Since I've been symptom free except for a very slight cough and stuffiness today that very likely has nothing to do with anything, the clinic told me I don't really need to be tested. I was told that even if I do have whooping cough, it is doubtful at this stage that I would have passed it on. They are giving me a 5-day prophylactic antibiotic treatment. While they didn't seem to think it is necessary, I'm going to try to avoid hanging out with anyone until I'm done with the 5-day treatment.

i think i was wrong about my toe being broken
i think it is just badly sprained
not that the swelling has gone down
it is easier to tell
that is good
though it still hurts to walk
and running is out of the question
but it will heal much faster
not that i am planning to do much running in the near future

i feel a bit embarrassed about the confusion
but it's really not a big deal
i always feel as if i've failed when i'm wrong about something
i need to let myself be human
even if being human makes my skin crawl a bit
a bit of internalized anthropophobia

tonight was the last night of the bird meds
i am glad
tomorrow we will find if dubbins is better
i am worried

tomorrow is also paddington's grooming appointment
i moved it to tomorrow so lake could drive
because i had a not-broken toe
a strain would have stopped me to
so either way
tomorrow
which might be today by some people's estimation
but i don't change the day until neitherday has passed
the penny plan goes through neitherday
the day changes at 4am

i am tired
i must be up early
i should go to bed now
but i probably won't

i broke my toe today
i do not like having a broken toe
it hurts
however, at least it's just a toe broken
even though i can't run with a broken toe
i can still walk if i am careful
i taped my toe to it's neighbor
with a popsicle stick in between
cut to size of course
i don't think i'll be able to get paddington to the groomer tomorrow

the birds are sick
well only dubbins is know to be sick
protozoans
but they have to take meds twice a day
just in case
they hate it
and it makes me sad to give it to them
because i worry they hate me for making them take it
i've been giving it to them for 9 days
only one more day
and we see if dubbins is cured

we found out sir dubbins is a girl
but she'll always be our sir dubbins

the penny plan goes well, but i have made it incredibly complicated
the whole things start simply thing
that's just the way it is

i haven't been on livejournal much lately
mostly because the penny plan
because i have to pay to use livejournal
although i often miss the level of interaction i had with people here
it is probably a good thing that i am getting things done

i am hungry
i should eat some food

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884), posted for xhappyx:

Headache — new remedy for. — A new remedy for headache has been found by Dr. Haley, an Australian physician, who says that for some years past he has found minimum doses of iodine of potassium of great service in frontal headache; that is, a heavy, dull headache, situated over the brow, and accompanied by languor, chilliness, and a feeling of general discomfort, with distaste for food, which sometimes approaches to nausea, can be completely removed by a two-grain dose dissolved in half a wineglassful of water, and this quietly sipped, the whole quantity being taken in about ten minutes. In many cases, he adds, the effect of these small doses has been simply wonderful, as, for instance, a person, who a quarter of an hour ago was feeling most miserable, and refused all food, wishing only for quietness, would now take a good meal and resume his wonted cheerfulness.    Headache and Cold Feet. — There are many who suffer from headaches and cold feet. If they would plunge their feet in cold water every morning, and use the flesh-brush every night, it would relieve them both.    Headache — several cures for. — 1. Coarse brown paper soaked in vinegar and placed on the forehead is good for a sick headache. If the eyelids are gently bathed in cold water the pain in the head is generally allayed.    2. In Potosi the most violent headaches, so very common there, are cured by putting the feet in hot water.    3. A mixture of ice and salt in proportion of one to one-half, applied to the head, frequently gives instant relief from acute headache. It should be tied up in a small linen cloth, like a pad, and held as near as possible to the seat of the pain.    4. We have known some extreme cases of headache cured in half an hour by taking a teaspoonful of finely powdered charcoal in half a tumbler of water. It is an innocent yet powerful alkali.    5. For sick-headache, take a tumbler two-thirds full of finely crushed ice, the juice of one lemon, and one teacupful of white sugar. The mixture, eaten by degrees, or all at once, will allay the feverish thirst, and quiet the disturbed, qualmish stomach, as it is not sweet enough to be nauseous.    6. Sick headache can often be greatly relieved, and sometimes entirely cured, by the application of a mustard plaster at the base of the neck. The plaster should not be kept on more than a quarter of an hour.    Headache (Billious) — cure for. — Dissolve and drink two teaspoonfuls of finely-powdered charcoal in half a tumbler of water; it will relieve in fifteen minutes. Take a seidlitz powder an hour afterward.    Headache (Nervous) — relief for. — Many persons find speedy relief for nervous headache by washing the hair thoroughly in weak soda water. I have known severe cases almost wholly cured in ten minutes by this simple remedy. A friend finds it the greatest relief in cases of "rare cold," the cold symptoms entirely leaving the eyes and nose after one thorough washing of the hair. The head should be thoroughly dried afterward, and avoid draughts of air for a little while.

