I made lasagna last night. I never made lasagna before. I don't generally follow recipes when I cook. When I set out to cook something I've never attempted before, I look up a couple recipes and develop an understanding of how the dish works. From that understanding, I create the dish. I don't do rote, never did. Memorization is for machines. Computers memorize the formulas called programs. They do not deviate from their programming. Even when they are programmed to program themselves, they are still subject to the programs that tell them to write the programs. They do not have free will. Not yet, anyway. Someday perhaps and on that day they can cook lasagna.

The Universe is alive and the very particles that make up your body have free will. Our level of existence does not deny theirs, nor does their free will deny ours. In the same manner, our free will does not deny the Universe Its free will nor does the Universe's free will deny us ours. We are part of the God just as the particles that make up our bodies are part of us. Existence is not limited to our size or our view. Action, thought, even consciousness happens below and above.

For each of the following, indicate which one you option you like more (or dislike less) by selecting a number on that side of the scale. The closer to -5 or 5 indicates the degree to which you prefer that option.

Poll #854560
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

butterflies (-5) vs. dragonflies (5)

China (-5) vs. Russia (5)

Christianity (-5) vs. Islam (5)

Doctor Who (-5) vs. Star Trek (5)

fossil fuel burning power plants (-5) vs. nuclear power plants (5)

fruit (-5) vs. vegetables (5)

Hugo Chávez (-5) vs. George W. Bush (5)

Iraq under Saddam (-5) vs. Post-Saddam Iraq (5)

madness (-5) vs. sanity (5)

Mars (-5) vs. Venus (5)

meat (-5) vs. tofu (5)

New York City (-5) vs. Los Angeles (5)

North Korea (-5) vs. Iran (5)

Palestine (-5) vs. Israel (5)

paper (-5) vs. plastic (5)

Paris (-5) vs. London (5)

Scientologists (-5) vs. Christian Scientists (5)

determinism
can i say it is not so?
we are what we were meant to be
it's all been worked out
we've gone through the pattern a thousand times
and a thousand more well shall play this out
nothing ever changes

free will
where is this not?
no force of action
we free to move and shape our lives and our destiny
where we go, we choose to go
we effect change
we are always in flux

neither view is exclusive of the other
the universe is of both place
both "realities"
we are bound to our destinies and the shapers of them
future is unwritten and yet pre-scripted
we can neither change nor can we stay the same

look upon lies, there you will find the truth
look upon the broken, there you will find the hope
look upon nothing, there you will find everything

That that is has come before And that that was will be once more And as I sink beneath these waves I'll come again another day

the preceding was a refrain from a song i wrote when i was suicidal
it mixes in that mood with my belief in reincarnation
a belief i've been questioning of late
i feel myself slipping ever closer to atheism.
i feel doubt grabbing me
dragging me right past agnosticism
right into the valley of the nihilist
it's a place i do not want to go
i prefer to believe the universe is meant to be
that there is a point to all of this
i really like that belief
i'm not going to let it go without a fight
not an external fight
a fight within my brain
it is a quality of life issue
i think a lot of people need to believe in something
and as long as they are not forcing their beliefs on others, no harm done
it's actually quite healthy
and my belief that the universe is conscious and we are part of something greater does not hurt anyone
and it definitely doesn't hurt me
so i believe it is healthy
nihilism on the other hand is not healthy
especially for someone who has struggled with suicidality in the past
but nihilism only harms the person that believes in it
and nihilists don't tend to be preachy
it's merely a vice
it may shorten your life, but that's your own choice
or is it a choice?
i'm not choosing to become a nihilist
i'm just becoming more and more convinced that the universe is merely a sterile mathematical construct
i used to believe this 10 years ago, but then i took acid and saw things differently
now i believe the universe is pure thought
i believe it has a consciousness
i believe we are part of it
and i believe it has a beautiful structure of thoughts weaving in and out through time
i'd like to believe that this wonderful loving meaningful universe does exist
and that i'm part of that beauty
but if reasonably convinced otherwise
i will have to abandon it
and i don't like where that will leave me