I'm back in Boston. I had a great deal of fun with My sister, niece, brother-in-law, and mom. Maddie is a little ball of energy. Well, not little, she's quite big for a 7 year old. Smart and creative, but I just can't keep up with her.

The day I arrived, Thursday, we pretty much stayed around the house and relaxed. My mom had already been there for several days and was already settled in.

Friday, Christian stayed home while Maddie, Bridgette, my mom, and I went down to Georgetown. We hit Lush and Godiva and went to Dean & Deluca for lunch. While I've seen central meter machines in parking lots, I'd never seen a central machine for street parking before. I guess it is more efficient than having a separate parking meter for each spot, I'm just not used to it. The biggest disadvantage I see with the central machine system is that if it breaks down it disrupts the use of a number of parking spots at once.

Saturday we drove into Virginia through wine country and went to Linden Vineyards (nothing to do with Second Live). That was my favorite part of the trip down. Relaxing doesn't even begin to describe the place. Surrounded by rows of grapes and vine watching the clouds shadow-dance on the Blue Ridge Mountains. The cigar Christian gave me to smoke at the vineyard not only went perfectly with the cheese and wine, but also with the surrounding tranquility.

Sunday, I got up later than I had planned, but not so late that it caused any hassle in catching my flight. Upon leaving, Christian gave me some cigars, along with a 15-pack of Rocky Patel vintage 1992s, one of my favorites. My mom gave me a wonderful dragon cane when I arrived at the house and I was a bit worried about getting on the flight with 2 canes, but I didn't have any hassle and the return trip from Reagan National to Logan went smoothly.

I had hoped to get some good bird pictures, but unfortunately my birding camera is not working. I noticed it my first day there. It seems to be a connection problem with the battery prongs, which should be repairable. But, I was glad to see that Maddie loved birds and birdwatching despite her father's hatred of them.

determinism
can i say it is not so?
we are what we were meant to be
it's all been worked out
we've gone through the pattern a thousand times
and a thousand more well shall play this out
nothing ever changes

free will
where is this not?
no force of action
we free to move and shape our lives and our destiny
where we go, we choose to go
we effect change
we are always in flux

neither view is exclusive of the other
the universe is of both place
both "realities"
we are bound to our destinies and the shapers of them
future is unwritten and yet pre-scripted
we can neither change nor can we stay the same

look upon lies, there you will find the truth
look upon the broken, there you will find the hope
look upon nothing, there you will find everything

Last night I dreamt that I was a dragon. I was supposed to watch over two children, a boy and a girl. I was heading a corridor with the children when someone snuck up and stabbed the boy with a needle full of poison. I grabbed the boy and brought him to a healer. As I was caring for the boy, the girl was kidnapped. I had to fight other dragons and some people to rescue the girl. I breathed fire and flew high into the sky to the mountain where they were keeping her. I did end up rescuing her and flew her back to where the boy was staying.

the screen is moving in strange ways
shaking
rippling
rocking back and forth
vibrating
the strobe is going
there are colors flashing everywhere
confetti
i am flying
looking at the world below me
i see the lights of the cities
i'm moving
there is a pain in my chest
when i look up
i become stiff
i can't look up
i look ahead
i see the horizon
i'm moving
turning sideways
i'm upsidedown
i feel the loops running through my head
i don't like the loops
they hurt
i try to avoid the loops
i can feel them
in the same spaces
tangling me up
what am i hiding?
what have i forgotten so that i don't have to think it?
what have i hidden
what is hidden is hidden.
that's what the message said
what is hidden is hidden
i have to look
but i shouldn't
i should know to leave well enough alone
but is this well enough?
there's the question
will knowing change things?
will it make things better or worse?
do i have sufficient data to make such distinctions?

why is it bad not to remember things? maybe some things just shouldn't be remembered. maybe some things should be forgotten. let sleeping dragon lie. but there is a curiosity. a deadly curiosity. it drives the madness. i want to know. but i know i can't know. i touch it every so softly sometimes. i can't let it in. i don't want to know. but i am curious. i can't stop thinking towards it. avoid it. seek it. both. what is it. i still do not know what i'm running from. or maybe i do know. i just can't let myself know that i know. i don't like this not knowing and not knowing if knowing is a good thing or a bad thing. i need to figure some things out and place my bets.