What is widely seen as paranoia or laughable conspiracy theories can quickly transform into fact. Just take these recent news items:

Vaccines containing mercury can be linked to "autism-like symptoms" in children.

There are drugs in the water and this has kept secret from you for fear that you "might be unduly alarmed".

It's amazing. If a week ago I had said that were drugs in my tap water, I would have been labeled as schizophrenic. If I say the same thing today, I'm just someone who reads the news. However, I would have been just as right a week ago or even a year ago. It goes to show the truth in that old saying: "Just because your paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you".

Skye is home!!

She had prepidil (prostaglandin) applied topically but hadn't pasted the egg when I came in to visit her. On my way home from the visit, I got a call saying she had passed the egg! She passed it as they were preparing to put her under anesthesia for ovocentesis. She didn't have to have it done and now my Skye bird is home where she belongs!

Skye is at Angell Memorial. She was admitted last night and is egg bound. She has an abnormally large egg in her. She's getting an additional calcium shot tonight, but if she hasn't passed the egg by morning our options are ovocentesis or prostaglandin. Both are risky. purpleglitter and I have decided on ovocentesis because we believe skye is more likely to be able to fight the risks associated with ovocentesis. We are also considering having her oviduct removed. The procedure is risky on a budgie, but so is her reoccurring problem with egg binding. Further, while introducing its own risks, having her oviduct removed would eliminate one of the key risks of ovocentesis: remaining bits of shell creating a future blockage.

Please keep Skye in your thoughts and prayers.

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884):

Things to try. — Try popcorn for nausea.    Try cranberries for malaria.    Try a sun-bath for rheumatism.    Try ginger ale for stomach cramps.    Try clam broth for a weak stomach.    Try cranberry poultice for erysipelas.    Try a wet towel to the back of the neck when sleepless.    Try swallowing saliva when troubled with sour stomach.    Try eating fresh radishes and yellow turnips for gravel.    Try eating onions and horseradish to relieve dropsical swellings.    Try buttermilk for removal of freckles, tan, and butternut stains.    Try taking your cod liver oil in tomato catsup, if you want to make it palatable.    Try hard cider -- a wine-glass three times a day -- for ague and rheumatism.    Try taking a nap in the afternoon if you are going to be out late in the evening.    Try breathing the fumes of turpentine or carbolic acid to remove whooping cough.    Try a cloth wrung out from cold water put about the neck at night for sore throat.    Try snuffing powdered borax up the nostrils for catarrhal "cold in the head."    Try walking with your hands behind you if you find yourself becoming bent forward.    Try a silk handkerchief over the face when obliged to go against a cold piercing wind.    Try planting sunflowers in your garden if compelled to live in a malarial district.

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884):

