Yesterday, I went to therapy for the first time since July. During our talks, my therapist told me that I'm in the final stages of therapy. With that comes the question: "What now?".

It's a difficult question. Moving back into the productive workforce carries a good deal of it's own issues and getting in with a 6 year gap and outdated geek skill will present a challenge. I did really enjoy databases and if I do go back into tech I'd like to go back into designing them. There is something about databases that deeply appeals to me. I've done a small amount of data mining in the past, and that appeals to me even more than design. But, it would be easier to go back to design as that is where my experience really lies. It's been 6 years since I've done database design and I would need some refreshing is in order along with updating my skill set to fit the current environment.

However, I'm not entirely certain I want to go back into tech. It would be the easiest and likely the most lucrative choice available to me, but doing something artistic and/or crafty appeals to me greatly as well. Working on the tangible and creating things that will take on a journey and life of their own. I know that some of my databases are still in use and in that way they've taken on a life of their own, but it's not the same as something you can touch. I want to create and build. I just don't know if that is a viable prospect, as it requires capital to get started and insurance is a pain in the ass for the self-employed.

Going back to school would be a happy thing, perhaps studying math and physics like I started out on over a decade ago now, perhaps studying something else. But, that appears the least likely path right now. Financially I don't see how it could happen.

I am overwhelmed with possibilities. It's like I'm coming out a deep dark cave and can finally see great meadows and mountains and forests in front of me, all wondrous but I must choose if I will head towards the meadows or the mountains or the forests. Eyes opening for the first time, yet again.

Went to the Great Meadow with purpleglitter this morning. It was purpleglitter's first visit ever, as well as my first visit in over a year. The frost covered grass, a sea of white. Icy leaves sparkled as we past. We looked over the meadowlands as we sat and ate hummus and pita bread. The leaves are starting to change. Some fiery red underneath the veil of ice. I definitely want to go to the Great Meadow again before autumn is over.

pillowkisser and I dropped off some paperwork with Jude. It looks like we will probably get the place in East Arlington. It could still fall through, but we are scheduled to sign the lease tomorrow afternoon. Jude is asking for some sort of previously unmentioned finders fee. We're going to have to negotiate that tomorrow as well.

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After dropping off the paperwork, pillowkisser and I went to the Great Meadow. Many of the leaves have started to change. I love the wonderful autumn views of the meadowlands from the Upland Road. The acres of swampgrass and distant hillsides with puffy trees, now spotted with dabs of paint. Breathtaking. Breathtaking.

I need to spend a lot more time in the Great Meadow in the near future. It's not going to be as convenient if we move to East Arlington. I'm really going to miss having it close by. I will still make treks up here to see it, of course. Of course.

I met riga_mortia at the Diesel Café this morning, at around 11:00am. We had coffee, then I went to the Social Security office to hand drop off papers and hopefully meet with someone. After waiting in line for about 15 minutes and being told that I'd talk to the caseworker over the phone tomorrow, I met up with riga_mortia again at Goodwill.

At Goodwill I found a fabulous blue dress that looks right out of the 50's. It goes perfectly with my cat's eye glasses.

riga_mortia and I went back to my house, I changed, and we went to the Great Meadow. Decided to wear a pair of shoes that have been lying around the house for some time, but were falling apart. I very quickly screwed them back together before we left. Unfortunately on the way to the Great Meadow, the screws started poking up into my foot (the flat ends, not the pointy ends, but it still hurt my feet).

We had a very nice picnic of oranges, grapes, green olive tapenade on mini toasts, and green tea. The clearing we chose was very peaceful, sitting on the side of a hill with a nice view of the sun drenched meadow.

Getting up after the picnic, I learned a very important fashion lesson: white nylons are a poor choice if you plan on sitting on the ground..

On the way home, walking by Mal's Towing, one of the workers looked at me and said "How's it going?". Thinking nothing of it, I nodded and walked on. Annoyed he said that he was just trying to be polite because we were neighbors. I didn't recognize him as one of the downstairs tenants. I apologized and said I was just spacey. But, honestly, I still didn't recognize him.