new therapist on my own
she's only temporary
so i go back

click

i am
i exist
i note my existence
i note that there are things around me
that these things exist too
if only in my head
i see a keyboard
i see a monitor
i am communication through the internet
possible with myself
or someone else
probably both
as this appears to be livejournal

click

there are mulberry trees in purpleglitter's house's yard
we've been eating mulberries off them the past couple days
there are purple bird shits all over the place out there
i guess they've been eating them too

click

okay. i'm hogging purpleglitter's keyboard to type this.
la la la
when, a few posts back, i said all stream of consciousness posts i make are one paragraph
i lied
most are formatted like this one.
there are two styles.
but, they must all fit one of the styles.
okay
i am stoned
making a stream of consciousness post
as planned
yep
it goes something like the post you're reading
well it is exactly like it but it needn't be.
still with me?
okay
some of you may have left this post by now
considering it drug-induced gibberish
while it is drug-induced
it is not gibberish
it is something else entirely
a trip though my mind
i just type what i think
let my fingers go
and this is what we get
so while some may find it boring
you don't because if you did
you probably would have stopped reading by now
so hello to those still with us
where was i?
i'm going to see my therapist two more times
and that's it
new therapist
i'm going to miss her
i don't like having to start over
yeah, i know
i'm not really starting over
but it feels like i am
i don't know how this coffee thing is going to work
i know i should be limiting myself to one a day
but then i'm so tired
an overwhelming cannot function tired
i need at least two
i'm going to try two and if the symptoms come back i guess i'll have to go to one
i don't want to do it
i need to explore different ways to get energy than caffeine
i have an "energy" trail mix my sister got me friday
if it works maybe i could get more
it's just raisins and assorted nuts
i don't think it will work
but i'll give it a try
i'll also try taking B vitamins
that should help too
several people have suggested decaf coffee
but i still can't fathom the concept behind it
i should have a good simile for that
but i don't
so oh well
anyway
this was a stream of consciousness post
as promised
ttfn

greetings and hello
i'm sitting here
purpleglitter is humming amazing grace
there refrigerator is humming too
but not amazing grace
the keyboard tray is broken
so the keyboard is on top of the desk
purpleglitter is laughing
i need new bras
my breasts have gotten bigger
i used to not wear bras
okay, i still don't like wearing bras
but i think i'm getting to the point where i need a little support
anyway
so there it is
la la la
stream-of-consciousness can lead strange places
the movie is back on
purpleglitter is watching the haunted
it's really bad
but somewhat funny
not the best funny bad
i saw it a long time ago
never liked it
i'm getting sucked in none the less
tv is evil
must resist
must resist

I need to get a new keyboard. I spilt tea on my old one several weeks ago. I've been borrowing merryperseis's keyboard to use my computer. However, there are times, like now, that merryperseis needs her keyboard, leaving me to type this message in Character Map.

i can't find my baking soda
i'll have to wait until merryperseis wakes up
she has some in her room
i'll use it
i'm just not up to a large baking soda/sock quest right now
i'm boiling water to try to make the place more humid
it's very dry here
i need to fix my face so i can go to walgreens
but i don't feel up to that either
i'd like to sleep, but i can't find my way to slumber
i'm delirious
my head is throbbing
the world is throbbing
pulsing
angles change quickly
i'm not sure where i am
i'm typing into a window
i'm not having fun

pages loading...
ah, hello poppy
merry christmas
what's down here
in the basement
piecing it together
it hurts
i'm losing the picture
its like watching a video
like i wasn't there
but was just somewhere else
when it all happened
-----
here for your enjoyment
scattered bits of my brain
on this screen
come one, come all
i'm on display
-----
where is it?
ideas misplaced
somewhere else
------
foggy night
in the inside
but in this fog i may break holes
------
i see myself existing in many universes at once
have seen this before
it's interesting watching reality from this angle
-----
i appear to be in a room
there is a keyboard in front of me
i am typing
i am remembering things
the thing in front of me is a monitor
the room is opening up
getting bigger
expanding in all directions
branching out into a maze
there is a blinking light
it is the strobe
set to alpha

My keyboard broke. I broke it. I spilt tea on it. I am borrowing merryperseis's keyboard for the time being. Her computer is still not connecting to the net, so she uses my computer to get online, therefore we both benefit from the keyboard being in here. I'm sure she'll take it back to her room if she needs to do something on her computer. Right now we'll probably just have to share it. Hopefully I can replace the keyboard soon.

The spirit coming through the ouija board (and also channeled through the keyboard) told me it wanted me to die. Wanted me to join it. Wanted me to heal through death. To stop resisting. To let go. I don't know if my subconscious was pushing or not. I feel very strange. I'm going to scry into the strobe light and see what i can find.

so here i am.
strobe in the back
sitting at the keyboard
i am supposed to be typing something
something hopefully interesting
when read later by me or others

the music mixes with the light
touches the light
i see the music
i see the interference patterns it makes with the strobe light
i am still sitting here
that's the sitting here update
that's to remind myself what i'm doing
i'm sitting here typing
if i didn't occasionally remind myself of that
i would forget
and i don't know exactly where that would leave us
if i forgot that i was here typing. sitting
no corrections
keep the stream
bubbles of reference
the music and strobe are beautiful
everything moves with me
edit thought
there are places i don't want to go
i know they are there
i don't know where they are
i don't want to know where they are
i don't want to there
in my mind are these places
it hurts when i get to close
it hurts now.
i don't like thinking about those places
i'll stop doing that
flashing light
purple
colours
rainbows
pre-paid phone card
look
touch
dance
refreshing energy
echoing slightly
i don't want to go into echoing
but i'm echoing on purpose right now
so i might as well go into echoing
echoing is very complicated
i don't want to make this post about it
anyway. i will end with and explanation
echoing is thinking about how you would describe an event instead of more purely experiencing it.
that's the end of this post.
or rather this is.