From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884):

Cockroaches — ways to destroy. — 1. The disagreeable odor which the cockroach emits, and which soon permeates all places that it inhabits, proceeds from a dark colored fluid which it discharges from the mouth. The cockroach loves warmth and moisture, hence its populousness in kitchens where fire and water are almost ever present. It is a night prowler, and swarms out from its secret lairs on the departure of daylight.    For the destruction of the cockroach we recommend a mixture containing a tablespoonful of red lead, the same amount of indian meal, with molasses enough to make a thick batter. Set this on a plate at night in places frequented by the insects and all that eat of it will be poisoned. Another preparation is composed of one teaspoonful of powdered arsenic, with a tablespoonful of mashed potato. Crumble this every night at bed-time where the insects will find it, and it is said to be an effectual poison. Great care should be exercised in the use of such dangerous agents. An innocent method of destroying cockroaches is to place a bowl or basin containing a little molasses on the floor at night. A bit of wood, resting one end on the floor and the other on the edge of the vessel, serves as a bridge to conduct the insects to the sweet deposit. Once in the trap its slippery sides prevent retreat, and thus cockroaches may be caught by the thousands.    2. The following i said to be effectual: these vermin are easily destroyed, simply by cutting up green cucumbers at night, and placing them about where roaches commit depredations. What is cut from the cucumbers in preparing them for the table answers the purpose as well, and three applications will destroy all the roaches in the house. Remove the peelings in the morning and renew them at night.    3. Common red wafers, to be found at any stationers, will answer the purpose. The cockroaches eat them and die. Also, sprinkle powdered borax plentifully around where "they most do congregate," and renew it occasionally; in a short time not a roach will be seen. This is a safe and most effectual exterminator.    4. Borax is a very good cockroach exterminator. Take some pieces of board, spread them over with molasses, only sufficient to make the borax when sprinkled upon it stick, and place the boards in their haunts. Gum camphor is a speedy remedy to clear the house of cockroaches.

I regularly look up at the sun. Directly. I've done so all my life. When I was in elementary school I was not as cautious and would actually stare. I've even directly observed an annular eclipse of the sun. Now, I just look for a few seconds at a time.

I do it simply to keep in touch with Sol, who brings us warmth and light and life. I talk to Sol, I have a relationship with Sol.

I'm not recommending that anyone go out and do this. There is definitely risk involved – Sol is enthralling and invites stares of awe. People do go blind sungazing, it may just be luck that I have not.

My eyesight has degraded over the years, though not too significantly – from 20/15 when I was a teenager to 20/20 now, and at least some of that is attributable to an increase in static (even with frame comparison compensation).

purpleglitter is asleep behind me. purpleglitter and my anniversary went very well. We had a candlelit dinner of Indian food. purpleglitter got me an electric blanket, so I'd be warm even when she couldn't put her arms around me. We spent a relaxing evening eating pistachios and talking over 9 years of memories. I love Lake, and I always will.

todays a new day
we don't have much oil
it is cold in here
i have my coat on so i am warm
i feel tired from last night
everything is moving
and staying still
i ate two large bean burritos merryperseis made for me
they were yummy
but my stomach says "why me?"

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it's a new day
what games will we play today?
what loops will my mind go through?
it's a new day
today
how many more will there be?
with a statement like that
maybe i should consider going back into the hospital
i want to wait until i see my therapist Tuesday
i want to stay out at least for a few days
i need to get my celexa refilled

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i added some people to my friends list
don't know if they'll add me back
i like adding people
but lately people have been taking me off their list
because i'm getting too fucked up
but that's okay
i understand
there is only so much fucked up some people can take

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is this poetry
it is if i say it is
but i don't
so it probably isn't
but maybe it still is
who knows?

It is too hot. I want to clean, but it is too hot. I can stand a comfortable mess when it is cool, but messes annoy me greatly when I'm hot. The mess is my fault as much as anyone else here. I'm doing little bits of cleaning here in there, but it is too hot to really get much done.

Yesterday morning went fine, but we had had our first therapy appointment with our new therapist in the afternoon. Very switchy for that. After the therapy session, I had to fill out a questionnaire that was quite triggery. Didn't like it at all. Too many questions about things I'd rather not be answering questions about.

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After we got home, quite jittery and switchy still, I talked to my dad on the phone. I had thought my previous piano experience was limited muddling through 2 years of piano lessons, never really becoming very skilled. However, he told me that I used to play quite a bit. And that I, we, or whoever, used to have "emotional fits" on the piano that came out as music. Good, intense music. I don't remember that at all. It's very disconcerting to not remember something so obviously important. It was back then though, and everything was much less stable then. Now, I don't know what to think of my music. I don't know how to view it or where it's going or where it's from. Everyday there seems to be more revelations. There is so much that I don't know. So much. So much.

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Spent the night at purpleglitter's apartment last night. I was really grumpy when I got there, because I got lost and my feet hurt a lot. But, I ended up having a very good, mellow time. Just what I needed after the whirlwind. I will be definitely going back in the not-to-distant future.

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Thanks to the efforts of pillowkisser, the heat is working now in the house_of_clocks. However, a new problem has developed: a leak in the upstairs bathroom.

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Tonight, I'm going to get quietly drunk.

the oil people still haven't come. it's been over a week with no heat. i've been heating the house with the stove. we can't order from someone else, because oil prices have skyrocketed in the past week. pretty much screwed. i don't know how we're going to keep paying rent even. nobody wants to take the downstairs room. i don't think anyone ever will. it's just too scary. i can't deal with all this. i don't think i'll ever record. i'll ever do anything. at the rate i'm going, i'm just going to keep falling into the abyss. everything is pointing to the one exit door. i want to take it. i want out.

can't exit today, got things to do. the house is a mess and people are coming over. none of us seem to be in cleaning mode. the central group is very unstable. i can tell we're extremely unstable, because the floaters can take more time when the central group is in turmoil. we tend to feed off each others doing bad, but the floaters aren't as effected. when we do good, the floaters can't break through to front that much. it's not that the floaters are bad, it's just scary not knowing what the body's up to. some people suggested that we consider going into the hospital. but with the holidays, its going to be crowed there now. they'll probably ship us off to holy family. i'm never going back there. ever. no no no.

There are squirrels living in the walls of the house_of_clocks. They have taken up residence in the walls of the playroom and in the floor under the back of my right closet. They can be heard running about and scratching. I imagine they like living in the walls because it's much warmer than the outside.

It's snowing! And, we have no heat! Still, I love the snow. Snow is beautiful and happy! Snow snow snow snow snow snow snow!

The furnace is working again! We have heat!