The USSR launched Sputnik 50 years ago today, starting the space age.

Poll #1065940
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

In the next 50 years, humans will...

I regularly look up at the sun. Directly. I've done so all my life. When I was in elementary school I was not as cautious and would actually stare. I've even directly observed an annular eclipse of the sun. Now, I just look for a few seconds at a time.

I do it simply to keep in touch with Sol, who brings us warmth and light and life. I talk to Sol, I have a relationship with Sol.

I'm not recommending that anyone go out and do this. There is definitely risk involved – Sol is enthralling and invites stares of awe. People do go blind sungazing, it may just be luck that I have not.

My eyesight has degraded over the years, though not too significantly – from 20/15 when I was a teenager to 20/20 now, and at least some of that is attributable to an increase in static (even with frame comparison compensation).

ganked from many:

On the twelfth day of Christmas, neitherday sent to me...

Twelve squirrels suffering

Eleven strings writing

Ten crows a-kissing

Nine cats birdwatching

Eight trees a-scrying

Seven cigars a-walking

Six politics a-nothing

Five ci-i-i-ivil liberties

Four zebra finches

Three haunted houses

Two psych wards

...and a luna in an astronomy.

Get your own Twelve Days:

I'm trying to keep from looping, but sometimes it happens anyway. If I catch the loop early, I can break free of it by will power or meditational prayers. But, once it gets going very strongly, my mind becomes blocked to the All and I can see only the loop. Different strategies are then needed.

I used to use methods such as cutting and purging to pull me out. But they only worked somewhat, and ended up becoming loops in and of themselves.

Methods I use now are taking a walk, taking a long shower, smoking a cigar, smoking some weak salvia, or talking with Sol or Luna.

If the looping is beyond that, I will attempt to go to sleep. Sleep seems to be the most powerful non-destructive method of reseting loops available on a daily basis. I can wake up and am able to do my meditational prayer again and find the balance.

If I can't get to sleep, I take one of the dwindling number of Klonopins I have left over from when I had a prescription. I know that it's technically a psych med, but my dislike for psych meds is rooted in living on them. Taking one occasionally, especially with the intent of using it to sleep, is not the kind of use I am weary of.

Sometimes even sleep isn't enough. The looping load has a habit of building over time and occasionally A much larger reset button is needed. But I am not currently at that point.

I'm doing much better at keeping myself in the good place, even if I still loop sometimes. The fact that I am not freaking out all the time with my current level of stress is in and of itself a vast improvement. While I still have minor freakouts, they pass quickly. And even when I'm looping and out of touch, I am more able to move and function. I'm finding new ways to adapt. New ways to continue. New ways to be.

It's a difficult journey, but it is a journey that I have no choice but to take. An easy path was never promised to anyone. Although my path has seen many hardships, it has also seen many joys, and for that I am truly blessed.

Fellow Bostonians: I just went for a short walk outside and I saw something I wasn't expecting. I saw stars and the moon!

i miss playing with the strobe light
i'm just not alone in the evenings anymore
and those i'm with don't like the strobe
maybe sometime soon i'll set aside an evening to run the strobe, smoke up, and write
set it to alpha
that's what i need to do
i get a nice acid effect that way
and not knowing where to get acid, it's the closest i seem to be able to come
i know
i know
i shouldn't be doing acid, or other hallucinogens
not with my mental health history
i should stay very far away from such things
but i feel a unsurpessable desire to try them
curiosity
curiosity is a dangerous thing
there are things i'm better off not knowing
but i'm still curious
i can't help it
it's in my nature

some asshole is flagging the free pet ads on craigslist
saying that it is unethical to not charge an adoption fee because satan worshipers may adopt the pet
they also stated that if someone who can't afford an adoption fee can't afford vet bills
what they are really arguing is poor people shouldn't have pets
i guess she feels it better for an animal to have no home (and probably end up euthanized) than to go to a poor one
grrrr.... snobbish little nere-do-wells
still living in the mindset that poor=immoral
this is 2004 for luna's sake
why are the conservatives in power
is this the last stand of the right
or are they going to grip the children
that is there hope
that's why school vouchers are so important to them
get the kids going to a school they can really brainwash them in
they know christian brainwashing academies are more likely to turn out dutiful mindless drones than public schools

my stream of consciousness posts can tangent very easily
they are also often self-referential
i guess that's it for now
good bye

World Series Champions!!

And a lunar eclipse! Something in the air!

Red moon tonight. The eclipse is beautiful.

purpleglitter and I went out to see how my penny experiment was going, and found that the penny was no longer on mass ave. Someone must have actually taken it. I can now see I made a couple mistakes in placing the test penny. First I used a shiny penny. Second, I placed it heads up. This time I placed 2 dull pennies on the rubbery road stuff, both tails up. Hopefully no one will pick them up this time.

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After placing the pennies, purpleglitter and I walked down to Spy Pond, where we took in the view of the moon and stars above the quiet crystalline waters. We deftly snuck past a skunk to get back to Mass Ave, where we spent a good half hour just talking and watching the rhythm of neitherday. That's one of the things I really love about my neitherday walks. The quite rhythm that everything takes on. Cars occasionally passing. Cops on the prowl. Watching us as we watch them. Cats and skunks making their way across Mass Ave. The trees. The quiet mumblings of the city. These make a rhythm. A rhythm I love.