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From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884):
* Teething was thought to be a common cause infant mortality in the 19th century, however most "teething deaths" were actually caused by opium poising from the opium and morphine teething infants were treated with. | |||||||||||||||||
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okay| Game Night | |||||||||||||||||
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I had a good time at ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} dan4th's game night last night. I got there late, but not too late to play Apples to Apples and Chez Geek. I've played the former before, but the latter was a new game to me. I'm definitely going to try to make it semi-regularly to future game nights.porcelaingirl was there, and it was good to see her again. We had a good chat walking on my way to the bus stop home. ----- The bus home was hellishly hot, and I had to get off half way into the trip and walk the rest of the way. I very much dislike the new buses the MBTA has be slowly replacing the old ones with. They have no openable windows, meaning that if it is too temperate for the air conditioner to be turned on, the body heat of the passengers turns the bus into an oven. Even when it is not temperate, the air conditioners can break down and there are bus drivers that believe air conditioning is not needed until the temperature exceeds 95 ºF (35 ºC, 308 K) . My hyperhidrosis ensures that I will become an grumpy and unhappy berv soaked in sweat in these circumstances. | |||||||||||||||||
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blank| Voice Post: | |||||||
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| Staying In | |||||||||||||||||
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I canceled my endocrinologist appointment today because I thought it was more important to see my primary care doctor. I accidentally double booked them for today. However, I just canceled my appointment with my primary care doctor. It's too hot out and I have no clean clothes that are appropriate for the temperature. The heat, lack of cool clothing, and my genetic hyperhidrosis would make going out in the middle of this oven of a day extremely hellish. I don't have enough faith that I'll actually get enough help from my primary doctor to justify going in the current conditions. I am considering canceling my therapy session for today as well. I just do not want to venture out in the heat. I haven't mentioned hyperhidrosis on LiveJournal before, because up until about a month ago I didn't even know that it existed. My brother was recently diagnosed with it. My niece and nephew apparently have it as well. I knew that I had excessive sweating on my face, bottom, and feet. I must use baby power, especially on my bottom, to avoid getting a rash from the sweat. But, I didn't know that this was a disorder. I just thought I happened to be intolerant to heat. When I say excessive sweating, I don't mean just a little sweatier than normal, I mean that I'm drenched in conditions that are just slightly hotter than normal. Activities such as brushing my hair can also trigger it. When it gets extremely hot, the experience is utterly miserable. On the scale of things, it is by far not the worst genetic disorder one can have. However it does make life that much more sucky. I've always had a habit of avoiding situations that would be to hot. A high of 95°F (35°C, 308K) is enough to keep me from venture out during the day unless it is an absolute necessity. The winter is little better than the summer. There are few things I look less forward to than getting onto a heated bus in my winter garb. Everywhere I go in the winter has the heat cranked and I must immediately shed all layers. Spring and fall are the best seasons for me, because it is generally temperate inside and out. I cannot afford any of the treatments for hyperhidrosis and proper treatments are hard to get covered. I have bigger things to deal with anyway, hyperhidrosis just makes them harder to deal with. | |||||||||||||||||
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| Pot Holes | |||||||||||||||||
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I have becoming more and more unstable over the past few weeks. The problems seem to have peeked on monday. I had a particularly difficult time in therapy. My therapist tried to convince me to go the psych emergency room. I didn't go, because I very much don't want to end up in the hospital. My current therapist is very good about not forcing me to do things like that. I was quite out of it when I left therapy. On my way home, I ended up on the ground in the middle of an Arlington side street, drenched in sweat. Several people saw me there and offered to call someone for me, I told them not to, that everything was fine. I told them I knew what was going on (I actually don't) and not to call anyone. I really didn't want to end up at the hospital. Later in the evening I went to Walgreens to pick up some catfood. I ended up on the floor of one of the isles. I was able to get up and out with little harassment, but I went down again in the parking lot. It was very difficult to see. Everything was extremely blurry and I was again drenched in sweat. I spent 20 to 30 minutes in the parking lot feebly telling passersby not to call anyone. Luckily everyone respected that, and left me be. Eventually one of the people living in the apartment downstairs from mine found me and walked me home. I decided it was best not to venture out again that night. I've had many "spells" today and yesterday, but nothing like Monday night. I've managed to stay off the ground. I don't know if the problem is related to psych issues or something else. It's something that I've dealt with for years. The problem waxes and wanes, but never goes away completely. Usually the spells are minor, and don't cause me to end up on the ground, but occasionally they'll be large enough to send me down. I usually (but not always) am able to avoid physical injury when this happens, because I can feel a very major one coming and can move myself to the ground before I actually fall. All that does not help my headspace problems, which as I said, have been getting worse the past several weeks. I've been having many suicidal and self injury ideations. Simple ideations does not spell intent. While I may think about those things, I have not been motivated by those ideations enough to actually attempt something along those lines. The frequency of the ideations is, however, a barometer of my mental stability. I've been getting caught in more loops, and feeling generally doomed and hopeless. I have been attempting to hide these issues, as I was doing so well and I don't want to be seen as sliding backwards. I don't want people to worry about me going back to my old habits. I've worked hard to stop my SI, ED, and suicide attempts. I do not want to travel that road again, and I don't want others to worry that I will. | |||||||||||||||||
