I bought 9 Rip-It Atomic Pom energy drinks at Walgreens last night. They were on "last chance" sale for a $1.09 each. The sale is a mixed blessing — on one hand it's nice to get one of my favorite energy drinks cheep, on the other hand they're cheap because I won't be able to get them anymore.

I had a good Christmas with purpleglitter. "Santa" brought me all several exciting things including a cane and a viola. Many people have been suggesting I get a cane for many months now, and the one I got yesterday is quite stylish and has two secret compartments, one containing a brandy vial which I will use to keep some sort of concentrated energy drink from the Reliable Market and the other containing a built in compass which I can store a small pillbox for meds above. I am, however, most excited about the viola. Ever since I tried my hand at purpleglitter's violin, I've felt a calling to play the viola. For now I will learn the techniques, but I want to eventually play unscripted as I do on the piano/keyboard.

We had sparkling lemon Italian soda and sparkling cranberry juice and watched a Christmas Story on the television and yibber yabbed for hours. I also talked to a great many people on the phone, including my paternal grandfather whom I haven't talked to in years.

I made a huge dinner that purpleglitter thoughtly enjoyed. We started out with a salad with chards of many colours topped with shiitake mushroom and sesame vinaigrette and move on to mushroom turnovers, pesto-stuffed tortellini with vodka sauce topped with provolone, fontina, and kasseri cheeses baked to a golden brown, and roasted corn all followed by key lime pie for dessert. Decidedly decadent compared to our normal fare.

I'm very thankful I got to spend and enjoy yesterday with purpleglitter, she is my favorite piece of string.

When I arrived home from the asylum, I found a letter stating that I had yet another overdraft charge. I seem to be utterly incapable of keeping track of my balance and the $25 fees add up. I decided that I should just cash my SSDI check instead of depositing it and handle things in cash. I headed out to Arlington center, and only fell once on my way there and was able to get up quickly. I did end up sitting on a bench for 15 minutes shortly thereafter waiting to regain my coordination.

My first stop was Leader Bank. There I was told that since they are not publicly traded they are exempt from being required to cash treasury department checks for non-customers. No luck. I went on to Bank of America. There I was told as a non-customer I had to have two forms of identification for them to cash the check. I only had my licence with me. Strike two.

I decided to try my luck at Cambridge Savings Bank. I knew my account was negative there, but I hoped they would cash my with just one form of identification anyway. The teller told me the system wouldn't let her do it because my account was overdrawn. I asked by how much, and it was only $3.76. Aparently I had a little over $20 in the account when the overdraft fee hit. Seeing as the amount was so small, I told her to take the $3.76 out of the check, cash my check as a customer with one form of identification, then close my account. She did, and I'm now done with banks (except what will be my monthly trip to cash my check).

-----

purpleglitter drove me to my therapy appointment at 5:15. I signed in at the front desk and waited. 5:30, no therapist. The receptionist paged her. 5:45, no therapist. The receptionist paged her again, then noted that my appointment time was actually at 6:00 and not my normal time, and that's probably why my therapist wasn't responding. I had things to do, so I just left.

-----

purpleglitter dropped me off at the corner and went up to her house to bake merryperseis's birthday cake. I fell heading from the corner to my house, spilling my Monster. Several people asked if I was okay, but no one called anyone on me. I got back in the house and ended up lying in bed for some stupid reason and fell asleep. I drifted in and out of sleep and seizure for a couple hours, having nasty dreams that everything was getting worse and that I was being locked away forever. Finally, merryperseis came into my room and helped me out of bed. I ended up falling on the floor in the hall and sat there until I felt balanced enough to go down the stairs.

-----

recoiling, purpleglitter, and iamacliche were downstairs and we had quite a wonderful time celebrating the anniversary of merryperseis's birth. Towards 1:00 I started feeling very twitchy again, and couldn't really get up from the couch. All the non-residents of the house_of_clocks had left, and merryperseis had to go to purpleglitter's apartment and pick up my meds, my Metamucil cookies, and mazzycat's tuna for me. I was planning on just crashing on the couch, but did eventually make it up to my room and to sleep.

-----

Everyday is an adventure nowadays. Some moments I feel so elated I could fly, others I feel suicidal hopelessness, and others I'm simply on the ground. I have some very difficult moral choices to make. The kind where there is no good choice and I must find the one that is least wrong.

Another day today. Another day again. Days just seem to come one after another these days.

I'm going to try to stay up all day as well so I don't want to mess up my sleep schedule. If I go to sleep now, I'll be all out of whack. Red bull, tea, and coffee are my friends.

therapy didn't go so well
i got really disoreantated
ended up on the floor
left early
things got better from there
met kaiaroo at tealux in harvard square
mellowed out at her house
after i got back to arlington, purpleglitter and we had red bulls at spy pond
i fed the geese
they all came running out of the water
been here at purpleglitter's most of the evening
i may bring mazzycat over for a visit with madeleinecat in a couple days
all in all
apart from therapy i had a pretty good day

purpleglitter cleaned some of my room. All my stuff is put away. purpleglitter says my room won't be truly clean until I vacuum every surface. I do need to vacuum. I usually just sweep. I'm very thankful for purpleglitter's cleaning. She gets these amazing energy bursts after she drinks a cup of coffee and a can of Red Bull.

Just got back from accompanying merryperseis on a job hunting mission. After gathering applications we took a leisurely stroll around Spy Pond. The geese haven't yet left for the season, though the time of their departure surely approaches. I should be tired, but I drank a Rock Star energy drink, so I'm actually quite wired. Still no sign of Jello.

Poll #170155
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What is your preferred source of caffeine?

I'm drifting on the sea of drugs. Pot, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, taurine, Geodon, Celexa, Adivan. Ingesting anything and everything. Just trying to escape that feeling. Even escape remembering having that feeling. Stay far away. Stay fucked up. Can't let reality get me.

I've become completely dysfunctional. I have trouble simply getting myself to post on LiveJournal. I don't know who I am or where I'm going. The world is lost in the haze.

Went out to pick up some Red Bulls, ended up getting some food and cat nip in addition. I ate way too many potato chips and felt like purging. purpleglitter (Lake) was there and sat with me until I was okay and didn't want to purge anymore. If she wasn't there I probably would have purged. I'm getting better, not too long ago I would have just ran past Lake and purged anyway.

purpleglitter's grandma called last night and left a message on our machine. Apparently she fell asleep and thought she woke up at 10:30am, but it was actually 10:30pm. She wanted to let us know that darkness has covered the land and Jesus is coming. She really thought it was the end of the world.