The weekend before last, I lost the cane that Christian had given me. I left it in the shopping cart at the Super 88 and it was gone.

This past weekend, my serpent staff broke. The cane I can brush off as being spacy when I got in purpleglitter's car, but when something happens to the serpent staff it is generally means I've strayed off course. It broke in an entirely new place than it did before - after I repair it, it will have three different sections. I lost my spiritual path of late, life has overwhelmed me.

Life has overwhelmed me because I've let it overwhelm me. I've become frustrated and impatient with things that don't matter, and have been neglecting things that do. I need to be more mindful of my thoughts, actions, and intents. I need to right my path and fix my staff.

Today, a second time, I see the "dirt" of on the wall in the stairwell. I doubted that it was dirt the first time, and now I do even more so. I believe it may be a mould. If it appears a third time, I will be sure of it. The perpetual leaks may have finally sealed our fate. If it is in the walls, we cannot stay. Perhaps this could even explain the sicknesses that trouble us in the house_of_clocks. Where will we go, I do not know. I have thought long this was coming to an end, and eventually it must. Now seems like a time of wind, I can feel it like a dream taking me to the next scene.

This winter will be cold and long. I have met none who doubt.

I left Missouri in February, 1994. I had been living in my car in Columbia, and suddenly I realized "I'm living in my car, why the fuck am I still in Missouri?". My first stop was Terra Haute, Indiana. I had almost gone to college there and wanted to see what my life would have been like if I had.

The only night I spent there, I met Andrea at a coffee house. Andrea was 29 years old and on SSI. Her mother had power of attorney and controlled her finances. The night I met her in that nameless coffee shop, she asked me "Do you want to go to Boston?". I had been planning to make my way down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, but I figured what the hell and replied, "Yes".

The biggest problem with our trip was financing. I had little in the way of funds and Andrea couldn't access hers without her mother's permission. Her mom would never consent to a haphazardly planned trip across the country, so we came up with a plan. I met her mom, and Andrea told her that I was a nice Jewish girl that wanted to go tour the Jewish History museums on the east coast. I did as little talking as possible, worrying that my voice could give me away. To my amazement, her mother bought the story and gave her $650. We left.

At this point the plan was to go to Boston, then head up through Canada and then down the west coast. It was an ambitious plan in a 12 year old 1982 Buick LeSaber. But, I had nothing to lose, so what the hell?

Our first stop was Indianapolis. Nothing very interesting happened there. In fact, we were pretty much bored to tears. Neither of us knowing anyone or even a good place to start looking for interesting people lead to us pretty much not doing much.

Next stop was Cincinnati. Apart from almost getting killed a couple of times, it was about as interesting as Indianapolis. We decided to make the rest of the trip to Boston in one go.

Unfortunately, we didn't make it all the way to Boston as easily as we had hoped. My car broke down in Pennsylvania crossing the Appalachians. We were near the top of a nameless mountain, and pushed the car down to some nameless town. There was a mechanic in that town who was very kind and noted the low-cash situation we were in. He offered to replace the coolant system thermostat for just the cost of parts, which was $40.

We spent the night in the town, then headed on our way. By the time we got to Boston, the car was having problems again. It would only go so far before it overheated, but we completed the trip.

One of the first things I saw upon arriving to Boston was a homeless man being chased out of a Dunkin' Donuts with a broom. I took that as a bad omen.

To save money on parking, we decided to park the car in the outskirts of town where it would be easier to find a spot. Instead, we ended up spending the first night in Roxbury as the car refused to travel only a mile or so at a go. The second night, we stayed on the floor of a ratty apartment of some slight creepy guys Andrea had just met. The third night, we stayed in one of the back alleys of Central Square.

By this time, I was ready to leave Boston. Andrea had just wasted around $60 on new boots while I was struggling to deal with the parking situation. I was very worried that I might lose my car. I told her that I was leaving Boston and she had two choices: come with me or get her stuff out of my car. She refused to do either, so I ended up leaving Boston with a good deal of her stuff.

My car was doing quite badly at this point, and could not go over 40mph. I got pulled over on the Mass Pike around Framingham for going too slow and was told to take another route. I took Route 9 from that point to Northampton. The cooling system was acting up during the trip as well, and I had to make frequent stops. I ended up spending the night on the side of the road somewhere along Route 9 in Central Massachusetts.

After waking up, I noted I needed gas. I had a black cloth skirt on with a black button down shirt with a high collar. I hadn't had access to bathroom facilities, so my face was quite stubbly. I pulled up to the gas station and pumped the gas. When I attempted to pay, the attend said "It's free for the church, Father." Figuring at that point that I could use free gas more than the church, I went with along it.

After limping the rest of the way to Northampton, my car finally died in the parking lot behind the Haymarket my second day in town. A blizzard hit that night, a snow emergency was declared, and my car was towed.

The following morning Liz, who I had just met the night of the blizzard, used her AAA membership to have my car towed from the tow lot to E lot at UMass in Amherst. A semester parking pass for E lot cost only $10 at that point and wasn't restricted to students, so I was able to have my car parked legally until the end of the semester. My car was my home until June, by which time it had decayed significantly and was quickly towed.

I saw a double rainbow this evening after a quick and violent thunderstorm. Perhaps a good omen?

i went downstairs to get a better view. apparently a motorbike was involved. i'm not sure what happened, but the rider is sitting up on the side of the road and while i can't tell the extent of his injuries, they do not appear to be severe.

the accident occurred just as i was posting that i would like to just take off and leave. go somewhere new and start over. or maybe make my journey north and find my destiny.

north, it's been a long time since i heard that call. i don't know if it was some sort of psychotic symptom or real, but that's where the spirit or voice or whatever it was told me to go. it's been a decade since i've heard that call. to nunavut on the shore of the hudson bay on the winter solstice. even if it was real, i don't know if what's there is anything for me there anymore. but i still think about making the journey. finding out if it is real, even if i don't end up coming back.

i don't know what sort of omen the timing of the accident to that thought process is. quite odd. quite odd indeed.

merryperseis mentioned something about coincidences over IM. It got me thinking. Even with the explanation, is WinAmp repeating Stay over and over again a coincidence? Or is it a message or omen of some sort? At this moment in time, with everything that is happening, Stay seems a very odd song for my computer to be repeating. I can't tell the exact message yet, but I don't think it was purely chance.

I knew that ladybug was a good omen. Now to feed the cats and go to bed.

Lake made me breakfast and coffee this morning when I woke up. When I sat down at the table, I saw a ladybug walking by my plate. I put my finger down and the ladybug crawled onto it. It walked all over my arm, checking me out. I put my finger back on the table and the ladybug crawled along on its way. It's going to be a good day.

Just woke up and the first thing I do is step on a fresh hairball. Doesn't bode well for today.