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| Geodon Sucks | |||||||||||||||||
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My normal dose of Geodon doesn't seem to get me through the day anymore. I'm going to need to ask for more Geodon next time I see my pdoc. Either that, or ask her to take me off it. Put me on something else if I need it. But I don't want to play the addiction game with Geodon any longer. Take more and more. And, when that won't do, take some more. I'm not going to play. I won't. I want off. It's going to be hard. I just took my nighttime dose. It hasn't kicked in yet. I can feel the sweaty shakes and the twitchs. Everything is flashy. I feel like curling up into a ball on the floor. I need to stop this Geodon game. I don't like it. I've tried to quit before. Always with disasterous results. I must find a way out. I can't keep playing. I can't. | |||||||||||||||||
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| Feeling Worse | |||||||||||||||||
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i took cold medicine but i feel worse i can't tell if i'm hot or cold or if i should be i'm dizzy i can't think right i'm sweaty and cold and hot my socks smell bad gotta clean them i don't know where most of my socks went they seem to be disappearing i'll put baking soda in them for the time being i don't really feel up to cleaning and i need to wear something on my feet everything is spinning maybe i can find some clean socks maybe i can find any socks they're all gone the angles in the room are bizarre and everything is spinning | |||||||||||||||||
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sick| Nasty Cold | |||||||||||||||||
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i have a nasty cold it hit me yesterday afternoon and i haven't been able to shake it made for some interesting dreams last night kept trying to wake up thought something really bad was going to happen if i didn't wake up but i couldn't wake up i just kept going into other levels of the dream i woke up very sweaty and cold i'm twitchy on top of it all i hate being sick blah hopefully this isn't the flu | |||||||||||||||||
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| Drifting Off | |||||||||||||||||
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i am tired groggy and disorientated we are about to watch a movie i need more coffee i feel the twitchiness coming back i need more coffee maybe an ativan purpleglitter is in the kitcheni am hungry, but i don't want to eat i keep forgeting where i am drifting off coming back. my palms are sweating even though i know it's not hot i am shakey. here comes the movie the previews have started | |||||||||||||||||
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| Jungle wa Itsumo Hale nochi Guu | |||||||||||||||||
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| merryperseis took me out to Akbar's tonight for yummy Indian food. We ordered both our dishes "hot". After the meal, the waiter asked if the spiciness was too hot, and we told him no. I said "If it doesn't make me sweat, I don't like it..". He replied, wearing a big grin, "Next time, I'll make you cry.". I want to go back soon. Hopefully we'll get the same person. ----- After dinner, we went to a MIT/Anime showing of Jungle wa Itsumo Hale nochi Guu. It was incredibly funny. I want to see more of it. We only saw four episodes, and I hear there are 26. The creators of that show must have been some serious hallucinogenic drugs. Good stuff. | |||||||||||||||||
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happy| Paths in the Corn - rev.2 | |||||||
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I wrote this poem this afternoon. I tried to post it earlier, but it didn't go through.
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high| Paths in the Corn | |||||||||||||||||
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I wanted to get some things down on paper before we start taking our new meds tonight. I'm worried that we'll lose our creative spark if we don't. The following poem chronicles the events of a brief moment in the small hours of autumn when I was homeless living in Western Massachusetts about 8 years ago.
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| Deals | |||||||||||||||||
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I've gotten a lot done today. This afternoon I made a deal with Lake. She'll clean my playroom (which she'll do later) and I'll move everything from her office to the livingroom (because her office is about to become Petra's room). There was a lot of stuff in Lake's office. It took me two hours of almost non-stop sweaty work, but I got it done. After that I took a nice long shower. Late this afternoon I helped vonjenef customize her lj over yahoo messenger. Didn't help as much as I could have in person, but she is far away from here, stuck in Missouri.This evening I added a page for Requiem for a Dream to my movie section. Lake found the links in exchange for setting up Lake's computer in the livingroom. Lake is a computer genius and perfectly capable of setting up her own computer, but she was tired out from setting up everything else for her office in the livingroom. It might seem unfair that I still have my playroom and Lake loses her office, but there is a major advantage for her to move her office in the livingroom: it is air conditioned. In this weather that is a BIG advantage. | |||||||||||||||||
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| Blessed Air Conditioner | |||||||||||||||||
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Today has gone well for the most part. I've spent most of my day watching TV and playing with Lake in the newly air conditioned rooms. Since the room with my computer in it isn't air conditioned, I've been avoiding it. Code Red seems to have abated. However, we're going to wait until tomorrow to switch back to our regular e-mail. I did get two new scratches today. Nothing I'd really call a cut, just scratches. One on my chin from hugging Madeleine when she was in a bad mood. Another, self-inflicted with a wish pod. I guess I should make a wish with it now that it has been anointed in blood. Both of those events were minor, and I want to reiterate that we've had a pretty nice day for the most part. Later I'm venturing out into the heat to Petra's house to watch movies. I know that's insane. I know I'll be dizzy and dripping in sweat by time I get there. I know I should just stay home and relax, but I want to get out. The biggest thing I don't like about going out on the busses on days like this is the damn drivers that refuse to use the air conditioner and insist on locking the windows shut. It's like traveling in a crowded sauna. Regardless of the heat and the buses, I'm excited about going out and seeing a friend. It is something we don't do nearly enough. | |||||||||||||||||
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relaxed
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