Since I've been symptom free except for a very slight cough and stuffiness today that very likely has nothing to do with anything, the clinic told me I don't really need to be tested. I was told that even if I do have whooping cough, it is doubtful at this stage that I would have passed it on. They are giving me a 5-day prophylactic antibiotic treatment. While they didn't seem to think it is necessary, I'm going to try to avoid hanging out with anyone until I'm done with the 5-day treatment.

I just got an email saying that I may have been exposed to whooping cough. I'm going to make an appointment and get tested as soon as possible. If I have it, that pretty much cancels any plans I have with anyone.

Today on the bus home, during a mild and otherwise unremarkable vertigo episode, I experienced grapheme to colour synæsthesia for the first time.

Letters, numbers, words having colour is a whole different level than mere sense switching. This isn't seeing sound or smelling touch, where sensory data can be dumped raw from one data stream to another. Graphemes must be processed from the raw sensory data before the colour can be attached to them and then the graphemes along with the attached colours must be dumped into the display process.

Audio to visual synæsthesia is easier to understand, with harmonies creating the geometric patters and colours commonly associated with it. There need be no pre-storage of data. However, for graphemes to have specific colours associated with them, there must be some sort of data structure storing the associations. The existence of that data structure seems odd to me.

I'd like to explore it more, as a more detailed knowledge of the connections involved could prove useful in mindware programming. Unfortunately, the experience was transitory and only lasted a few minutes. While for me it only affected one letter out of the alphabet, it was significant and stable for the brief time I experienced it.

yesterday
as lake was leaving
i found a pigeon in the back garden
she was just sitting there
i went up to her
she was unable to fly
i picked her up and put her in a box
and gave her some food
and water
i checked her wings
they were not broken
i tried to coax her to fly
but all she could do was flutter
she got used to me quickly
and would step up onto my hand
and she even jumped onto my shoulder

the rain was coming
i couldn't leave her outside
so i got one of the bird cages we don't use anymore
and put her in it
in the basement
i tried to find an animal rescue that would take her
no luck
everyone i called was at capacity
and gave me the same speech about not enough funding
i continued to try throughout the day

i kept watch on her in the basement
around 2, i brought her outside
she had lice
pretty bad lice
the rain had stopped
and i sat with her on the back porch
for about an hour and a half
picking the lice off her
and giving her scritches
she just laid in my hand

i gave her some water
from a bowl
as i held her

i put her back in her cage
i had other things to do during the day
the next time i went down she couldn't use her legs
she was flopping around the cage
she was getting worse
i gave her more water
though i had to hold her head up to the bowl
i picked some more of the lice off
and put her back

i was still trying to find a rehabber
but at this point it was becoming clear
i wouldn't find a place until the morning

the next time i went down
she was having spasms
i had talked to a vet
she told me to make sure to give her some gruel through an oral syringe
i had come down to do that
but i never did
her neck was twisted around so much that i thought it was broken
i moved it back
she was still alive
but she was stiff
she felt half-dead
it wasn't much longer
i buried her in the garden where i found her
the rains had started again
i placed her in the earth
with some wish pods
under the tree
in the garden
where she can fly away

i think i was wrong about my toe being broken
i think it is just badly sprained
not that the swelling has gone down
it is easier to tell
that is good
though it still hurts to walk
and running is out of the question
but it will heal much faster
not that i am planning to do much running in the near future

i feel a bit embarrassed about the confusion
but it's really not a big deal
i always feel as if i've failed when i'm wrong about something
i need to let myself be human
even if being human makes my skin crawl a bit
a bit of internalized anthropophobia

tonight was the last night of the bird meds
i am glad
tomorrow we will find if dubbins is better
i am worried

tomorrow is also paddington's grooming appointment
i moved it to tomorrow so lake could drive
because i had a not-broken toe
a strain would have stopped me to
so either way
tomorrow
which might be today by some people's estimation
but i don't change the day until neitherday has passed
the penny plan goes through neitherday
the day changes at 4am

i am tired
i must be up early
i should go to bed now
but i probably won't

i broke my toe today
i do not like having a broken toe
it hurts
however, at least it's just a toe broken
even though i can't run with a broken toe
i can still walk if i am careful
i taped my toe to it's neighbor
with a popsicle stick in between
cut to size of course
i don't think i'll be able to get paddington to the groomer tomorrow

