Poll #348894
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In general, do you trust psychiatric professionals?

I walked to purpleglitter's apartment at 1:00am so she didn't have to wake up alone on her birthday. It's nice that she lives in Arlington now, and I can just walk over. Especially as her car is in the shop.

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I forgot to bring my foundation with me, so I'm going to have to walk back home without any makeup on. I plan to play Cousin It, and cover my face with my hair. I learned that trick in the hospital, because it often would be some time before I'd get someone to watch me with sharps in the morning, so I'd have to walk around with my face unshaved. Not wanting anyone to see that, I'd cover my face with my hair. Sometimes the staff would gripe at me "Let's see your face." or "You can't walk around like that.", but I would generally ignore them.

I was released at noon Thursday. purpleglitter picked me up and took me out for Indian food. I was very glad to see her and be wandering about again. We bounced around town a little bit, then headed to the house_of_clocks.

A couple hours after we arrived at the house_of_clocks, merryperseis came home. With her, she brought Indian food. We all ate what she had brought and sat in the kitchen and talked. It was very good to be able to hug her without getting squawked at by the nurses.

I had been planning on getting drunk Thursday night, but I changed my mind. I simply had one drink and crazymaureen came over. Her, purpleglitter, pillowkisser and I sat in the livingroom and talked. crazymaureen brought even more Indian food. I guess I'm well known for liking it.

I had forgotten why I liked spending time with crazymaureen, it's been so long. But, now I remember. There's something about her energy. She's unique and herself, and not afraid to be so. She's made some mistakes, true, but I she means well. Old friends are good.

purpleglitter spent the night. Someone to cuddle in with on the first night home. I very much liked that. Warm against the cold outside.

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Yesterday was my first day at the partial. I arrived late because I didn't realize I was going to actually go until after 9:00am. I had many panic attacks during the program, but all in all I'm glad I went. There are 2 people there that were there last time I went. One never left and the other has returned like me. I'll be heading back Monday.

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pillowkisser and I met bathofblood and ms_brass at the Diesel Café. I was having a good time, but unfortunately had a very bad panic attack and had to leave early.

pillowkisser forgot her hat, so we returned to get it. Back at the Diesel, charliegrrrl invited us to attend the polyamory circle, which was meeting in the back. We did, and met several interesting people, several of whom I gave wish pods to. After about an hour, we decided we ought to be heading back home, so excused ourselves and left.

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Back at home, pillowkisser, merryperseis and I congregated in my room. merryperseis and I had drinks while the three of us listened to music and talked. We had a very merry time, and around 2:00am pillowkisser went back to her room and merryperseis and I fell asleep in each other's arms.

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At some point today, I plan on posting much about the experience of my recent hospitalization.

Last Thursday, I went to my 3:00pm evaluation at the Crisis Center at the Lexington Center for Mental Health. We were evaluated by a person name Susan for about half an hour and she determined we were in need of hospitalization. I was okay with that, but made it clear that we did not want to go back to Holy Family. I told them "Anywhere but Holy Family.".

After I had been waiting in the waiting room for quite some time (I don't know exactly how long, time was a blur), Susan came back and told us that she had section 12ed (involuntary committed) us to Holy Family. I told her I wasn't going to go. I asked her to find someplace else. I begged her to find someplace else. She replied that it was too late, I was already section 12ed to Holy Family.

I told her that I wasn't going to back to Holy Family. I started for the door. Susan told me that if I left, she'd have to call the police. I left anyway.

Knowing the police would be coming for me, and that they'd eventually find me, I made my way quickly to the Brooks Pharmacy in a nearby stripmall. At Brooks, I bought 2 bottles of Nyquil, a bottle of sleeping pills, and some candy.

Leaving Brooks, I saw a police car entering the parking lot. I quickly ducked into a clothing store. Pretending to browse behind the racks, I kept an eye on the window. The police car drove slowly by, but didn't see me.

A minute or two later, I peeked out of the store. The police car was still in the lot look in the windows. I quickly and calmly walked in the direction opposite the way the police were heading. I walked into McDonalds and out the other side.

