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finished packing the books
now i'm making some mac and cheese
then i'm going to shave
head to the bank
pick up some paper towels and cleaning supplies
and head back to the house_of_clocks
fun fun
at least i'm getting stuff done

i can feel my last dose of geodon wearing off
i'm twitchy
shakey
panicky
i don't like this
and i'm still sick
i'm thinking of taking some seroquel
that'll knock me out for the worst of it
i haven't been knocking myself out while i'm sick
i'm afraid that'll just make me sicker
or lead to complications i can't wake up for
like choking on my own vomit
or pneumonia
the fears may be irrational
but i have them
i must ignore them
i'm going to shave my face while i still have the requisite coordination for such an activity
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i don't know what to post as my mood
sick or distressed
i think i'm going to go with sick
just because that seems to go along with the previous posts

i can't find my baking soda
i'll have to wait until merryperseis wakes up
she has some in her room
i'll use it
i'm just not up to a large baking soda/sock quest right now
i'm boiling water to try to make the place more humid
it's very dry here
i need to fix my face so i can go to walgreens
but i don't feel up to that either
i'd like to sleep, but i can't find my way to slumber
i'm delirious
my head is throbbing
the world is throbbing
pulsing
angles change quickly
i'm not sure where i am
i'm typing into a window
i'm not having fun

I walked to purpleglitter's apartment at 1:00am so she didn't have to wake up alone on her birthday. It's nice that she lives in Arlington now, and I can just walk over. Especially as her car is in the shop.

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I forgot to bring my foundation with me, so I'm going to have to walk back home without any makeup on. I plan to play Cousin It, and cover my face with my hair. I learned that trick in the hospital, because it often would be some time before I'd get someone to watch me with sharps in the morning, so I'd have to walk around with my face unshaved. Not wanting anyone to see that, I'd cover my face with my hair. Sometimes the staff would gripe at me "Let's see your face." or "You can't walk around like that.", but I would generally ignore them.

Yesterday afternoon, I went to the Salvation Army with merryperseis and purpleglitter. I got a ton of new clothes for only $15. I didn't get as much summer stuff as I had planned, but I did get a wonderful knee-length piece of lingerie that will make a very nice summer dress.

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After we got back from the Salvation Army, we went and fed the geese at Spy Pond. Even the swans ate out of my hand. Only the ducks are too timid. Or too short. Or are simply afraid getting in front of the geese.

merrryperseis brought bubbles. After she was done making bubbles, she let me make them. The geese didn't quite know what to make of the bubbles. They'd inspect them as they floated by and the scurry away if they got too close.

A woman who had her toddler at the pond brought her to see the bubbles. She loved playing in the bubbles. She stayed for about ten minutes as I blew bubbles at her. It was big fun. She kept reaching his hand out trying to catch one. They always seemed to miss her hand and hit her face. She didn't seem to mind. In fact she laughed every time one hit her face.

I took much time to smell the flowers on the way back. Spy Pond is a little piece of paradise right in Arlington.

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After Spy Pond, we sat and talked in the livingroom fo an hour or so, then purpleglitter went home. Rosey joined merryperseis and I on a trip to the Diesel Café. The Diesel's front windows can be raised in a garage door type fashion as they were today. We sat at a table right on the edge of the sidewalk, which was very convenient, as Rosey could smoke and talk to us at the same time.

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Back at home, merryperseis and I spent a beautiful romantic evening together. The day would have been perfect if I didn't have a freakout in the closet after merryperseis went to bed. I woke her up and she helped me get back into a good state so I could sleep. Even with that sour note, the day was wonderful, One I wouldn't mind repeating.

Sat and talked in the playroom with merrryperseis for a while last night. I found out she had never seen The Matrix! Luckily, I just happen to own a copy, and we watched it slightly stoned.

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Around midnight, purpleglitter came over. We made a late night trip to the 24 hour CVS in Porter Square to get food for the hungry kitties. It reminded me of all the late night trips we used to make when she lived here. I really miss her being in the house. I miss having someone to hug anytime I needed one. I miss her face every morning. I miss having coffee together. I miss so much about her being here. I wish she didn't have to moved.

i am ugly. my face is an eyesore. i hate being ugly. i hate it. i hate it. i want to dance on the stars, but instead i cry on the floor.