Worms — treatment of. — Some members of the profession still cling with bull-dog tenacity to the opinion that worms do not affect the health of children, and that they are natural to them. The latter may or may not be true, but when they accumulate in the intestines, they produce the same disturbance that any foreign, indigestible substance would do. We find the picking of the nose, swollen lower eye-lids, restlessness in sleep, groaning, gritting teeth, starting, and lastly, spasms.    Worms kill more children than teething*; and when you find the above symptoms with a strawberry tongue and a fever, which will attack several times daily, going off as frequently in cold sweats, you can swear that you have a case of worms, and had as well prepare and attack them.    Now as to the best means of getting rid of them. I use the fluid extract of senna and spigelia in teaspoon doses for patients of eight or ten years of age, and less in proportion, night and morning, for three nights and days, following this up each morning with a good dose of castor oil, provided the senna and spigelia does not act. Then wait three days, and again institute the same proceedings, and for the same length of time.    This treatment is for the lumbricoid. For the oxyuris, or "thread worm," I see any bitter infusion by enema, sulph, quinine, followed by an enema of common salt and milk-warm water half an hour afterward, which will destroy and expel them.    The symptoms of the presence of the worm are the same as the scratching of the anus. If every practitioner will use these he will be gratified by the restoration to immediate health of many a little sufferer, who would otherwise linger in sickness for many months and perhaps eventually die.    Worms in Horses — to cure. — A remedy for worms in a horse which has never failed of a cure is to take half a cup of pure, hard wood ashes, finely sifted and mixed dry with the mash or food. If one dose should not prove sufficient, repeat it after a day or two.    Worm Lozenges. — Powdered lump sugar, ten ounces; starch, five ounces; mix with mucilage; and to every ounce add twelve grains of calomel; divide into twenty grain lozenges. Dose, two to six.    Worm Medicines. — 1. Two tablespoonfuls of pumpkin seeds peeled and pulverized, or given to a child who will chew fine. The seed does not kill, but stupefies the worm. The next day give castor oil or any other cathartic, and if the worms are present in the system they will pass off.    2. Make an infusion in the proportion of one pint of boiling water to one ounce of dried hyssop flowers; let it stand ten minutes; pour it off into a wine bottle, and take a wine-glass, or rather less, according to age, two or three times a day.

* Teething was thought to be a common cause infant mortality in the 19^th century, however most "teething deaths" were actually caused by opium poising from the opium and morphine teething infants were treated with.

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884):

Uterine Hemorrhage — unfailing cure. — sugar of lead, ten grains; ergot, ten grains; opium, three grains; ipecac, one grain; all pulverized, and well mixed. Dose, ten to twelve grains; given in a little honey or syrup.    In very bad cases after childbirth, it might be repeated in thirty minutes, or the dose increased to fifteen or eighteen grains; but in cases of rather profuse wasting, repeat it once at the end of three hours, or as the urgency of the case may require.    In every case of female debility make liberal use of iron, as the want of iron in the system is often the cause of the trouble. Mix fine iron filings with as much ground ginger. Dose, half a teaspoon three times daily in a little honey or molasses, increasing or lessening the dose to produce a blackness of the stools. Continue this course until well.

Do not try this at home.

I just talked to another nurse who works with my primary care nurse and was told that I should wait until tomorrow to see if it gets worse and confirm that it isn't just some other sort of eye irritation. If it turns out to be conjunctivitis they'll send in a script to Walgreens. I won't actually need an appointment at all.

purpleglitter found one of my zyprexa pills in an old bag of hers today. That brings back memories, though not good ones.

I haven't been on that nasty shit for around 5 years. On it, I gained 50 pounds in 2 months, providing me with stretch marks, triggering eating disorders that lasted years, perhaps permanently screwing up my metabolism. All that for the first in a line of zombie pills I was given.

At the peak, I had 7 prescriptions – 5 of them psych drugs. For years I was deluded that some drug cocktails would be the answer. I clung to the belief that they would offer some sort of "cure" or at least would help me get through "it".

Well, at least I learned a very important lesson: the only thing that can get me through "it" is me. Realizing that – truly realizing that – has allowed me to make the progress I have these last couple years. I just wish I didn't have to take all those gorram drugs to learn I didn't need them.

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in

#	Interest	Score	Google it
1	kappa delta	16	huh?
2	ta kala diokomen	12	huh?
3	ssi	11	huh?
4	disability	10	huh?
5	michelle tea	10	huh?
6	kd	8	huh?
7	energy work	8	huh?
8	tones on tail	8	huh?
9	danielle dax	7	huh?
10	jean genet	6	huh?
11	ada	6	huh?
12	social security	6	huh?
13	antidepressants	6	huh?
14	iszoloscope	6	huh?
15	chronic pain	6	huh?
16	tear garden	6	huh?
17	pharmaceuticals	6	huh?
18	joel peter witkin	6	huh?
19	max ernst	6	huh?
20	gavin friday	6	huh?

