I've started making candles again. My new idea is flower candles.

I bought some flower shaped flexible cupcake molds. Planning on taking advantage of the contraction of the cooling wax, I filled in the depressions that form at the top of the solidifying candles with a different colour wax. I had hoped they would look like nice flower centers. However, the wax didn't fill evenly, making for extremely irregular centers that don't really say "flower" at all. For my next batch, I'm planning to pick up some metal rings at the hardware store that I can use as a secondary mold for the center. If they turn out well, I'll post pictures.

I've had several people complain about my appearance, saying something must be done. I look to ratty, my clothes are often tattered. I should die my hair or at least brush it more often. Wear lipstick. Do something.

However, I like how I look. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I've stopped trying to fit into a mold or a subculture. I'm exploring my own ground. And while I may get a little down about my weight now and again, I'm finding peace there too. I don't want to go back to being the bulimic stick I was years ago. I might be "overweight", but I'm pretty healthy (well, except for the falling down/seizure/twitchy/dizzy/whatever the hell they are spells).

I don't mind that people think I look like some "crazy woman". I am a crazy woman. I embrace that. It took me a long time to be comfortable in my skin. To be comfortable being what I am. I have come to realize of late that beauty is not about who or what you are, it is about not fighting who or what you are. I'm letting myself be me, and I like it.

I am not saying that there isn't room for improvement or bettering. While I have come far, I have a long way to go still. But as I move ahead I want to add more than replace. I no longer don't want to be me, and those who want me different will have to get used to that.