i find myself reconsidering my acid plan
i need to answer some very serious questions about it first
this is not something to rush into
sure, i've been wanting to try this for years
but do i really have a plan?
why do i need to do this right now?
i know why it seemed that i need to do it now
but i may have found a solution
this panic came about because i was afraid of what might come out in hypnosis
stuff i know about and stuff i don't
i wanted to deal with it with acid first
because i wanted to be more in control
at least not in front of my therapist
especially considering what my other therapist said about me in her notes
i didn't want someone i don't feel like i can trust being around for that
i don't know what would happen
i need to know first, on my own terms
i will do acid before i explore hypnosis further than for relaxation purposes
but i have to realize i can set limits
i can tell my therapist firmly that all i want her to use hypnosis for with me is relaxation and grounding
that's it
i don't want anymore
and i won't take anymore
i will work to get myself to a space that i don't need geodon
and when i'm at that space i will take acid and explore
but to do it before then is reckless and causes stress for those who care about me
it's not fair to them
it's not fair to me
it's just a grand self-destructive act
all the problems i experience without geodon will be magnified
i'm not going to discover anything
i'd to curl up into a ball and scream
it's just stupid for me to do right now
i'm going to take my geodon now and chill out

I was hypnotized in therapy today. I was wicked twitchy and panicky when I went in. I said I wanted to reset my brain. She asked how I planned on doing that. I told her I didn't know, when actually I do. But she then hypnotized me. I thought it was just going to be a relaxation exercise, but it went deeper. We went to a safe space which happened to be purpleglitter's bedroom. There I saw purpleglitter's bed, but it was draped in purple satin. Then I saw all the stuffed animals. Goldie the Lolly was there as well, which was a bit out of place. Then I went into a circular library with long wooden ladders on wheels to reach the higher shelves. I pulled out a notebook on therapy and started to read it, but i lost the connection and was back in my therapists office. It was really cool. I felt completely relaxed. My therapist says were going to begin each session from now on with a little bit of hypnosis.