Just 2.6 percent of Massachusetts drivers have junior operator's licenses or learner's permits, but when state laws governing these drivers change on Saturday, nearly everyone will be affected. The list includes teen drivers, their friends, their families, anyone who pays car insurance, and anyone who's ever been touched by stories of teens killed in high-speed crashes. The changes are aimed at making teenage drivers take safety seriously by toughening the punishment for those who don't. Junior operators -- new drivers under age 18 -- who get a speeding ticket will have their licenses automatically suspended for 90 days. Almost all basic offenses will carry suspensions, as well as fines and fees of up to $1,000. full article

Essentially, a teenager, naturally unfamiliar with the roads around where they live, accidentally goes down a one way street the wrong way and gets hit by $1000 in fines? Or maybe they didn't notice a speed limit changed and WHAM your family's not making rent this month! The fines for a simple error are outrageous and fly in the tradition of treating minors as less responsible for law breaking. Now teenagers will face fines over an order of magnitude larger than adults charged with the same violation.

This kind of fine-base approach, as in the state's shining "universal" healthcare law that provides healthcare to everyone by fining uninsured people who don't purchase health insurance just makes Massachusetts that much less affordable. And the cost of living in Massachusetts is the reason so many people are leaving this so-called liberal state.

President Bush likes to say that his health-care proposal would "level the playing field" between people who get health coverage through their job and those who buy it on their own. But experts said yesterday that it would tilt that field toward a kind of health insurance that Bush has long favored -- a high-deductible plan paired with a special tax-exempt health savings account, or HSA. ... Bush's proposal seeks to eliminate the long-standing tax break for job-based medical insurance, requiring that a worker's taxable income include any money his employer contributes to help pay the premiums. A new tax deduction -- $15,000 a year for families and $7,500 for individuals -- would help people pay the premiums, either through their job or on their own. The plan faces opposition from Democrats in Congress. ... Len Burman, director of the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center, said that, in leveling the field, the White House should also seek to scrap the HSA tax break, whose purpose is to counter the tax code's current bias toward comprehensive and expensive employer-provided coverage. Under Bush's plan, it would be the only extra tax break for health insurance -- one that would most benefit wealthy people, who can best afford the financial risk of a high-deductible plan and to sock away a lot of money in an HSA. ... Burman said eliminating the HSA tax break would bring in billions of dollars that Bush could put toward the other initiative he proposed this week -- giving states special grants to fund innovative ways of covering the nation's 47 million uninsured. "This is not just free money just sitting there," he said. "There really is a big opportunity cost." full article

This is not a tax cut. Bush is proposing taxing employees where they were not taxed before. Adding new taxes is a tax increase.

Of course his new taxes will barely (if at all) touch the wealthy. Of course employers don't have to pay the new tax. And to offset the hardship the wealthy will experience at not having to pay this tax, he proposes a new tax break for the wealthy. Everyone else, go suck an egg.

I propose "Mr. Tax Cut" Bush be spanked spanked repeatedly with this proposal. I propose that "Bush is proposing a tax increase" be a talking point. He is repeating the lies of his father. Read my lips: "Trumpet it!"

Good morning.

I had a wonderful thanksgiving. In yesterday's post on thanks giving, I wrote about one aspect of thankfulness. However, there are many aspects of thankfulness and there is much I am thankful for. The following is an incomplete list:

I am thankful to have been able to spend a holiday with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece. I am thankful to be able to call them family. I am thankful for the rest of my family, both found and blood. I am thankful that I have a home to head to, and that when I get there I will not have to worry about having enough to eat. I am thankful that I can express my thanks online. I am thankful that, even if I have problems with it sometimes, I have access to medical care. I am thankful that I live in a place that I can leave my house anytime day or night and be relatively safe. I am thankful for the kisses I get from Skye. I am thankful for Spy Pond. And, I am thankful that I am not so bitter and jaded that I could not be thankful for the blessing I have received.