the birds are sick
well only dubbins is know to be sick
protozoans
but they have to take meds twice a day
just in case
they hate it
and it makes me sad to give it to them
because i worry they hate me for making them take it
i've been giving it to them for 9 days
only one more day
and we see if dubbins is cured

we found out sir dubbins is a girl
but she'll always be our sir dubbins

the penny plan goes well, but i have made it incredibly complicated
the whole things start simply thing
that's just the way it is

i haven't been on livejournal much lately
mostly because the penny plan
because i have to pay to use livejournal
although i often miss the level of interaction i had with people here
it is probably a good thing that i am getting things done

i am hungry
i should eat some food

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884), posted for xhappyx:

Headache — new remedy for. — A new remedy for headache has been found by Dr. Haley, an Australian physician, who says that for some years past he has found minimum doses of iodine of potassium of great service in frontal headache; that is, a heavy, dull headache, situated over the brow, and accompanied by languor, chilliness, and a feeling of general discomfort, with distaste for food, which sometimes approaches to nausea, can be completely removed by a two-grain dose dissolved in half a wineglassful of water, and this quietly sipped, the whole quantity being taken in about ten minutes. In many cases, he adds, the effect of these small doses has been simply wonderful, as, for instance, a person, who a quarter of an hour ago was feeling most miserable, and refused all food, wishing only for quietness, would now take a good meal and resume his wonted cheerfulness.    Headache and Cold Feet. — There are many who suffer from headaches and cold feet. If they would plunge their feet in cold water every morning, and use the flesh-brush every night, it would relieve them both.    Headache — several cures for. — 1. Coarse brown paper soaked in vinegar and placed on the forehead is good for a sick headache. If the eyelids are gently bathed in cold water the pain in the head is generally allayed.    2. In Potosi the most violent headaches, so very common there, are cured by putting the feet in hot water.    3. A mixture of ice and salt in proportion of one to one-half, applied to the head, frequently gives instant relief from acute headache. It should be tied up in a small linen cloth, like a pad, and held as near as possible to the seat of the pain.    4. We have known some extreme cases of headache cured in half an hour by taking a teaspoonful of finely powdered charcoal in half a tumbler of water. It is an innocent yet powerful alkali.    5. For sick-headache, take a tumbler two-thirds full of finely crushed ice, the juice of one lemon, and one teacupful of white sugar. The mixture, eaten by degrees, or all at once, will allay the feverish thirst, and quiet the disturbed, qualmish stomach, as it is not sweet enough to be nauseous.    6. Sick headache can often be greatly relieved, and sometimes entirely cured, by the application of a mustard plaster at the base of the neck. The plaster should not be kept on more than a quarter of an hour.    Headache (Billious) — cure for. — Dissolve and drink two teaspoonfuls of finely-powdered charcoal in half a tumbler of water; it will relieve in fifteen minutes. Take a seidlitz powder an hour afterward.    Headache (Nervous) — relief for. — Many persons find speedy relief for nervous headache by washing the hair thoroughly in weak soda water. I have known severe cases almost wholly cured in ten minutes by this simple remedy. A friend finds it the greatest relief in cases of "rare cold," the cold symptoms entirely leaving the eyes and nose after one thorough washing of the hair. The head should be thoroughly dried afterward, and avoid draughts of air for a little while.

The erythromycin makes my eyes feel worse than the conjunctivitis did.

Skye is home!!

She had prepidil (prostaglandin) applied topically but hadn't pasted the egg when I came in to visit her. On my way home from the visit, I got a call saying she had passed the egg! She passed it as they were preparing to put her under anesthesia for ovocentesis. She didn't have to have it done and now my Skye bird is home where she belongs!

Skye is at Angell Memorial. She was admitted last night and is egg bound. She has an abnormally large egg in her. She's getting an additional calcium shot tonight, but if she hasn't passed the egg by morning our options are ovocentesis or prostaglandin. Both are risky. purpleglitter and I have decided on ovocentesis because we believe skye is more likely to be able to fight the risks associated with ovocentesis. We are also considering having her oviduct removed. The procedure is risky on a budgie, but so is her reoccurring problem with egg binding. Further, while introducing its own risks, having her oviduct removed would eliminate one of the key risks of ovocentesis: remaining bits of shell creating a future blockage.

