I planted the oriental poppies today. I'm afraid I may have damaged one badly, I hope it recovers. The other 5 went in well and I have high hopes for them. I got to use the compost finally. I put it down around the poppies and through some of it around the back yard in places that I'm not going to plant but still hope will become lush with life. I hope everything grows well.

It's spring and my life is waking up. Just a few years ago, my life was extremely turbulent and my mind was an unpleasant place to be in. Everything was always in flux, but far from always in a good way.

This past year has been calmer, quieter, so stable it has bordered on a bit boring. But, it's been something I needed.

Now, things are beginning to pick up again. However, this time it's different. I can feel the motion of before, but things are clearer. This past year gives me a platform from which to launch from. It has been a place of stable mind and thought that has let me ground and center. The loops are still there in the background, but I know how to work them now. I am not afraid. My eyes are opening. I am awake.

The Cassini spacecraft detected warmth, water and organic chemicals, the basic ingredients for life on Saturn’s small moon, Enceladus, reinforcing scientists’ believe that our solar system has favorable conditions appropriate for living organisms to develop. full story

Shocking!

Amazing!

This solar system may actually have life in it!

I hear there is this place called Earth that they should check out.

i hate how angry i can get
i've been wearing the demon eyes too much lately
and i've lost that place of center again
i need to work back to it or i am going to drive myself... i don't know
i was going to say "crazy"
but i've always been crazy
and one cannot drive oneself to where one already is
but i need to find that spot again
i know that it is possible
i know that i can
i just need to
i get here every now and again
and i suppose i always will
the path of life is windy
and getting lost every now and then is a bit inevitable
the point is to not give up when your lost
the point is to keep moving
always keep moving
find the path again

Yeti, my parent's dog, died today. She was 15 years old. I remember her as a playful and scrappy young dog, but she hasn't been that way in a long time. She had a good doggie life and was well loved.

Good journey, Yeti.

The USSR launched Sputnik 50 years ago today, starting the space age.

Poll #1065940
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

In the next 50 years, humans will...

Last week, purpleglitter and I found that the landlord at her old place had murdered a nest of starlings, ripping apart the nest and throwing the babies down to the ground like they were worthless. Just getting their down in, eyes never opened. They never saw the sun. We buried them in the back.

Today, the tree cutters came to the back yard here. Supposedly just to cut the branches overhanging the neighbor's, they instead cut main branches which may have had one or two subbranches overhanging the neighbor's yard, but most of which were not over the fence at all. Renting, I have no real control over any of this.

I don't understand the reason people need heavily nitrogenated death-yards. "Kill everything but grass. A dandelion! Kill it! Kill it! No flowers here! Nature is just weeds. Throw on more chemicals on... pesticides, herbicides, fertilizer... everything! It surely won't run off anywhere. Must have that perfect patch of stale green nothing, because lord knows if anything wild and free grows it'll be anarchy! Nature is ugly and must be controlled, but oh yeah, save the rain forests — nature is only ugly if it's where I can see it."

Sol, lifebringer and lightgiver, our star, the one which holds us tight and keeps at bay the outer darkness. Sol, thank you. Your winds dance in our sky and your breath allows our existence. There is nothing more powerful, nothing greater, nothing more brilliant or amazing in this system than Sol. While there may be bigger things out there, that effect our existence here and now than does Sol. While today we may look to Sol, truly everyday is Sol's day, for without Sol there are no days.

The right closet of my bedroom is filled with the squeaking of baby birds. There's a nest under the floorboards, which is where the roof meets the side of the house. The parents must be entering in a hole right above or below the gutter. By the frequency that I see house sparrow out front, most likely that's what's in there. Little birdies growing up right under my feet. It makes me happy, it's spring.

The weekend before last, I lost the cane that Christian had given me. I left it in the shopping cart at the Super 88 and it was gone.

This past weekend, my serpent staff broke. The cane I can brush off as being spacy when I got in purpleglitter's car, but when something happens to the serpent staff it is generally means I've strayed off course. It broke in an entirely new place than it did before - after I repair it, it will have three different sections. I lost my spiritual path of late, life has overwhelmed me.

Life has overwhelmed me because I've let it overwhelm me. I've become frustrated and impatient with things that don't matter, and have been neglecting things that do. I need to be more mindful of my thoughts, actions, and intents. I need to right my path and fix my staff.

