We damn ourselves when we live through demon eyes. No higher power need intervene, we are fully capable of our own downfall. When we act as demons, we create our own hell. No divine judgement or arbitration, it is simply a matter of causality.

This is the nature of sin. This is the nature of good action verses bad action. When we act with anger and hate and greed rather than with love and compassion and understanding, that is sin. When our actions increase the suffering rather than diminish it, that is bad action. And what we reap is a world of pain and hate and mistrust. We are all connected and we share in what we bring forth.

Since the LiveJournal Dungeons change over time with changes in interest and friends lists, I decided I'd try mine again. Didn't do so well this time...

I died in the Dungeon of Neitherday

I was killed in a torchlit pit by Iheartdrag the arch-demon, whilst carrying...

the Crown of Purplepants, the Amulet of Mirrors, the Sceptre of Qassandra and 0 gold pieces.

Score: 62

Explore the Dungeon of Neitherday and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

light
darling, i see the light
i have swam in the light
but i know the darkness too
i am neither angel nor demon and both at the same time
i look through the fury
and try to keep balance
sometimes i fall, but i still stand

I'm slowly changing some of my non-standard spellings, such as my non-standard spelling of demon. This is mostly to increase readiblity and reduce ambiguity. I will be keeping a number of my standard non-standard spellings, such as "tomatoe", however. In limited cases, I am going back an standardizing the spelling in past entries.

i am worried
i am worried that i won't be able to stay above the waves
i am worried that i will be sucked back down
i do not want to go back to where i've been
i do not want to return to those roads
but i often feel the darkness closing in
there is much i am keeping inside right now
and telling no one at all
the world does not feel real
i am far behind the window eyes
i look out the window
and i hear the winds
the same winds that are always there
i do not know where i am going
but i do know that in the end the winds will come for me
i ask, what i am here for?
my eyes look upon what is before them
i note the what is right before i forget it
the demons are still with me
i do not think they will ever leave
i walk through the mud
and reach for the sky
i cannot take in these things
i am not a great person
i cannot make long sense of what is here
only in passing does it match
every angle changes
forever
no paradigm can stick
flux
change
eternally
nothing constant
i wander still here
i walk still here
i forget still here
what is coming must soon come to pass
i have trouble staying in the body now
more and more
i leave it behind
i am not going mad
i never left mad
soon the sky will be yellow and the grass blue
for reality never was where i am
adrift in a sea of dreams
always forgetting where i am
and never find the shore

There are things that I try to say. Things that cannot be said because for such things there can be no words. Many people will therefore find much of what I say nonsensical. I am by far not the only one who sees these things, I am just one of those who is foolish enough to attempt to speak them.

I talk of demons and of angels and of monsters and of God. I remember the walls stained with blood and I know where the devil lives. I have wandered between the dreaming and waking to where I could no longer distinguish one from the other. I am friends with færies and do business with ghosts. I have walked the asylums and tasted their zombie potions. I do not speak in the polite language of the day. I am mad, of course. And that is that.

I'm 32.

I'm still fighting decades old demons.

When will it ever stop?

I'm too old for this.

Fuck people who say I'm wallowing.

Fuck everyone.

I don't fucking care.

It's been far too long.

Last night I had a bit of a breakdown. But, because of that breakdown I learned about something I've been trying to figure out for some time now: the nature of evil. Again, the answer has always been right in front of me, but I never really looked to see it: Evil is in the demon eyes.

To look through demon eyes is to look at the universe or the world or the that which is within the world with utter despisement, contempt, and hate. I've worn demon eyes, and I would venture to say that every person has seen the world through them at one point or another. Looking through demon eyes feels very very good. The world seems dark and one seem above it all. It aggrandizes the ego, providing an amazing powertrip, frees one from bindings of morality and love, and can even allow one to see themselves as righteous in these things. There is a revelry in evil, and one can become addicted to that revelry.

By looking through demon one becomes a demon. Demon eyes allow people to knowingly do very harmful things for personal gain, and sometimes even to do harmful things to simply be harmful. The demon eyes are very dangerous, and they are the root of the much, if not most, of the human-caused suffering in the world. The Demon sees the world as ugly and works to make it so.

Some people live the majority of their lives looking through demon eyes. It is an addiction. It is heroin of the soul, and eventually turns the barer into a bitter jaded junky, a demons in the machine.

Demons are real. They are all around us. They are human, and they are us.

last night i dreamt i was in a video game
a game i'd been in before in a previous dream
i knew that i had to turn on all the green lights in the final room
which was difficult because i had to jump and press a button for each light, and the body was hard to control
if i didn't press all the lights before the demon came i would be cast into the pit of deconstruction
instead of fighting the demon, i hitched a ride on the starship enterprise and went down a few levels
there i found a restaurant, and i was hungry, so i went it.
it was a diner and the waitress told me the place was called "soap"
i remembered a restaurant called "soap" from a previous dream
everything in that dream tasted like soap
so i left the restaurant
on leaving the waitress told me that all the restaurants around there were called "soap"
i quickly found a pizza place, also called "soap"
i was very hungry at this point, so i ordered a piece of pizza
the pizza tasted like pizza
i was pleased

later i drifted off into another dream
i was in a room with merryperseis
this guy who she really didn't want to kiss was trying to kiss her
i was trying to gather my stuff (which included a box of cheap candy) so we could escape, but i couldn't gather my stuff fast enough
the guy started accusing us of stealing his money
finally he found his money in his pocket and we left
on our way out of the building we ran into dykestar
i offered her a bunch of my cheap candy for one piece of her fancy coconut candy, but she refused
then i woke up

Poll #175520
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

A dæmon offers you $1,000,000; in exchange you will have vivid, horrible nightmares every time you sleep for the remainder of your life. Do you take the money?