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one cannot help but make harm
to live hurts
and hurts those around
consuming
and moving
break the space around you
as the dread pirate roberts said:
life is pain
anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something

we see only that which our narrow focus allows
even looking at the big picture is a narrow focus
one loses some of the small
even with all the shudders open
we can only take in so much
we do with what we have
seeing what we see
they say the road to hell is paved in good intentions
but inaction can lead there just the same
good intentions alone do not always good actions make
and we cannot do good action all the time
because we only see a narrow focus
we cannot see where all our actions lead
we all do harm
we can try to do more good than harm
even so we will sometime still do harm instead
we are half-blind elephants in a shop of glassware
it is inevitable

I will probably be okay.

( However... (TMI) )

I didn't notice that my salsa bottle had broken until I realized I was munching on broken glass. I'm sure I swallowed at least a few shards (most likely <1cm long), as I am picking tiny bits of glass from between my teeth and gums. I ate some Metamucil cookies to cushion the journey of the shards through my digestive tract.

Mmmm... extra crunchy.

2mg of klonopin
2mg of ativan
i should be asleep soon
but for now some stream of consciousness
i had a good day
except for all the hiding under the covers
i sleep a lot
sleeping is like hiding
i have strange dreams
but reality is surreal, too
i don't know where i'm going
i thought i had my bearings
but i seem to have lost them again
must get back on course
i need to do something
i need to be doing something
i'm lost
i'm very lost
i don't know who i am anymore
i once wrote a letter to myself
but i lost it
i don't remember what it said
i was supposed to read it
it told me who i was
but now i don't know
it's been a long time
a very long time
and i'm still searching
for something i may never have had
questions
i'm going to be 30 very soon
three decades
what have i done with my time?
glass prisms in the window
streetlights shine outside
the night is calm
i want to go to spy pond
but too late for that
pills pills pills
i wish i had some pot
i would so love to get stoned
or drunk
or anything really
acid or ecstasy would be nice
find out stuff
i want to find the answers
i didn't meditate tonight
should have
too late now
i'll remember to do that tomorrow
tomorrow
gotta deal with the bank and phone company tomorrow
fun fun
someday i'll get the phone reconnected
i also need to get the party invites sent out
gather up email addresses
i'm going to go to sleep now
sleep
sleep
sleep
good night

miss lucy had a steamboat

very important, because this sets us the next 3 lines, which have nothing to do with the song

the steamboat had a bell

good for the steamboat

the steamboat went to heaven

good steamboat. pious steamboat

miss lucy went to...
hello operator
give me number nine

single digit phone numbers. you can tell this is from a long time ago

if you disconnect me
i'll kick you in the...
behind the 'fridgerator
there was a piece of glass
miss lucy sat upon it

sitting behind the refrigerator is not normal behavior. it's quite odd indeed. the effort involved in moving such an object away from the wall to sit behind it does show some determination, though.

and broke her little...
ask me no more questions
and i'll tell you no more lies

sounds like a good deal

miss lucy's in the bathroom
making chocolate pies

that way we know that she didn't really break her ass. that was one of the lies. or maybe it was the truth and the end was a lie. maybe it's all lies.

lies.

that's all there is...

lies.

I'm finally home. However, I'll be spending the night at purpleglitter's tonight. In order for me to be released today, purpleglitter had to agree to keep an eye on me. She's unpacking my stuff for me right now. Looking around the room, I still need to pick up some of the broken glass from Hurricane Krystal. I think I'm going to mellow out here for a while before heading back to purpleglitter's

The drivers for my USB port aren't working, so I haven't been able to use the scanner. I was planning to bring a CD home from purpleglitter's apartment that I could reinstall them from, but I forgot to take it with me.

It doesn't matter now. Fish just knocked the heavy glass head from the shelf above the scanner onto the scanner. While it didn't break the glass, but it did knock it one side of the glass off from the plastic so that it droops down into the scanner, meaning the scans will no longer be in focus.

Note to dan4th: I in NO way hold you responsible for this. Cats break things. That's just part of living with them. It could just have easily been Mazzy breaking something of yours.