Just got back from seeing my therapist and pdoc. Went well even though Debra decided not to do all the talking. Left us in a few uncomfortable silences. I ended up showing my therapist my arms and I didn't get put away. I was really worried. She said as long as I could contract for safety. I told I could for me, but not for Cyndi. She said I was responsible for Cyndi. How am I supposed to be responsible for Cyndi, I have absolutely no control over her. Grrr...

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On the way to therapy I missed the bus. The next bus would get me there too late, so I was forced to spend $22 on a cab. I can't be wasting money like that!

We're going to go to our therapist and pdoc appointments today. Debra should be in front. I'm going to help her maintain stability. If Debra can stay in front and they don't ask to see our arms, everything should be fine. I'm not sure wether Debra could talk our way out of another hospitalization if our therapist sees our arms. Our therapist is very puritanical when it comes to cutting. She doesn't understand sometimes it just happens, and while it's not okay, it really shouldn't get us hospitalized. Hopefully Debra will be able to get that across, I know I'd fail.

Fucking shit! My case worker left for the day without seeing us. The pdoc says he guarantees that I'll be able to leave tomorrow. I have to stay an extra fucking day because of some stupid person's mistake. Debra says not to show anger. I know she is correct, and will do as she says. I'm sooo pissed off. I skipped art group, where they painted ceramics, to see her. Grrr.

Beverly is writing these first in a paper journal and i am typing them in for her. - Lake

We have chosen Debra as our emissary to the psychiatric world. She's so good at talking to psych people. Most of the rest of us just end up sending up red flags with them, but Debra got the pdoc to agree we should leave today.

Beverly is writing these first in a paper journal and i am typing them in for her. - Lake

Just got back from our new therapist. Our new pdoc picked her out. First visits are always nervous.

She had us do a count of how many personalities are in the Central Group. We've never really did a count before (weird, but true). The count came up to 10: Beast, Cyndi, Deborah, Debra, Guardian, Gloria (me!), Mildred, Sally, Shirley, and Starflower. There are also an untold number of personalities outside the Central Group that we don't know about, but that is for the most part the cast.

The new therapist was really nice. She asked a lot of questions, but that's her job. I feel like she's really going to pick us apart, but that's her job too. I'm a bit nervous moving forward, but that's what we're doing: moving forward.