all is as it should be, even when it isn't.

there are infinite possibilities
but at this time and in this place
this is the only way things could be
if things were different, we'd be somewhere else

the universe is here because it is
as the angles of a triangle in a euclidean space always add up to half a circle
it is object fact that never changes
this universe is a fact outside of its own physical reality
it is a truth and that is enough

I like pi, but didn't think the mood theme fit my journal. So now, crows.

I've had my Buttercup mood theme for almost 6 years now. I feel it's time for a change. My new pi mood theme is only temporary until I come up with something better. Since I'm no longer using my old mood theme, I'm putting it up for grabs.

Buttercup Mood Theme

excited

curious

hot

( intrustions for use )

The Universe is alive and the very particles that make up your body have free will. Our level of existence does not deny theirs, nor does their free will deny ours. In the same manner, our free will does not deny the Universe Its free will nor does the Universe's free will deny us ours. We are part of the God just as the particles that make up our bodies are part of us. Existence is not limited to our size or our view. Action, thought, even consciousness happens below and above.

Is God benevolent or malevolent? Does God love us? Is God wrathful?

These questions are fitting to ask of some man with a flowing grey beard that lives in the sky, but they are unanswerable as to God as All.

God is not only the sky above and the ground below and all that dwells in those places. God is not only everything we can touch, God is more.

God is all creation all destruction. God is life and and God is death. God is the bleeding wound and the passionate kiss. God is the roar as well as the silence.

God is all beliefs and doubts. God not just the concept of heaven and hell, but the concept that there is an above and below. God is the ideas we think as well as the air we breathe.

God is all emotions. God is all love and all hate. God is all benevolence and all malevolence. God is all wrath and all forgiveness.

God is our mathematics and our law. Our fears and our courage. Our arts, our poetries, our languages and the metaphors behind them. The truth as well as the lie.

God is energy and matter. God is the motion of the falling rock as well as the rock that falls.

God is the Happening that is the Becoming. God is what was, will be, and has been. God is even that which is not, has not been, and will never be; if what is not, has not been, and will never be is but thought.

God is the All of Everything, the Universe of Universes. This is why there can be nothing greater than God. No threat needed, no coercion. There can be none greater than All that Is, because anything else is simply part of the Everything.

I tend to use 0-10 in my polls, instead of the more popular 1-10 model. I do this because I like having a middle option, and while 5 might feel like the middle option in 1-10, the middle is actually between 5 and 6. There is no middle option in a 1-10 scale. The middle option actually is 5 on the 0-10 scale; thus perception is more in tune with reality, which in my opinion makes for more accurate poll results. (Of course the obviously skewed sample of my polls completely destroys that accuracy, but that's another story).

I had a great time this evening celebrating purpleglitter's birthday with zarthon, recoiling, and of course purpleglitter. I made blackberry sours which were loved by all and gave purpleglitter a framed picture of her I did in pastels. I hope she had a good birthday. Berv love Lake.

Yesterday, I went to therapy for the first time since July. During our talks, my therapist told me that I'm in the final stages of therapy. With that comes the question: "What now?".

It's a difficult question. Moving back into the productive workforce carries a good deal of it's own issues and getting in with a 6 year gap and outdated geek skill will present a challenge. I did really enjoy databases and if I do go back into tech I'd like to go back into designing them. There is something about databases that deeply appeals to me. I've done a small amount of data mining in the past, and that appeals to me even more than design. But, it would be easier to go back to design as that is where my experience really lies. It's been 6 years since I've done database design and I would need some refreshing is in order along with updating my skill set to fit the current environment.

However, I'm not entirely certain I want to go back into tech. It would be the easiest and likely the most lucrative choice available to me, but doing something artistic and/or crafty appeals to me greatly as well. Working on the tangible and creating things that will take on a journey and life of their own. I know that some of my databases are still in use and in that way they've taken on a life of their own, but it's not the same as something you can touch. I want to create and build. I just don't know if that is a viable prospect, as it requires capital to get started and insurance is a pain in the ass for the self-employed.

Going back to school would be a happy thing, perhaps studying math and physics like I started out on over a decade ago now, perhaps studying something else. But, that appears the least likely path right now. Financially I don't see how it could happen.

I am overwhelmed with possibilities. It's like I'm coming out a deep dark cave and can finally see great meadows and mountains and forests in front of me, all wondrous but I must choose if I will head towards the meadows or the mountains or the forests. Eyes opening for the first time, yet again.

For breakfast I had rotini primavera in tomatoe sauce with mushrooms and parmesan cheese; for lunch I had faux lamb, baby corn, and potatoes in caramelized soy sauce and hot red chili oil; for dinner I had a veggie burger with fries; and for my healthy snack I had a pickle. I got in well over 30 minutes of exercise in a morning quasipseudorandom walk around Arlington. Success on the first day, pretty good!

Tomorrow I be turning 100,000 years old.

And yet, I often feel as if I've never really existed.

brontosproximo's journal gave me the idea of making pi icons for pi day!

        

The world is changing, and I am an important part of that change. However, I am but one of over 6.4 billion people who are also all important parts of that change. Over 6,400,000,000 people. All different, none greater and none less than any other. Imagine a building two hundred stories high, each floor containing thirty rooms, each room containing a thousand boxes, each box containing a thousand lightbulbs. That building, though immense, would not contain as many lightbulbs as there are people on Earth. I have a part and purpose in the awakening that is the Happening, as every person does. I must be mindful of keeping in the part and purpose which was meant for me. No more. No less.

I must learn to focus my energy on what I need to and am meant to focus it on. I must learn to trust the winds with that which it is not my place to change. Trying to move that which I cannot move saps my energy and my focus far more than I would like or can afford. I become so involved and such things end up driving my thoughts. I loop about every misaction and about my failure to move that which I was never meant to move. The loops dissociate me from mindfulness of the presence of the All.

I have been given a different set of tools than most. A set suited to the purpose I am meant for. I am not neurotypical. It does not make me less than anyone else for when I stumble where they do not. Nor does it make me more than anyone else when I do not stumble where they do. It simply makes me me.

I have been doing many meditational prayers throughout the day. I need them to stay in mindfulness of my relation to the All. I am tempted in them for the wisdom and strength to move forward and keep in the Center Path. However, the Universe has provided me with all the wisdom and strength that I need to do that which I was meant to. It is hubris for me to think that I could instruct God on what I need. It is hubris for me to think that the Universe would change Itself based my egocentric requests. The All is so much greater than me that I am simply thankful for those gifts that have been given to me and in awe of what I have been allowed to glimpse a but small part of. I will do my best to keep mindful of the All and there is purpose that It has meant for me.

Doing the math on bird flu I come up with something a little scarier than what I've seen in the media and from the politically responsive WHO, which under pressure revised it's worst-case scenario down to 7 million dead from 150 million.

Virtually every person alive in 1918 and 1919 is believed to have been exposed to Spanish Influenza. Half of those people fell ill. Spanish Influenza had a mortality rate of 5%. The population of the world was approximately 2 billion. Approximately 50 million died.

There are approximately 6.4 billion people on earth now. If Bird Flu is as successful at spreading as Spanish Influenza was, all 6.4 billion people will be exposed. With modern travel habits, this is likely in a potential human pandemic. If the infection rate of Bird Flu is also similar to that of Spanish Influenza, and we have no reason to believe it won't be, that means approximately half those exposed, or 3.2 billion people, will become sick. With the current Bird Flu mortality rate of 50%, the result is 1.6 billion people dead.

1.6 billion people is a lot.