Please keep Skye in your thoughts and prayers.

I walked around Arlington and Cambridge yesterday without a cane. i'm experimenting to see if I can (at least temporarily) leave them at home. I don't like having to carry one. I almost fell down at a couple points, but I didn't. While not completely inactive, my vertigo issues seem to be at a relatively inactive point. I know that I'll probably need to take a cane with me again in the future — but if I'm not going to be falling every day, I don't need to bring my cane with me every day, eh? I can take the occasional tumble, especially since I'm wearing thick fake fur coats with padding to dampen any falls that do happen.

Yesterday morning, purpleglitter and I got up early to pick up the two cutest English budgies. The rusty cage they were in sucked and there were two cats there were being allowed batting at their tail feathers, but the had each other and to their former owner's credit, they had insisted they not be separated in their craigslist ad. They are so obviously bonded, they are snuggled up against each other more often then they are not. We are calling them Statler and Waldorf.


( +1 )

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Statler and Waldorf home safe and sound, I had to head out to my endocrinology appointment, which went well. It is obvious that my endocrinologist is still not entirely comfortable with me being off psychiatric medication and not in therapy, even though it has been years and I'm doing fine. At least at this point she no longer suggests I go back to either. She did, however, suggest I see my primary care provider. I won't, I don't trust my pcp anymore. However, my endo let slip the name of a primary care doctor popular who is popular with her trannie patients that I'm going to check out switching to.

-----

After they got done taking my blood, I went over to see Ila. She has been teaching me Telugu script, though the words we've been going over have been Sanskrit. This week I need to practice writing conjunct consonants. I think the script is beautiful and am grateful for the opportunity to attempt to learn it. Ila seems to enjoy showing it to me — which is good, otherwise she probably wouldn't.

i'm just not fit for snow shoveling anymore
but it still needs to be done
so i did it
it's cold out there
i'm pretty dizzy in here, but it is done
for now
there is more snow falling
it won't be done for long
winter in massachusetts

I had thought of the Building 19 food section as an equivalent to the dented cans section of Stop & Shop. Not any more, that can of tomatoe soup literally tasted like stale old vomit. Absolutely disgusting. I will never buy a food item from Building 19 again.

I dumped it out and made a pot of a good can of tomatoe soup from Stop & Shop, but couldn't get the bad taste out of my mouth. Then I got worried about what might have made the first can taste like vomit and made myself throw up to reduce the amount of whatever bad I just ate. The actual vomit didn't taste nearly as bad as the first can of soup, likely because it was mixed with the good can of soup I ate.

Afterwards, I brushed my teeth and the fowl aftertaste has been greatly reduced. However, I'm still worried I didn't get enough of the bad stuff out.

This experience made me realize one good thing.: my bulimic days are so strongly enough behind me that an episode like this isn't even triggery.

Today marks 2 years since I was released from Cahill 3, the last time I was on a locked psych unit.

For years, I was constantly in and out of hospitals. Throughout that time I was put on various medications: prozac, geodon, seroquel, zyprexa, depakote, lithium, ativan, klonopin, celexa, zoloft, and too many others to list here.

At times, the medications seemed like it was helping, but what it was really dong was preventing me from getting better. It wasn't until I stopped taking the medications that I started truly improving. It wasn't until I stopped taking the medication that I was able to stay out of the hospital.

Mental problems need a mental solution. Mental "illness" is not like diabetes or cancer. The speculation that mental "diseases" are biologically based is just that — speculation. There is no evidence to back it up, but the idea is treated as gospel. It is more religion than science.

Without the medications obscuring my real issues or slowing my brain down to the point that thinking was a labourious activity, I was able to directly address my problems and I was able to make myself better. I've been out of the hospital for 2 years and I'm sure that if I had continued to take their drugs, I wouldn't be able to say that.

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884):

Toast and Water. — This is the most wholesome, and, if properly made, palatable drink for children and invalids. Toast two or three thin slices of bread thoroughly, until they are quite dry and of a red-brown color — not burned. Pour boiling water on them, and add a small piece of lemon peel. When cold, strain off into a jug for use.

