i think i was wrong about my toe being broken
i think it is just badly sprained
not that the swelling has gone down
it is easier to tell
that is good
though it still hurts to walk
and running is out of the question
but it will heal much faster
not that i am planning to do much running in the near future

i feel a bit embarrassed about the confusion
but it's really not a big deal
i always feel as if i've failed when i'm wrong about something
i need to let myself be human
even if being human makes my skin crawl a bit
a bit of internalized anthropophobia

tonight was the last night of the bird meds
i am glad
tomorrow we will find if dubbins is better
i am worried

tomorrow is also paddington's grooming appointment
i moved it to tomorrow so lake could drive
because i had a not-broken toe
a strain would have stopped me to
so either way
tomorrow
which might be today by some people's estimation
but i don't change the day until neitherday has passed
the penny plan goes through neitherday
the day changes at 4am

i am tired
i must be up early
i should go to bed now
but i probably won't

Heading home from Trader Joe's, purpleglitter spotted a snapping turtle in the opposite lane, cars zooming around it. She attempted to pull over immediately, however an ambulance behind us boomed its horn when she attempted to slow down and there really wasn't a curb at that point to pull onto. The ambulance had neither its sirens nor its flashing lights on and appeared content to travel along with the normal flow of traffic.

About 150 feet away, there was a good bit of curb and purpleglitter pulled onto it. I ran over to see if the turtle was still okay. I was glad to see that someone had stopped in front of it, blocking traffic in that direction. She had attempted to move the turtle, but it had lunged at her and she backed off. The turtle was quite large and quite angry, it definitely didn't want to be messed with. I stood behind it while the other person stood in front to keep it distracted. I grabbed the turtle by its sides and picked it up. That really pissed it off. It flailed its short legs and lunged its head at me, attempted to reach my hands with its formidable beak.

There was a small lake across the road, which I assume is where it came from as it had clearly recently been in water. I crossed over the guard rail and walked down the incline to the lake. I didn't want to simply set the turtle down, because I was worried it would use the opportunity to exact revenge on me. So, I squatted down by the edge of the lake and gently threw the turtle in. Even though the drop was a short one, I waited to see it swim off before I climbed back to the road.

I had left my purse with person who had blocked traffic, and upon retrieving it I headed back toward purpleglitter's car. purpleglitter was walking towards me already and we met halfway, smiled, and went home.

The weekend before last, I lost the cane that Christian had given me. I left it in the shopping cart at the Super 88 and it was gone.

This past weekend, my serpent staff broke. The cane I can brush off as being spacy when I got in purpleglitter's car, but when something happens to the serpent staff it is generally means I've strayed off course. It broke in an entirely new place than it did before - after I repair it, it will have three different sections. I lost my spiritual path of late, life has overwhelmed me.

Life has overwhelmed me because I've let it overwhelm me. I've become frustrated and impatient with things that don't matter, and have been neglecting things that do. I need to be more mindful of my thoughts, actions, and intents. I need to right my path and fix my staff.

Yesterday evening was a bit of an adventure. purpleglitter bought a huge club chair at the Salvation Army in Saugus on Saturday. There was no way this thing was going to fit in her car. Neither of us could find anyone with an appropriate vehicle to pick it up. Running out of options to get the thing back to Arlington, yesterday she gave in and rented a U-Haul.

However, purpleglitter was very nervous driving it, and I have my vertigo spells - so it seemed a good idea if neither of us drove the thing. We called around to various people who might be able to drive it, but none of them wanted to. Eventually I drove it to Saugus and purpleglitter drove it back. dalious was about to help move the chair into the house, and move it he did. He took it most of the way himself, only requiring assistance to maneuver it through the doorways.

To top off day, purpleglitter was named best employee at her company yesterday. She rocks. Sitting in her new throne with her certificate in hand, she knows she rocks.