My dad:

His surgery went fine and should be out in time to vote straight Republican. They are going to put the second stint in next Monday. Things are looking good and he appears very willing to give up cigarettes.

Me:

I do not have Behçet's disease (with about a 95% certainty). However, he was cautious about the" ulcerations" on my tongue and suggests that I get a biopsy after I get a teeth cleaning. He did not have a suggestion as to what they might be looking for with a biopsy. I've had the ulcerations on my tongue for as long as I can remember, the one dentist I asked said I must be biting my tongue in my sleep. I accepted that then, but now am questioning that assessment.

Of course, since the doctor I saw today is an Behçet's expert and outside my normal insurance it would make sense to attempt to find the care in-network. I'm not even sure if this is where I want to put my energy: if the weird tongue issues are not connected, I'd rather concentrate on the vertigo.

I've been getting out more, which is good. My cycle of vertigo episodes appears to be waning, but I am still not free of this wave. If I keep improving at this rate perhaps in a week I'll stop carrying a staff or cane with me when I go out.

My primary care nurse has yet to produce the referral to the neurologist I wanted. I have given up on her being of much use and have located on my own a doctor of oral pathology who is an expert on Behçet's Disease as well as a sufferer himself. He should be able to rule in or rule out Behçet's as an explanation for my symptoms. Unfortunately, I'll have to pay for the appointment out of pocket, which will definitely be a strain on the coming month's already tight budget.

While I was sitting on a bench on the shore Spy Pond last week, I found myself looking down from above at Spy Pond and the autumnal trees of Elizabeth Island. Whether this was some sort of spontaneous out of body experience or a product of dissociation combined with vertigo and a high aptitude for spacial transitioning, I do not know.

Regardless of how I got there, it brought my thoughts to the budgies. The budgies get a lot of out-of-cage time. They fly around a lot in Lake's apartment. But it's not the same. The room has a ceiling and walls. The room has limits and I wish I could give them the sky. They are birds, that freedom is their hatchright. It seems unfair to keep them contained, but there is no realistic other option. To set them free in New England, especially on the dawn of winter, would be to give them death sentences.

We do our best to give them the closest to what they deserve as possible. We try to give them what we hope is a better life than they would have in the wild: providing a constant food supply, healthcare, and freedom from predators. It might not be enough, but it is all that we have to offer.

I saw my therapist yesterday. I still don't know the point of going, but I still keep going. I have an appointment next Monday. I'm quite ambivalent about it, but I'll probably go anyway. My therapist wants me to keep going, but also wants me to find my own reason to keep going. I am not motivated to search a reason to continue therapy, as I don't really believe that I would find one. Perhaps, if she thinks I should keep going then she should find a reason for me to do so. I feel the whole endeavour is a waste of resources.

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Today, zarthon is taking me to see my primary care nurse. Hopefully she'll give me the referral I want. At the very least, I'll get a flu shot.

After that, purpleglitter and I will be meeting riga_mortia at the Diesel Café. bathofblood may or may not be there.

riga_mortia wants me to go with her and possibly panda_cookie and/or bathofblood to mute_halo's grave tomorrow. I don't think I am physically up to it right now, considering the frequency and severity of the vertigo episodes I've had lately. Even if I was physically able, I think seeing Rob might be something I want to do on my own.

I haven't really talked about how I've been doing lately. The "episodes" have been on an upswing. I have spent the majority of today immobile. This has not been an uncommon day. I don't like this eating into my life. On days I can, going for my walks is an act of defiance. I want to get back to being productive and perhaps be on the road to getting a job again. I am mentally ready to go back to work, but it is not a realistic option as long as I have these cycles.

However, I am making some progress on figuring the problem out. I was previously unaware that "vertigo" has a specific medical definition. The term is much more specific and I believe better suited than "dizzy" for the spells I've been having. More specifically, I am suffering bouts of central vertigo, as it often is accompanied by blurred vision, loss of fine motor control, sensory distortions, slurred speech, and ataxia. The question still remains as to what is causing it.

