Just got back from therapy. We discussed both reasons I have been considering therapy. I discussed the events of the last week and told her that I didn't want to be on psych meds and that it has completely solidified my previously existing distrust of the medipsych establishment and want to leave every part of it, including therapy. She said that she did believe that I needed psych meds. I explained that if I start taking psych meds, the best case scenario is that just when they get the regiment straightened out to where it is helping me, I'll have to go off them again because on January 1^st I'll be dropped from the MassHealth prescription plan and placed on the new Medicare prescription plan with its much higher co-pays and lack of flexibility. I'll be lucky to be able to keep affording my hormones, much less taking on the additional hassle and cost of psych meds. She thought that was a sound reason not to take them, and said she respects that decision. It's things like this that help me separate her in my mind from the medipsych system in general. Yes, she works in the system, but she is not a fan of it. I figured out that I do want to remain in therapy with her.

However, want might not be the biggest part of the equation. If I lose MassHealth, I may have to leave therapy whether I want to or not. Robin wants me to keep in touch with her on what happens in that regard. She was frustrated that DMH didn't work out, but blames them more than me, which makes me feel better even though I blame myself. Losing MassHealth will screw up more things than just therapy, I really hope that it doesn't happen.

I'm not really good about getting things done. I have some sort of strange blocks about forms and bills and the like.

The KeySpan called today requesting tribute with the tribute with the threat of discontinuing service. I have money in my bank account earmarked for them, I just hadn't sent it out. I ended up paying via check by phone, and the house_of_clocks will not be losing its gas service. I need to similarly placate Verizon at somepoint soon.

After talking to KeySpan, I decided to call MassHealth as I need to get my reenrollment straightened out. I knew that the forms they sent me in June were due sometime in late August, however I completely lost them. My therapist reminded me last Monday that I have a case manager with MassHealth and that it was their job to handle my reenrollment. She said I shouldn't be filling out the forms at all. Unfortunately the first thing I found out upon calling MassHealth was as a cost cutting measure they let all the case managers go. I was then informed that the forms need to be received by August 20^th, and that it will take them 3-5 days to get replacement forms to me. So I may experience a gap in my coverage. I don't know if I'm put on the waiting list if my coverage lapse, but if I do I may end up months without MassHealth. I do still have Medicare, but there are sizable co-pays on just about everything. I am just scraping by already and can't afford the co-pays, especially since I will also be having to pay the Medicare premium that MassHealth currently pays (around $60 a month). I would have to consider healthcare and emergency only thing. That would seal the deal on quitting therapy. I know I made my own bed with this one, but it sucks anyway.