I was supposed to see dicotomygrrl tonight. Just before she was due to arrive, I received a panicked phonecall from purpleglitter. Dandelion's food was hurt and there was lots of blood. I ran over to purpleglitter's house with my shoes in my hand, not even taking time to put them on until we had already loaded Dandelion in the car and were heading off to Angell Memorial Hospital.

Prior to calling me, purpleglitter had put styptic powder on Dandelion, so the bleeding had stopped. He appeared to be doing well and half way there we questioned if he needed to go, but we decided it was best that he see a vet anyway just in case.

Even in the strange situation, rushed out in the night, Dandelion still did step ups for the attending vet. When the vet asked if he was flighted he took off from his finger as if to say "Of course I can fly".

He got right onto my finger and I scooped him up and handed him to the vet. He is a brave bird. The vet took him in back to the "exotics" ward. Dandelion was a bit shaken when he returned, but I gave him good scritches while the vet looked for Dandelion's records and he calmed down.

He apparently got his toenail caught in something and it broke off. It looks like he'll be alright.

purpleglitter dropped me off by Lower Mystic Lake on her way to work and I had a good half-hour walk home. Next time she want to drop me off by the marina on Upper Mystic Lake; which I think sounds great, however I want to have a battery for my camera first. The Mystic Lakes are an area of Arlington I haven't really explored yet, and I think it's about time I do.

Skye is a joy to take to get her regular hormone shots. She is extremely excited to get into the travel cage. She loves seeing the outside and riding in the car. She loves to hear all the other birdies and sounds that are outside. After her visit this last weekend, I took her for a short walk through the trees on the shore of Spy Pond. She got to look out over the water through the leaves and bobbed her head as starlings flew by.

When Skye lived with her previous owners, she escaped for 3 days in the Maine winter. She survived, but what adventures she had I'll never know. I think the experience gave her a taste, maybe even a lust, for the outside. These trips light up her eyes, and I think they should be continued even if at some point she no longer needs her shots.

purpleglitter's landlord destroyed Aleister, the hollow tree we buried Isobel in. The scattered pieces of Aleister were strewn about the ground in front of the back fence.

purpleglitter pulled her car up to it so that we could use the headlights to see while we sifted through the rubble for the box we buried Isobel in. I found it scattered amongst the remains of Aleister. The box had opened, the millet and the wish pod still inside. I found Isobel in her shroud nearby.

I dug the detritus out of the box and place Isobel back in. Afterward, we drove around trying to decide what to do.

Isobel is on the back porch now, we will rebury her tomorrow.

I forgot to mention last night that Project Three Meals also includes 30 minutes of exercise. It's just a simply healthy plan with a simple yet somewhat fun name.

So, how did today go?

For breakfast, I had rotini and sauce. For lunch I had rotini with tomatoe sauce. For dinner, I had... well I didn't eat dinner. For my healthy snack I had a cliff bar. In addition to that I had one of merryperseis's mom's chocolate chip cookies. Shouldn't have had the cookie, but should have had dinner.

I did get in 30 minutes of exercise. In fact I got well over three hours in my walk to Lexington Center from purpleglitter's house. I didn't really have any particular reason for the walk. I didn't even do it for the exercise. I just needed to keep moving. I kept singing that to myself along the way, "Gotta keep move'n".

purpleglitter picked me up in Lexington Center and drove me back home.

I'd stay up and make the dinner I didn't eat today, but I'm not doing to well tonight. I'm quite twitchy and dizzy and I've already ended up on the kitchen floor twice this evening, and I don't trust myself handling a hot pot or pan. So I'm off to bed and I'll try to do better tomorrow.

I missed my pdoc appointment. I had prodded a very tired purpleglitter out of bed to drive me. I thought it was at 11:15am, but it was actually at 10:15am. I am just really bad at making appointments. To punish myself for bothering purpleglitter and still missing my appointment, I bought some chips and some hot salsa. I bought hot salsa because I know hot salsa is sucky to purge. When mixed with stomach acids, It burns the back of the mouth painfully. I wanted it to be an unpleasant purging experience, because I did it to punish myself. So I ate the chips and salsa and purged them. I really needed to do something self-destructive. I hate myself.

purpleglitter drove me to my pdoc appointment, which I thought was at 10:30am, but turned out to be at 10:00am. Luckily, I arrived at 10:20am, and was able to at least get in a short session. She increased my Geodon by 20mg, so now I take 60mg in the evening and 40mg in the morning.

