Rev. Ted Haggard, the head of the National Association of Evangelicals he only hired the prostitute for a "massage" and did not actually have sex. This sounds like very Clintonian evasion, I have to wonder what exactly he got "massaged".

He also claims he bought meth from the prostitute, which he claims he threw out instead of using. "I didn't inhale." anyone? Clinton couldn't even pull that one off, and he is the master. Give it up, Haggard: You're no Clinton.

There was a point in my life where I would have taken any drug put in front of me. I didn't care how I felt as long as it was different. And I did lots of drugs, from street to psych and in between

I would smoke pot all day every day I could, drink way too much, take crystal and heroin and cocaine, pop klonopin and seroquel and zyprexa and whatever other nasty thing the psych people gave me. The only reason i never became addicted to heroin or cocaine was that I was never able to attain a steady supply and it is only by the grace of God that I am not an alcoholic. Going through geodon withdrawals was enough to make me very thankful I didn't go through that with anything else.

I am glad I moved on from that place, I know many who didn't. Many who couldn't. Many who never will.

When I fall into these troughs like I've been in the last several days, I must keep mindful of how far I've come. Where I was and where I am. I got through that, I can get through this.

People often get the wrong impression about me and drugs, and this is for the most part my fault. I talk about drugs a lot. They fascinate me. I'm very very interested in them. But with the amount of talking and writing I do about them, many people walk away thinking that I am shoveling these things into my mouth 24/7. I am not. Drugs interest me as a topic a lot more than they interest me as an activity. I don't make a huge effort to constantly seek them out. I do not feel the need to cultivate a steady supply and have them consistently on hand. I don't want to live my live on any psychoactive drug. Period. That goes equally for acid, marijuana, prozac, alcohol, and geodon. I do not view those who desire to do drugs all the time as inherently inferior in any way to those who don't. I do not dismiss that as a valid lifestyle choice. Even if I had a issue with it, it is not be my place to judge the personal decisions adults make regarding to their own bodies and minds. I, however, tend prefer to be in my natural state the majority of the time. That decision may not be the most healthy for me as my mind has been a very bad place, but deep inside I believe that that bad place is something that I have to learn to deal with directly if I'm going to live.

I got together with Shawn and his new boyfriend last night at the Diesel Café. Shawn's an old roommate. He's back in Massachusetts living with his mom. He disappeared for three months, because he apparently spent three months in an L.A. jail. He's so burnt out now. He's not nearly as bad as Ozzy, but the excessive drug use has definitely worn on him, both physically and mentally. It's sad to see the changes, but at least he's cut out a lot of his harder drug use and he's happy with his new boyfriend. Hopefully this move back to Massachusetts will help him put his life back together and keep it together.

Shawn, who moved out years ago, is getting angry calls. Some guy from New Hampshire keeps calling from 603.738.xxxx. He called a week or two ago spewing out a flurry of homophobic epitaphs. He won't believe Shawn had actually moved out. Tonight he's just been calling and hanging up. Shawn pissed a lot of people off in this area for a variety of reasons (from screwing people's boyfriends to ripping off drug dealers), which is why he moved to California. I heard he was moving back. Maybe he did and that's why we're getting the calls again. Maybe these people have seen him around the area, but just have his old number.

The biggest problem with Bebe, is she's so nice face-to-face. It's really hard to be mad at her while I'm actually talking to her. I just get the feeling I don't want to be mean. It makes it that much harder to complain about the vodka and the wine and her hogging of the telephone. I'm going to give her some more time.

There are other things I like about Bebe: She like Diamanda Galás, she's mostly vegetarian (she eats fish), she gets along with the cats, she's very cleanly, she's not freaked out by all my weirdnesses. She's not all bad.

I've had really bad roommates in the past. Roommates like Teddy who, after I got a restraining order against him, I found out had stabbed not one... not two... not three... but four of his ex-roommates. In addition to that he had two other restraining orders against him: one for beating his ex-wife over the head with a rocking chair, and the other from some guy who Teddy bought a used tv from at a yard sale.

Or roommates like Shawn, who ended up whoring himself for heroin and crystal meth out of the house. After he moved out for quite some time we got threatening calls from both drug dealers he ripped off and angry guys who's boyfriends Shawn gave crabs and/or syphilis to.

Compared to them, Bebe is from heaven. I'm afraid to rock the boat, and end up with another Teddy or Shawn.

The biggest worry I have right now about Bebe, is that she's lost her job and isn't looking for a new one. She just sits at home all day, drinking and talking on the phone. She paid her for this month by signing over a Christmas gift check from her brother. And with the amount of time she spends on the phone, I'm also worried about getting stuck with a huge phone bill. I know I'm probably being a bit paranoid, but this wouldn't be the first time I've gotten stuck with bills. All I can do right now is just wait and hope for the best.