I was out back trying to heat up the compost pile so that like a fire it's heat can sustain itself, and... well... oops.

I had a gallon tub of hot tap water and I poured it in the old brick barbecue pit that I'm using as a composter, and out the hole in front runs a opossum. I was worried at first that I injured it. Well, at first I laughed very loudly and then I worried. Either way, I'm pretty sure that the water wasn't hot enough to burn the opossum, and even though the opossum only fled and never squealed (like they did when I hit them with a tomatoe), to ease my mind I held my hand under the faucet for half a minute with the hot water and while the heat was uncomfortable I was uninjured.

ganked from gryffyn:

ganked from lady_babalon:

Researchers have discovered a subtle new difference between men and women -- this one occurring in the realm of eating. Kristen Harrison, a professor of speech communication, has found gender differences related to eating and body image. In the new study of observed eating behavior in a social setting, young men and women who perceived their bodies as being less than "ideal" ate differing amounts of food after they were shown images of "ideal-bodied" people of their own gender. Lead researcher Kristen Harrison found that "in the presence of same-gender peers, certain women eat less and certain men eat more following exposure to ideal-body images -- 'certain' in this case referring to women and men who have discrepancies between their actual body and the kind of body they think their peers idealize," Harrison said. "In a nutshell," Harrison said, "we found that, following exposure to ideal-body images, men who are insecure about their bodies eat more in front of other men, while women who are insecure about their bodies eat less in front of other women." ... The 30 images for the female groups were drawn from fashion, lifestyle and fitness magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Vogue, Shape and Elle. The images for the male groups were from magazines such as Men's Health, Men's Fitness and Muscle & Fitness. ... For example, "If a woman is a regular user of ideal-body media such as fitness and fashion magazines, not to mention television programming featuring advertisements for diet foods and products, she may be moved to abstain from eating several times a day -- even when she is hungry -- resulting in significant weight loss over time." Harrison noted that people thinking about the national obesity epidemic might respond to such abstinence with, "Good! This is what should happen." "But the fact that this happens even to skinny women means that such weight loss could be unhealthy," Harrison said. "Similarly, a man who is vulnerable to ideal-male images due to the presence of an actual body vs. ideal body self-discrepancy may be moved to eat even when he is not hungry, just to reassure himself and other men that he is sufficiently masculine." full article

Shock of shocks!!! You show women images of starving waifs as ideal, they eat less. You show men images of musclebound behemoths as ideal, they eat more. Who pays for this crap? Oh yeah, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

North Korea has successfully tested the bomb and Kim Jong Il is the kind of person who just might actually do scorched earth. MAD is meaningless.

This is bad.

Very very bad.

I don't know how this is going to play out or who will suffer, but people are going to die.

I've had several people complain about my appearance, saying something must be done. I look to ratty, my clothes are often tattered. I should die my hair or at least brush it more often. Wear lipstick. Do something.

However, I like how I look. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I've stopped trying to fit into a mold or a subculture. I'm exploring my own ground. And while I may get a little down about my weight now and again, I'm finding peace there too. I don't want to go back to being the bulimic stick I was years ago. I might be "overweight", but I'm pretty healthy (well, except for the falling down/seizure/twitchy/dizzy/whatever the hell they are spells).

I don't mind that people think I look like some "crazy woman". I am a crazy woman. I embrace that. It took me a long time to be comfortable in my skin. To be comfortable being what I am. I have come to realize of late that beauty is not about who or what you are, it is about not fighting who or what you are. I'm letting myself be me, and I like it.

I am not saying that there isn't room for improvement or bettering. While I have come far, I have a long way to go still. But as I move ahead I want to add more than replace. I no longer don't want to be me, and those who want me different will have to get used to that.

My therapist asked to see my LiveJournal today. There was a computer in the room, so I showed it to her. This took place near the end of our session, so she only got to look at it briefly. Nonetheless she found it helpful to understanding what's going on with me, and wants to look at it again in the future. She said that she'd only be looking at it with me, and never when I wasn't there.

I know many of you are probably thinking something along the lines of "WTF? You're batshit crazy showing your therapist your LiveJournal!". Well, I am batshit crazy, but showing my LiveJournal to my therapist wasn't.

First: While I distrust the mental health system as a whole, I do trust my therapist.

Second: I live in a free state. Even if I am mistaken in trusting my therapist the worst she can do to me based on my journal is have me locked up for a couple weeks. I can do that time standing on my head.

Third, my journal isn't really that much of a secret. It is the second hit when you google up Cahill 3 and the first hit when you google up Cahill 4, which are psych wards in the same health alliance that my therapist is part of. If she wanted to find my journal on her own, it would not have been difficult.

I brought in printouts of journal entries to past therapists, but I've never let any look directly at it. Now we'll see how well this experiment works.

Sometimes I wonder if there are only a few "real" people. The rest are the experimenters. Just here to test our responses to certain stimuli.

The pennies are gone. Likely to revelers of Arlington Town Day. I will try again when the weather is warmer, as suggested by azurelunatic and biker_boi_dhane.

purpleglitter and I went out to see how my penny experiment was going, and found that the penny was no longer on mass ave. Someone must have actually taken it. I can now see I made a couple mistakes in placing the test penny. First I used a shiny penny. Second, I placed it heads up. This time I placed 2 dull pennies on the rubbery road stuff, both tails up. Hopefully no one will pick them up this time.

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After placing the pennies, purpleglitter and I walked down to Spy Pond, where we took in the view of the moon and stars above the quiet crystalline waters. We deftly snuck past a skunk to get back to Mass Ave, where we spent a good half hour just talking and watching the rhythm of neitherday. That's one of the things I really love about my neitherday walks. The quite rhythm that everything takes on. Cars occasionally passing. Cops on the prowl. Watching us as we watch them. Cats and skunks making their way across Mass Ave. The trees. The quiet mumblings of the city. These make a rhythm. A rhythm I love.

I took my walk rather later today. Missed neitherday and was firmly in morning. But, I did notice several pennies embedded in the rubbery crack sealant. I wonder just how many coins are in the streets of Arlington. My theory is that there are too many to have fallen there during or shortly after construction, and that cars running over coins embed them into the street long after construction. To test this, outside my house I have placed a penny. Assuming no one is insane enough to stop in the street to get it, I'll have my experiment. If, over the course of days or weeks, the coin becomes embedded, I'll know that coins can be embedded at anytime into the street. If it stays on the street and doesn't even make a dent, I'll know that they must be embedded during or shortly after construction or take an exorbitant amount of time to be embedded.

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After placing my penny, I leaned against the side of the porch and looked out at it and smiled. After I stopped leaning, I discovered that the porch had been recently painted, and there was white paint all over the sleeve of my lovely black dress. I went in and cleaned it as fast as I could, and got all but a small white line off. Nothing I can't fix with a black marker.

The experience of the nutmeg was, all in all, a good one. I felt trippy and happy. Only mild visuals. Didn't get switchy like I do on pot or acid.

At one point I felt my entire body stripped to just bones. And the bones turned to ash. It sounds awful, but it actually was a nice feeling somehow.

The nutmeg flavor stayed with me longer than I'd have liked. The aftertaste is awful, but nothing compared with the actual taste. Putrid.

I feel extra groggy right now. I'm going to try to drink some coffee and wake up more. I'm still getting the mild visuals. I often get visuals right when I wake up, but this seems slightly more than normal.

I will probably do it again someday, but not for a while. The flavor is enough to make me hesitate as well as the facts that with heavy usage it can be a carcinogen and can become hepatotoxic.