-----

After my appointment, purpleglitter drove me around Mount Auburn Cemetery. It was very rainy, so purpleglitter didn't want to get out of the car. After driving around a bit, the rain let up, and we walked up to the tower. The view of the Boston skyline over the multicolored trees and silent gravestones was breathtaking. The wind ripped past me as I stood on the precipice above the garden of the dead.

-----

After Mount Auburn Cemetery, purpleglitter took me to Punjab Food & Spices a.k.a. the Chai Café. She bought me a yummy Indian lunch, after which we enjoyed cigarettes together on the benches nearby.

-----

Last, but not least, purpleglitter's power is back on. Yay!

Fuck med experimentation. I need my geodon. And I need my celexa, too. I can't even navigate the T properly if I'm not fully medicated. zarthon had to get me a taxi home yesterday. I'm doing much better today being on all my meds. I need to get back on my medications and stay back on my medications. Period.

-----

lyght gave purpleglitter and me a ride to purpleglitter's apartment to pick up madeleinecat, because purpleglitter's car is broke and stuck out in front.

Last night, purpleglitter and riga_mortia came over for dinner. The power went out shortly before I was to start cooking. dan4th joined the three of us in the candlelit kitchen as I cooked, and ate with us as well. I don't see nearly enough of him. We had mini quiches for an appetizer, and for the main course I made an artichoke pasta salad laced with merlot.

After dinner, purpleglitter, riga_mortia, and I went to riga_mortia's house for drinks and movies. Unfortunately, riga_mortia's roommates were already watching a movie, so instead we went upstairs to riga_mortia's room.

We tried a mixed drink called "hot sex". It was quite good. I am definitely a big fan of hot sex.

We also drank buttershots. Those are yummy. Over the course of several drinking games, the three of us all proceeded to get drunk. As neither purpleglitter and I could drive, we ended up sleeping over. In the morning, purpleglitter gave me a ride home. It's wonderful that we're all getting along now. I'm quite amazed at all of it still.

I'm up! Got up about two hours ago. How the time flies! I have a feeling I should right my schedule to something more "normal", but I don't know why.

The jocks on the floor below us are having a party. There party isn't loud, and even if it was, I wouldn't complain. I'm slightly afraid to go outside, however, lest one of their jock friends decides to do something rather nasty to me.

I can hear them peeing again in the alleyway/driveway that runs between this house and the next. We have to walk through that to get to Lake's car.

What is it, anyway, with jocks and peeing? They seem to take great joy, especially when drunk, at peeing where ever they please. It's as if they're marking their territory or something.

Jocks (and other varieties of overly-macho guys) are easily manipulated. About 5 years ago, I knew this skinhead named Joel. Lake and I got him to squirt Banaca up his nose. We didn't ask him, all we said was we were too afraid to. In response to our little experiment he grabbed the Banaca, squirt-squirt, then cried out in pain.

Another jock is now peeing.

We were going to go to Dollar-A-Pound and Market Basket with Lake, but she pooped out. She says she is too tired to drive. I tried making coffee to no avail. Maybe we'll go to Dollar-A-Pound next week, but we need to go to Market Basket before then.

Had a bit of an episode last night before I went to bed. I felt very odd. Crying a lot. Felt like a was being twisted like a bent faerie wing. Switchy hyper and depressed states rapidly. Lake made me take a Seroquel. She thinks we should take Seroquel anytime we're having problems.

The last time I saw my psychiatrist, she said that cutting, while not a good thing, wasn't anything to worry about. Just keep it so others won't see. Lake totally disagrees with this, and when I hinted that cu