Gliese 581c brings up the tidal lock issue: if Gliese 581c is tidally locked to Gliese 581 then one side of the planet would be scorched while the other would be frozen, rendering the planet uninhabitable for water-dependant life. Most of the planets detected so far (including Gliese 581c) have been only detected through indirect measurements of their mass, we no nothing of the structure of that mass. It is possible at least some of these are double planets. Though perhaps unlikely — if Gliese 581c is a double planet, both planets might be tidally lock to each other instead of the star similar to the situation in Asimov's Nemesis, allowing for liquid water and possibly water-dependant life.

The possibility of life on Gliese 581c brings up something that has been a bit of a minor mental obsession of mine: life that has evolved vision is likely to evolve vision keyed to the spectra of light it most often encounters. Life evolving around a red dwarf would not likely see the same spectra of light we see. Blue would be of little use and their visual range would probably be shifted into the infrared. Something printed red-on-white or blue-on-black in our eyes might simply look like a blank page to such a life form and their chosen inks may be only visible in the near-infrared and be invisible to us. Perceptual differences such as that would serve to further complicate communications with intelligent extraterrestrial life. It is easy to assume our perception of light and sound and smell and feel is the default, because within humanity we consider anything outside of that default a disorder. Our bias is sample bias, and other intelligent life in the universe is likely to perceive things in vastly different ways than we can even imagine.

The abortion debate is something I've wrestled with for some time. I've finally developed a philosophy surrounding it that I feel comfortable with.

First, a fetus, embryo, or zygote is as a life. Period. It is not just a random clump of cells, it is a growing and developing life. Its dependence on another life does not make it any less of a life itself — all animal life is dependant on other life.

More that that — a human fetus, human embryo, or human zygote is a human life.

At this point, many of you might be assuming I'm pro-life. This is not the case, I am still pro-choice. Why? Because we still have the right to make choices about our bodies. The analogy I draw is this: Person X needs a kidney transplant or they will die. The only matching potential donor is Person Y. Person Y has the right to choose not to donate a kidney to Person X. There are plenty of reasons Person Y might choose not to donate their kidney, such as fear of medical complications, religious beliefs, or even worry about the impact having surgery could potentially have on their future productivity. While Person Y may or may not come to regret their decision themself, what Person Y chooses to do with their body is their choice and it is not for other's to judge their reasoning or morality in that regard.

Essentially, a pregnant woman should not be required to sacrifice the control of her body in favor of another (in this case the unborn child). To do so is to deprive the woman of her rights to control her body.

When I talk or write about my life, I attempt to choose my words very carefully. I attempt to choose my words carefully when I talk or write about anything, but even more so when I talk about my life. Often I am so careful, it ends up double-talk.

I'm concerned with accidentally misleading people, and my life is sufficiently complicated that I feel it would be very easy to do so. If I paint too rosy a picture or make it seem I'm doing better than I am and have progressed further than I have, I worry I'll receive undue praise or admiration or even jealousy. On the other hand – if I paint to bleak a picture, I may elicit worry, charity, or pity that is not warranted.

Of course, I am not perfect and neither is language a perfect tool. I do not always strike the balance correctly. I don’t believe anyone could. However, I endeavour to do the best I can. It is an obsession of mine, although I’m unsure whether or not it is a healthy one.

I regularly look up at the sun. Directly. I've done so all my life. When I was in elementary school I was not as cautious and would actually stare. I've even directly observed an annular eclipse of the sun. Now, I just look for a few seconds at a time.

I do it simply to keep in touch with Sol, who brings us warmth and light and life. I talk to Sol, I have a relationship with Sol.

I'm not recommending that anyone go out and do this. There is definitely risk involved – Sol is enthralling and invites stares of awe. People do go blind sungazing, it may just be luck that I have not.

My eyesight has degraded over the years, though not too significantly – from 20/15 when I was a teenager to 20/20 now, and at least some of that is attributable to an increase in static (even with frame comparison compensation).

If humanity is worth saving, it needs to get off this planet. Being limited one world makes humanity vulnerable to global-scale disasters, wars, and diseases. Humans could be wiped out by simple bad luck or by their own doing. The only way to ensure long-term survival is to inhabit more than one world.

However, that still leaves the question "Is humanity is worth saving?".

Poll #922561
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Is humanity worth saving?

The more I think about it, the more I know Rob killed himself. Over the past couple years, I've found myself repeatedly looking at his last entry, trying to make sense of it. Or perhaps, trying to avoid making sense of it. He rode his bike off that cliff intentionally. He felt dead when he was alive. He wanted to be alive, and thought death was the only way to accomplish that. I hope he found what he was looking for.

I miss him.