My "rough draft filter" would be better called my "draft filter" as the majority of drafts are not "rough", so I'm changing the name to reflect that. If any of you that aren't on it want to be on it, you can request to be added here.

I doubt my therapist would be amenable to getting a livejournal herself. However, I would like her to have access to some of my locked posts without granting carte blanche access to my journal. Therefore, I have created an account called taccess that I can log into while in session with her. This solves the problem because taccess is my account, I am simply giving her temporary access to it.

I've been using private posts to keep track of my slow tagging of past entries, as well as one or two other slow-running lj projects. These projects are not a priority, and I tend to work on them when I find myself staring at the screen (often when I haven't properly woken up enough to do anything else). I make these posts often and they are transient like the posts on my rough draft filter, regularly deleted and updated. If anyone is masochistic enough to want to see these posts, I'll create a filter for them. Just ask.

Balancing 30 filters can lead to errors. While the most recent error was far from disastrous, I do need to keep closer tabs on who has access to which entries.

I've set up the rough draft filter and added some of my older rough drafts to the filter. If you aren't on yet and it interests you, comment here and I'll add you to it.

Due to the filtering friends page confusion, I have finally given in and added myself as a friend. Sometimes I want to see how my posts show up on friends pages, and I've usually gone to one of my friends journals to check that. But, I can no longer do that, so now I'm my own friend.

woo hoo.

My filtered posts are no longer showing up when I look at the friends pages of my friends when I'm logged in as me. I was confused and deleted one of the posts and reposted it trying to get it to work before I figured out that the LiveJournal crew decided to change the way things work without telling anyone. Sure, the new system may be less confusing to new people, but people who are used to it working the old way find it confusing when things are changed with no notice.

I've been making many private posts of late. These posts are intended to be temporary. They are essentially rough drafts for public posts that have been percolating in my mind. The private posts allow me to work on the writing wherever I am. I could email myself the rough drafts instead; but, if I'm working on LiveJournal, I might as well have what I'm working on saved on LiveJournal and not have to wade into the depths of my inbox.

Sometimes the process takes weeks or month, sometimes only days, and sometime I never end up posting the writing. Sometimes one post is broken into two, and sometimes two are combined into one. Sometimes something will sit for a long time and suddenly bloom. It is a fluid process, the process of hatching a writing.

Many of my posts are still "of the moment", sometimes I feel that something is ready to go on the first revision. Sometimes "of the moment" is more important than polished. But I do want to work on making more polished posts.

I will still run much of my posts by a couple people close to me, but they are not always available. Furthermore, sometimes I just like to sit and think about a post for a period of time before deciding whether to make it public or delete it.

I'm offering to add to my "rough draft" group anyone who wishes to see these formerly private posts. If you wish to be included, you should reply to this post. You don't have to want to help proofread to be on the filter. Voyeurism into my creative process is also an acceptable reason to request to be added.

Three things to keep in mind if you wish to be included: 1) You will often see the same post in multiple revisions. 2) Do not take too seriously what is posted on the filter, because much of it is part of my thinking process and not what I actually believe 3) Due to the nature of the filter, it will be common for entries on the filter to be deleted.

I'll probably set the filter up sometime tomorrow or Thursday.

i try to use make my journal as accurate an expression of me as possible
i try to censor as little of my life as possible
it is important
it is part of my statement
be ashamed of nothing
i know i don't embody that fully
there are things i'm ashamed of
i'm ashamed that i still pick my nose
that's something i've never mentioned in livejournal
and i am now
because this journal should be an expression of me
i try to use filters when posting things that might hurt somebody
i know there's a chance the person may see it anyway
but i can't break my statement
i must post how i'm feeling
where i am
it is a selfish act
i know this
but i feel compelled to do it anyway
i think that is why many people read my journal
because i don't hold much back
if i'm doing bad, i say i'm doing bad
if i just cut, i say i just cut
if i do cocaine, i say i did cocaine
i'm not trying to paint a bad or good picture
i'm trying to paint a real picture
i want the journal to be as pure as possible
and i know i've alienated and hurt people i love in the process
i know i've shot myself in the foot by saying too much at times
maybe i should change how i do things
maybe this journal is too much
maybe my statement is made already
maybe i should be less obsessed with letting go
releasing everything

This UTI is coming on fast. I'm drinking lots of cranberry juice, I hope it's enough to fight it. I hate UTIs, I hate them.

-----

I was embarrassed about the following two posts, and posted them originally as private. But now I see nothing about them that I should be embarrassed about. So I'm making them public.

Wet the bed

Not X

I just unprotected all posts about Beeb and added them to my LiveJournal memories. You can read the whole Beeb saga, from the beginning, here.


<edit>3/3/2006 - The beeb section in memories has been removed. The beeb saga is still accessable through tags.</edit>

I'm going to significantly reduce the amount of journals I read on LiveJournal. This will help me spend more time on my art and writing.

I created a new friends group which contains 37% of my friends list. From now on, I'll only be reading journals in that group. If you can read this, you made the cut.

I've also reduced the number of communities that I read to 17% of the communities that I am a member of (plus lj_maintenance, lj_win32, and news).

I'm not deleting anyone from my friends page, because I still want those people to have access to my friends-only posts.

Lake saw my leg from yesterday. She knows I cut. It's hard keeping secrets from Lake. I'm not very good at it. I went ahead and made the last post about cutting public, now that it doesn't matter.