I have found two candidate conditions: multiple sclerosis and Behçet's disease. Of course there is a good chance that it is neither, but they do give me a direction to go in when I try to get this issue checked out again. I'm going to make an appointment with my primary care nurse (who I think is a bit of a quack) and see if she can set me up again with a neurologist or someone who can properly look into my symptoms. I'm getting quite tired of this.

video from existentialista:



Emmie Rose died yesterday before her hearing could take place. Essentially, the hospital ethics committee decided the "ethical" course of action was to starve a baby to death. The state of Michigan will happily imprison the likes of Dr. Kevorkian, who assisted the suicides of people who wanted to die. However, a doctor deliberately killing a baby who's parents' want her to live is somehow legal? It is abhorrent.

A 50-year-old woman filed a federal lawsuit against Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center yesterday, saying she was forcibly undressed by five male security guards there last year after she refused a nurse's order to take off her clothes. The incident, which hospital officials have defended as necessary to make sure the woman was not hiding drugs or weapons, triggered flashbacks to childhood sexual abuse, according to the woman, Cassandra Sampson. She alleged in the suit that her civil rights were violated under the Americans with Disabilities Act, because hospital officials made no effort to protect her from psychological damage. Sampson said she went to the hospital for treatment of a severe migraine headache, but was moved to a psychiatric unit when she admitted struggling with self-destructive impulses. She said she pleaded to be allowed to keep at least her pants on before the strip search, but the nurse refused. ``Go ahead and rape me; everybody else has," Sampson said she cried out as the guards unbuckled her pants and removed them. ``They left me there with my underwear showing and my johnny up to my chest . . . I was crying, and [the nurse] said, `That's what you get for not listening to me.' " In a letter to Sampson, hospital officials said they were sorry she had such a terrible experience, but stood by their strict policy of searching psychiatric patients for their own benefit. ... A spokeswoman at UMass Memorial Medical Center in Worcester said the hospital never asks psychiatric patients to undress on arrival. If they suspect the patient may be dangerous, security guards perform a clothed pat-down search. Dr. Maggie Bennington-Davis led a successful effort to stop strip searches of psychiatric patients at Salem Hospital in Oregon in 2003. ``We can't be hauling people in here and be doing more harm to them," she said. ``It's very clear that a strip search retraumatizes them." ... Sampson hadn't intended to go to Beth Israel's emergency room on March 25, 2005, according to the lawsuit. But it was a weekend, and her primary care physician said the ER would be the best place to get help for severe migraine headaches that had persisted for three days. However, as soon as Sampson told a nurse that she took psychiatric medications and that she had been battling impulses to hurt herself that week, the nurse said she would need a psychiatric evaluation. Nurse Heather A. Richter then told Sampson that she would need to completely undress, according to the lawsuit. full article

This is absolutely disgusting. How in the world could Beth Israel's staff think it was in any way appropriate to have 5 male security guards rip off a woman's clothing? This story not only illustrates the dangers of being admitted into psych hospital for victims of sexual assault or abuse, it also illustrates the dangers of telling the wrong person about your feelings and thoughts. Note that Sampson only had thoughts of self harm, not suicide. Her life was NOT at risk. Psych wards are at most about safety nowadays. She did not need the babysitting of a hospital and she definitely did not need to be further traumatized. It was only a panicky nurse that caused her to end up there, this did not need to happen at all.

Yesterday, I went to therapy for the first time since July. During our talks, my therapist told me that I'm in the final stages of therapy. With that comes the question: "What now?".

