This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time!!

"View weblogs as online journals, no less sacred than a diary hidden between the mattresses."

Yeah, because posting something on the internet is exactly the same as hiding it between the mattresses.

Looking back through my old paper journals, I found a wonderful photo of purpleglitter taken at one of our parties at the old house_of_clocks in 1999.

Spent the night at purpleglitter's apartment. Santa found me here. He left a handmade Snape pocket shrine, 2 pairs of slippers, a journal with Victoria's Secret models all over it, a Victoria's Secret færie doll, a velvet "neitherday" choker, lip gloss, foot cream, and candy. Happy happy morning. purpleglitter doesn't even have a chimney, I wonder how he got in.

i used to keep a journal rating each moment of my life on a 1-10 scale. I'd even use decimals sometimes. i'd average each day and put it in a database. i don't do that anymore. I use LiveJournal now. my therapist would probably be interested in something like that. me doing it again. i'm at a party. must be social.

purpleglitter and I watched Total Eclipse last night. I must say Leonardo Di Caprio as Rimbaud was hot. Hot hot hot. Good story too. Definitely recommended. Got me thinking of an entry I made in my paper journal while I was a patient on Cahill 3:

Sunday, January 19th, 2003 Today went well, only a couple panic attacks. I read A Season in Hell by Rimbaud and introduced a couple patients to Diamanda Galás There are 2 other queer people here, which makes me feel more comfortable. The three of us had some very good talks about being proud of who we are: queer and insane.

I am doing well. I signed a three day note and will hopefully be out Friday. They may allow me to have my keyboard here which is very exciting to me, even if it would be just for a few days. I'm keeping a paper journal and will probably transcribe most if not all of it into livejournal.

posted by purpleglitter

I had a very interesting dream last night. I remember only pieces. Being lost, and asking purpleglitter to borrow street signs. I fully intended to write a detailed post about the dream, but most of it drifted away in the time it took me to get to the computer. In the future, I intend to start keeping a dream journal next to me in bed and writing in it right when I wake up.

I wrote the following in my paper journal while at Pembroke Hospital on May 11^th, two days after my suicide attempt.

Yesterday was a surreal whirlwind. I feel incredibly guilty that everyone is making such a big fuss about me. I am an awful person, why can't they see that? Good news came yesterday. I'm going to be getting disability back from January 2001! That will definitely help our financial situation. Lake read me the comments I got on my goodbye LiveJournal entry. 64 comments. It's weird how many people care about us. It's all very strange. I was overwhelmed with a strange mix of melancholy and happiness. I've completely fucked up everything. I wish I did a better job. The train idea is the way I should go. I should have left the house and went down to the Red Line. I want to do that as soon as I get out of here. I've been practicing jumping off the chair in my room. Pretending it was the platform and imaging the train coming. I want to not only have the bravery to jump, but to also do it with style. My jump has to be just perfect, and I think I've got it right, now. I need to get out of here. I feel guilty about what I have put and am putting the people who care about me through. The sooner I just get it over with, the better. This time I'm going to follow the plan. This time it will work. Yes, I am afraid of death. I know I shouldn't be. I know it is both the best and the only real answer. I can't let fear and procrastination stall things any longer. I have to get past fear and just jump. I can and I will.

Lake will be here in an hour to take me home. I'm so glad to be getting out of here!

I wrote this first in a paper journal and I typed it in at a later time. - Beverly

They are going to release Bouchon at 4:00. Wonderful. Like the world needs him walking around.

Names of other patients have been changed to protect their identity.

I wrote this first in a paper journal and I typed it in at a later time. - Beverly

The nurse just told Jessica, the woman Bouchon attacked, that she should stay in her room, because it was upsetting Bouchon that she was out. She said they wanted to de-escalate the situation. Someone will be watching Bouchon all night and he will be transferred to another facility tomorrow. Hopefully a more secure one.

Names of other patients have been changed to protect their identity.

I wrote this first in a paper journal and I typed it in at a later time. - Beverly

They never did put Bouchon in restraints. The rest of us would feel safer if they did. He's just sitting in the hall like nothing happened. Why must we all live in fear because one man has too much testosterone.

Names of other patients have been changed to protect their identity.

I wrote this first in a paper journal and I typed it in at a later time. - Beverly

Bouchon apparently attacked someone. The victim apparently escaped physical injury, but the emotional trauma must be awful. I'm terrified just being in my room, I wonder how she feels out there after being attacked. Bouchon is big and even though he was stopped he's still on the unit and won't be continuously watched. He should be moved to a more secure location.

Names of other patients have been changed to protect their identity.

I wrote this first in a paper journal and I typed it in at a later time. - Beverly

Bouchon (another patient) is very angry. He is walking up and down the hall yelling about hoes. He's punching things. Everyone has been told to go to their rooms. Sally got scared and hid in the wardrobe. Things seem to have calmed down a little now as they've confined Bouchon to his room. I think they are going to put him in restraints.

Names of other patients have been changed to protect their identity.

I wrote this first in a paper journal and I typed it in at a later time. - Beverly

Lake came. How I wish I could go home with her. I have missed her so. She'll come snatch me home tomorrow.

I gave Lake the unused piece of glass I found.

Beverly is writing these first in a paper journal and i am typing them in for her. - Lake

Fucking shit! My case worker left for the day without seeing us. The pdoc says he guarantees that I'll be able to leave tomorrow. I have to stay an extra fucking day because of some stupid person's mistake. Debra says not to show anger. I know she is correct, and will do as she says. I'm sooo pissed off. I skipped art group, where they painted ceramics, to see her. Grrr.

Beverly is writing these first in a paper journal and i am typing them in for her. - Lake

We have chosen Debra as our emissary to the psychiatric world. She's so good at talking to psych people. Most of the rest of us just end up sending up red flags with them, but Debra got the pdoc to agree we should leave today.

Beverly is writing these first in a paper journal and i am typing them in for her. - Lake

Out on a walk, I was hoping Lake would come visit today. At this point I think I'll have to wait until tomorrow to see her.

Watercolor Leaves gentle winds brush watercolor leaves as the stormy minds look on beauty mixes freely with misery here oak and cedar fill the air disguising our broken lives i watch and listen and wait for the day when i can join the gentle winds that brush watercolor leaves

Beverly is writing these first in a paper journal and i am typing them in for her. - Lake