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I've been so angry lately. I don't know why. I really don't have anything to be angry about. Things are a bit stressful right now, but I've been under far more stress in the past and haven't felt like this. It's a raw, seething, deep and senseless anger. There is no direction, no reason, it's almost primal in its nature. I'm snappy and hotheaded and I fear my anger is rubbing off on those around me like a plague. I need to take a day and just focus on this anger and where it is coming from and what to do about it. I need to set aside a day of peace and meditation and reflection and figure it out. | |||||||||||||||||
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frustrated| Project Schedule - Attempt 3, Week 4, Poll | |||||||||||||||||
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Poll #828329 Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All What change should I make to Project Schedule next week?
View Answers add art add bird watching add crafting add dancing add lavish attention on birds add lj projects add meditation and reflection add music practice add non-lj online projects add photography add reading add walking add writing expand building geek skills expand lavish attention on expand non-cooking domestic activity make no changes remove building geek skills remove lavish attention on remove non-cooking domestic activity end project schedule | |||||||||||||||||
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1 (7.1%)| On Hypocrisy | |||||||||||||||||
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I have not met one person who is free from hypocrisy, and I will dare to say never will. Of course I, myself, am most definitely a hypocrite as well. I would note, however, that there are two flavors of hypocrisy: intentional and unintentional. Unintentional hypocrisy is the hardest to avoid. As subjective beings we cannot truly judge ourselves, and therefore often will not always notice that we are sometimes guilty of the very things we rail against. We have no true mirror and therefore avoiding unintentional hypocrisy altogether is impossible. That does not mean that we should not work to minimize such hypocrisy, as it is a source of suffering for both us and those around us. Introspection and meditation can help reveal some of our own unintentional hypocrisy. The best we can do is a partial solution, but it is one worth striving toward. Intentional hypocrisy, on the other hand, is more akin to lying. It is fully possible to avoid this sort of hypocrisy as it only takes discipline to do so. However, whether it is wise or best to always do so is another question entirely, the morals of which I'm not entirely interested in discussing in this post. From a subjective point of view, it is often hard to tell if someone's hypocrisy is unintentional or intentional. We cannot know what another is thinking nor can we truly understand how their mind works. The hypocrite in question could be dissociating or otherwise forgetful of their own activities. Alternatively, what seems simple and obvious to you might not be as obvious to someone else. "Should know" does not intention make, although perhaps one could forge a middle-ground when the hypocrite in question is intentionally ignorant. The easiest way to minimize hypocrisy is to call yourself out. To admit to your own failings as you would point them out in others. I attempt to do this, but again I am not perfect and I fail sometimes. Is this an excuse? No. It just is. | |||||||||||||||||
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contemplative| Project Schedule - Attempt 3, Week 3, Poll | |||||||||||||||||
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Poll #822528 Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All What change should I make to Project Schedule next week?
View Answers add art add bird watching add building geek skills add crafting add dancing add lavish attention on birds add lj projects add meditation and reflection add music practice add non-lj online projects add photography add reading add walking add writing expand lavish attention on expand non-cooking domestic activity make no changes remove lavish attention on remove non-cooking domestic activity end project schedule | |||||||||||||||||
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| Project Schedule - Attempt 3, Week 2, Poll | |||||||||||||||||
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Poll #817263 Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All What change should I make to Project Schedule next week?
View Answers add art add bird watching add building geek skills add crafting add lavish attention on birds add lj projects add music practice add non-cooking domestic activity add non-lj online projects add photography add prayer and meditation add reading add writing add walking expand lavish attention on make no changes end project schedule | |||||||||||||||||
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| Project Schedule - Attempt 3, Week 1, Poll | |||||||||||||||||
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Poll #812577 Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All Which scheduled activity should I add for the coming week? (note that the point of this is to have a schedule and an activity's appearance on this poll does not imply that I do not already do that activity)
View Answers art bird watching building geek skills crafting lj projects music practice non-cooking domestic activity non-lj online projects play with birds play with prayer and meditation reading writing walking [[EDIT: ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} mazzy should be mazzycat]] | |||||||||||||||||
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rushed| Salvation | |||||||||||||||||
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no prayer will save you no angel is coming no level of consciousness will lead from here none of us can ever leave we are bound to this place because we are this place we are you and we are me we are the rocks and the oceans and trees and the mountains we are the beyond the veil and we are the veil there is nothing that is not this place as there is nothing is not us we are this place we cannot leave ourselves | |||||||||||||||||
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awake| Project Schedule - Attempt 2, Week 2, Poll | |||||||||||||||||
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Poll #732383 Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All What change should I make to my schedule next week?