Type your username here to find out what interests it suggests for you. Popularity Ceiling: (Please be patient!)

changed by ouwiyaru based on code by ixwin
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Reading about the death of a LiveJournal user that I never interacted with, I find myself shocked and appalled by the behaviour of their so-called friends. They are attempting to organize some sort of "memorial concert" at the same time they had one of his cats put to sleep because no one could be bothered give the beloved animal its daily medication. Some friends. Have fun at your fucking party.

I saw my endocrinologist today. As normal, she renewed my prescription and had my blood drawn. As part of the exam, she asked if I had any leg swelling. I mentioned the oddness behind the backs of my right knee and elbow and that my primary care nurse thought they were lipomas, but that I was doubting that assessment. She took a look at my knee and agreed that there was not a lipoma there. She suggested they might be ganglion cysts, but wasn't so sure because they appeared too lateral in form.

She suggested that I see a rheumatologist for a more specific diagnosis, but that my primary care nurse would have to give me a referral. I told her that I doubted my primary care nurse would, as she doesn't believe anything I say; to which my endocrinologist replied "She'll believe me.". At least I'm getting someone to believe something health related isn't in my head.

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in:

#	Interest	Score	Google it
1	kappa delta	16	huh?
2	ta kala diokomen	12	huh?
3	ssi	11	huh?
4	disability	10	huh?
5	tones on tail	8	huh?
6	chronic pain	8	huh?
7	transitioning	8	huh?
8	kd	8	huh?
9	tear garden	6	huh?
10	pharmaceuticals	6	huh?
11	lycia	6	huh?
12	shadow project	6	huh?
13	specimen	6	huh?
14	dennis cooper	6	huh?
15	cranes	6	huh?
16	march violets	6	huh?
17	mephisto walz	6	huh?
18	in the nursery	6	huh?
19	dennis kucinich	6	huh?
20	4ad	6	huh?

Type your username here to find out what interests it suggests for you.
Popularity Ceiling: (Please be patient!)

changed by ouwiyaru based on code by ixwin
Find out more

Money can't buy happiness. This is true. However, it can eliminate a lot of the causes of stress and sadness. Yes, the rich suffer too, money affords more opportunities to alleviate that suffering. Money can rid one of having to worry about unstable housing or the affordability of food and medicine. A trip to the emergency room doesn't decimate the finances of the well-off, and if one has wealth one has the luxury of being able to prepare an emergency fund for any unforeseen blip in their cash flow.

Pervasive in this culture a perception is that wealth = good; and motivated, hard-working people will end up rewarded. The reality is that wealth has a lot more to do with luck than it does anything else. Yes, there is work involved, but the idea that the $400 million CEO works harder than the day labourer is ridiculous. If the labourer ends up in a nasty car wreck and falls into utter financial ruin, it is perceived as their fault and that they deserve their fate. The CEO who screws up often still makes off with millions in severance.

The simple act of making money may not be evil in and of itself, but neither is it a virtue. There is no inherent dignity in wealth. The past clings too hard to the future, and we still live with the age-old stench of poverty = moral inferiority. The rich have their money because they are the best stewards of it. The poor wouldn't know what to do with it and would simply squander it. When the rich get richer, everyone will benefit as those on top unzip their flies and trickle down on the unworthy beneath them. Bullshit.

Skye is a joy to take to get her regular hormone shots. She is extremely excited to get into the travel cage. She loves seeing the outside and riding in the car. She loves to hear all the other birdies and sounds that are outside. After her visit this last weekend, I took her for a short walk through the trees on the shore of Spy Pond. She got to look out over the water through the leaves and bobbed her head as starlings flew by.

When Skye lived with her previous owners, she escaped for 3 days in the Maine winter. She survived, but what adventures she had I'll never know. I think the experience gave her a taste, maybe even a lust, for the outside. These trips light up her eyes, and I think they should be continued even if at some point she no longer needs her shots.