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884):

Things to try. — Try popcorn for nausea.    Try cranberries for malaria.    Try a sun-bath for rheumatism.    Try ginger ale for stomach cramps.    Try clam broth for a weak stomach.    Try cranberry poultice for erysipelas.    Try a wet towel to the back of the neck when sleepless.    Try swallowing saliva when troubled with sour stomach.    Try eating fresh radishes and yellow turnips for gravel.    Try eating onions and horseradish to relieve dropsical swellings.    Try buttermilk for removal of freckles, tan, and butternut stains.    Try taking your cod liver oil in tomato catsup, if you want to make it palatable.    Try hard cider -- a wine-glass three times a day -- for ague and rheumatism.    Try taking a nap in the afternoon if you are going to be out late in the evening.    Try breathing the fumes of turpentine or carbolic acid to remove whooping cough.    Try a cloth wrung out from cold water put about the neck at night for sore throat.    Try snuffing powdered borax up the nostrils for catarrhal "cold in the head."    Try walking with your hands behind you if you find yourself becoming bent forward.    Try a silk handkerchief over the face when obliged to go against a cold piercing wind.    Try planting sunflowers in your garden if compelled to live in a malarial district.

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884), posted at the request of kitsunekaboom

Ringworm — remedy for. — When the disease does not come from direct contagion, children are generally in a poor state of blood, and good living, sea air, and tonic medicines are of great benefit. The following application will frequently be found of much service: Wash the part effected with a little lemon juice; then rub in with the finger a little gunpowder which has been bruised in a mortar. Do this gently about twice a day. Be very careful not to make the skin sore.

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884):

Worms — treatment of. — Some members of the profession still cling with bull-dog tenacity to the opinion that worms do not affect the health of children, and that they are natural to them. The latter may or may not be true, but when they accumulate in the intestines, they produce the same disturbance that any foreign, indigestible substance would do. We find the picking of the nose, swollen lower eye-lids, restlessness in sleep, groaning, gritting teeth, starting, and lastly, spasms.    Worms kill more children than teething*; and when you find the above symptoms with a strawberry tongue and a fever, which will attack several times daily, going off as frequently in cold sweats, you can swear that you have a case of worms, and had as well prepare and attack them.    Now as to the best means of getting rid of them. I use the fluid extract of senna and spigelia in teaspoon doses for patients of eight or ten years of age, and less in proportion, night and morning, for three nights and days, following this up each morning with a good dose of castor oil, provided the senna and spigelia does not act. Then wait three days, and again institute the same proceedings, and for the same length of time.    This treatment is for the lumbricoid. For the oxyuris, or "thread worm," I see any bitter infusion by enema, sulph, quinine, followed by an enema of common salt and milk-warm water half an hour afterward, which will destroy and expel them.    The symptoms of the presence of the worm are the same as the scratching of the anus. If every practitioner will use these he will be gratified by the restoration to immediate health of many a little sufferer, who would otherwise linger in sickness for many months and perhaps eventually die.    Worms in Horses — to cure. — A remedy for worms in a horse which has never failed of a cure is to take half a cup of pure, hard wood ashes, finely sifted and mixed dry with the mash or food. If one dose should not prove sufficient, repeat it after a day or two.    Worm Lozenges. — Powdered lump sugar, ten ounces; starch, five ounces; mix with mucilage; and to every ounce add twelve grains of calomel; divide into twenty grain lozenges. Dose, two to six.    Worm Medicines. — 1. Two tablespoonfuls of pumpkin seeds peeled and pulverized, or given to a child who will chew fine. The seed does not kill, but stupefies the worm. The next day give castor oil or any other cathartic, and if the worms are present in the system they will pass off.    2. Make an infusion in the proportion of one pint of boiling water to one ounce of dried hyssop flowers; let it stand ten minutes; pour it off into a wine bottle, and take a wine-glass, or rather less, according to age, two or three times a day.

* Teething was thought to be a common cause infant mortality in the 19^th century, however most "teething deaths" were actually caused by opium poising from the opium and morphine teething infants were treated with.