View Answers Add arts and crafts. Add building geek skills. Add music practice. Add non-cooking domestic activity. Add online projects. Add prayer and meditation. Add writing. Make no changes. End Project Schedule. | |||||||||||||||||
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| Project Schedule - Attempt 2, Week 1, Poll | |||||||||||||||||
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Poll #727681 Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All What is your name?
View Answers arts and crafts building geek skills music practice non-cooking domestic activity online projects prayer and meditation reading writing | |||||||||||||||||
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optimistic| Finding My Way Back | |||||||||||||||||
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I feel very good right now. A lot less dissociated than I have been for a while. I had a cigar then went down to Spy Pond. I sat near the shore and meditated. I have drifted back away from mindfulness in my life, and I have forgotten how wonderful it is to find that place. To look at the amazing that exists all around me. I do better with short to medium length meditations spread throughout the day than I do with longer ones. No matter how hectic any day is, no matter what else I have to do, no matter where I am, I must do these meditations. They are better than any psych med ever was. My mind gets lost in loops and I lose the path. I become distanced from myself, those around me, and the Everything. But, it is okay that that happens. It is the way I am. The best I can do is keep to the path as best I can and accept my limits. I am the way I am for a reason, and I must take my problems with my blessings. | |||||||||||||||||
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peaceful| Temper Control | |||||||||||||||||
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My temper has been showing through again lately. I need to reign it in. That needs to be a goal. A new meditation regimen is in order. purpleglitter thinks that the hormone imbalance my endocrinologist noted may be causing some of my moodiness. Perhaps, but that is no excuse. Must calm my mind. Must seek center again. | |||||||||||||||||
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| Project Schedule - Week 4, Day 1 | |||||||||||||||||
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Finally, success. First, I did my hour of reading: the sixth Harry Potter book. I haven't read it yet, because the ending was spoiled for me making me a lot less enthusiastic about reading it. I've finally decided to read it anyway, as JK Rowling's works are written well enough to enjoy even if the end is already known. Then I did my hour of prayer and meditation. I began by going down to Spy Pond and praying on the rocks. I then went back home, smoked some salvia divinorum, and meditated the rest of the hour. Finally, I practiced bowing on the viola for an hour. I did take several breaks during this hour as my arm has been allowed to become lazy and is not yet used to the workout. If I keep up the practice routine, I should be able to eliminate the breaks in a matter of days and by the end of the week move onto fingering. I've got some momentum right now, hopefully I can keep it going. | |||||||||||||||||
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| Project Schedule - Week 4, Plan | |||||||||||||||||
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groggy| Project Schedule - Week 4, Poll | |||||||||||||||||
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Poll #688715 Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All What change should I make to my schedule next week?
View Answers Add non-cooking domestic activity. Add arts and crafts. Add building geek skills. Make no changes. Remove music practice. Remove reading. Remove prayer and meditation. End Project Schedule. | |||||||||||||||||
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| Project Schedule - Week 3, Day 3 | |||||||||||||||||
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I went down to Spy Pond to do my meditations, but couldn't really get in the mindplace. I don't think I'm going to end up doing anything on Project Schedule today. It has been suggested to me that I cut back on Project Schedule as it really doesn't seem to be happening. ---- Much of the park on the shore of Spy Pond has been blocked off for over a year, and still is. Why? Because the "Friends of Spy Pond" succeeded in getting the city of Arlington to finance their anti-goose renovations. The two cornerstones of this plan have been the building of an fence between the pond and the park to keep the geese out of the park and the planting of species of grass that the geese supposedly won't eat. The main reason the majority of the park has been blocked off for so long is that the anti-goose grass takes much longer to grow than standard species do. However, the geese don't seem to be waiting to chow down on it. They love it and seem to think of the "grass the geese won't eat" |