It's a difficult question. Moving back into the productive workforce carries a good deal of it's own issues and getting in with a 6 year gap and outdated geek skill will present a challenge. I did really enjoy databases and if I do go back into tech I'd like to go back into designing them. There is something about databases that deeply appeals to me. I've done a small amount of data mining in the past, and that appeals to me even more than design. But, it would be easier to go back to design as that is where my experience really lies. It's been 6 years since I've done database design and I would need some refreshing is in order along with updating my skill set to fit the current environment.

However, I'm not entirely certain I want to go back into tech. It would be the easiest and likely the most lucrative choice available to me, but doing something artistic and/or crafty appeals to me greatly as well. Working on the tangible and creating things that will take on a journey and life of their own. I know that some of my databases are still in use and in that way they've taken on a life of their own, but it's not the same as something you can touch. I want to create and build. I just don't know if that is a viable prospect, as it requires capital to get started and insurance is a pain in the ass for the self-employed.

Going back to school would be a happy thing, perhaps studying math and physics like I started out on over a decade ago now, perhaps studying something else. But, that appears the least likely path right now. Financially I don't see how it could happen.

I am overwhelmed with possibilities. It's like I'm coming out a deep dark cave and can finally see great meadows and mountains and forests in front of me, all wondrous but I must choose if I will head towards the meadows or the mountains or the forests. Eyes opening for the first time, yet again.

For breakfast yesterday I had a veggie burger with basil mozzarella cheese and barbecue sauce; for lunch I had pizza balls with basil mozzarella, faux ham, and faux turkey topped with parmesan cheese; for dinner I had spaghetti in pizza sauce with parmesan cheese; for my healthy snack I had cashews.

Food went well, but I only got half of my half hour of exercise in with a walk up to Arlington Center and back in last evening's thunderstorm. Getting in my exercise is going to be hard right now because I've been having lots of wobbly/dizzy/fally/seizurey/whatever-the-hell-who-knows-the-doctors-apparently-don't episodes, but I will not let that be an excuse. I will continue to try to make Project Three Meals work. I refuse to let this crap control my life.

Money can't buy happiness. This is true. However, it can eliminate a lot of the causes of stress and sadness. Yes, the rich suffer too, money affords more opportunities to alleviate that suffering. Money can rid one of having to worry about unstable housing or the affordability of food and medicine. A trip to the emergency room doesn't decimate the finances of the well-off, and if one has wealth one has the luxury of being able to prepare an emergency fund for any unforeseen blip in their cash flow.

Pervasive in this culture a perception is that wealth = good; and motivated, hard-working people will end up rewarded. The reality is that wealth has a lot more to do with luck than it does anything else. Yes, there is work involved, but the idea that the $400 million CEO works harder than the day labourer is ridiculous. If the labourer ends up in a nasty car wreck and falls into utter financial ruin, it is perceived as their fault and that they deserve their fate. The CEO who screws up often still makes off with millions in severance.

The simple act of making money may not be evil in and of itself, but neither is it a virtue. There is no inherent dignity in wealth. The past clings too hard to the future, and we still live with the age-old stench of poverty = moral inferiority. The rich have their money because they are the best stewards of it. The poor wouldn't know what to do with it and would simply squander it. When the rich get richer, everyone will benefit as those on top unzip their flies and trickle down on the unworthy beneath them. Bullshit.

I found out from the Stop & Shop Pharmacy yesterday that my insurance has refused to cover my new prescription for injectable estradiol, meaning I would have to pay $220/month. That amount is completely out of the question, so I'll be continuing with my old hrt regimen even if it isn't working perfectly. So be it.

I saw my endocrinologist last night. My testosterone levels are a bit too high, however my estrogen levels are high as well. She thinks that another delivery system for the estrogen will help better. She wanted to give me a cream that absorbs through the skin, but my insurance won't cover it. Instead I will be getting injectable estrogen. I'm going to have to learn how to give myself shots. I need to find a pharmacy that carries the prescription, as Walgreens does not. I'll still be talking my estradiol until I meet with a nurse to instruct me on how to give myself the shots.