I no longer have a scale, however they weighed me several times while I was on Cahill 3. I found out when I got in that I weighed quite a bit less then I thought I did. Body dismorphia. I thought I weight 220-230lbs, but I actually weighted 204. However, by the time I left I had gained 6 pounds. This is mostly due to the fact that there is little to do but sit, sleep, and eat. I paced the halls a bit, but not near as much as I sat, slept, and ate. I still have an ideal weight for myself of 160. I want to go back on the healthy eating plan that I had before I went in. No junk food, and sensible meals. I'm not going to starve myself this time around. I'm going to eat reasonable meals. I want to take this slow. For now I'm going to concentrate just on cutting out junk food. I want to be very careful not to slip back into anorexia or bulimia. I'm almost afraid to seriously diet, fearing that I might get carried away. I should really just learn to be happy with how I look. I've gotten several complements to the effect that I look much better now than when I was a stick. I know I do, because I was way to skinny. 130lbs for my height and build is dangerously thin. So I'm conflicted. The one thing I can get myself to agree on is cutting out junk food, so I'm going to make a serious effort to do just that.

I wish there was something to do tonight. I really need to make more friends. I'm just pacing up and down the hall. I should start some craft project. I have the energy, just not the inspiration. I need to do a lot of chores around the house, but I lack the motivation. I could workout, but I'm not in the mood. I don't know. I have all this energy and can't really find anything to do with it.

We woke up about 15 minutes ago, and made myself a bowl of ramen. I imagine we went to sleep sometime around 2pm (at least that's when I'm hoping I went to sleep). I remember not doing so well yesterday around 1. I was shaking, couldn't calm down. Extreme nervousness shot through my body for no real reason at all. Twitching and pacing throughout the house. Lake insisted I take a Seroquel. I didn't want to, but she insisted until I did.

I don't really remember much after that. I remember reading some of my friends livejournal entries. That's about it. I haven't done the "don't know how and when I went to bed" thing in quite a while. It's always disorientating.