I scurried off into the woods and took the sleeping pills, washing them down with one of the bottles of Nyquil. I also ate a few of the candies.

After the drugs had started taking effect, I decided I wanted to say goodbye to some of those I love. I was in a quite delirious state at the point, and didn't fully realize the risk of capture involved in such an endeavor. I left the woods and walked back to the strip mall. I brought my bag of goodies with me, because I didn't want to litter. I noticed another police car enter the lot, and I quickly ducked back into the McDonalds and sat down at one of the tables.

The police officers spotted me this time. I was pretty unmistakable in my satin and velvet pajamas, silk bathrobe, wild pigtails, and cats eye glasses. I'm sure the officers didn't have much of a problem identifying me at all.

As the police entered, I quickly finished what little was left the bottle of Nyquil, and downed a few stray sleeping pills that had fallen into the bag. Not the wisest move at that point, I admit, but I wasn't thinking very clearly.

The police asked me if I was Karen Luketin. To which I replied truthfully, "No". Our name is Beverly Luketin. I showed them our ID to prove it, holding my thumb over the word "Luketin". I said smugly, "See, my name is Beverly". Of course, the police took the ID, looked at it, and noted that my last name was Luketin. They knew I was who they were looking for.

The preceded to ask me about the pills, about which I was very cryptic. Knowing what I had taken, they called in an ambulance. They told me that they had me on a section 12, and there was nothing I could do.

When the ambulance arrived, the police told the paramedics that they were to wait, that the crisis center was sending it's own ambulance. However, when I collapsed simi-conscious onto the ground, the paramedics said they weren't waiting any longer, and rushed me to the emergency room at Waltham Deaconess Hospital.

The emergency room was a blur. I was plugged up to so many things, I felt like a borg. They fed me much charcoal. Apparently our heart rate went up to 175 while we were unconscious. Throughout the night I drifted in and out of consciousness. I made several delirious phone calls trying to tell people where I was. I kept talking to people, then turning my head to realize no one was there. I was hold and looking at things, only to find my hands were firmly and motionlessly folded on my stomach.

purpleglitter and zarthon tried to visit me around 3am, but the emergency room staff wouldn't let them see me. They were told that they weren't my "real" family, and that they would have to go. I didn't even find out that they had tried to visit until I talked to purpleglitter over the phone the following afternoon.

At some point after that, the emergency room staff decided we were in the clear physically. I was told that we were still going to Holy Family. I was very upset, and started ripping out the monitors and the IV. I told them there was no way I was still going after all that. Four orderlies held me down and I was given an quick injection. I awoke Friday afternoon at Holy Family.

The staff has been much nicer to me today, even Jimmy. I seem to have made my point clear: my gender needs to be respected. Sometimes the only way to get through to the staff at a place like this is to throw a fit. Of course, if one throws too many fits they will end up staying in here longer. It is important therefore, to choose one's battles wisely.

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laurellily backed out of the apartment, meaning that if I'm going to be secure in having housing, I need to find a new roommate by the end of october. As I have mentioned in a previous post the house is amazing: hardwood everything, two full baths, bay windows, large bedroom, bus stop in front of house, ten minute walk to T, and you can see the water of spy pond from the sidewalk. It's in east Arlington and the room is only $400 a month. Anyone interested in taking it, please email me at room@neitherday.com.

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The food here is not very edible. I had eaten almost nothing today. Luckily, riga_mortia and purpleglitter came with lots of yummy food. I love them both.

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They are letting me out tomorrow.



posted by riga_mortia

Why is it that in my day-to-day life at this point, my gender identity is only a minor issue, but whenever I deal with psyche people, it becomes a major, and often the only, issue. I don't trust any of the staff here, save one. And there's one particular staff member named Jimmy that feels that it's his duty to be a complete asshole to me at every opportunity. He's incredibly transphobic in an environment that is already transphobic.

To make matters worse, the doctor that is assigned to me doesn't believe that DID is a real issue. He seems to think that multiples are just "faking."

The other patients here are wonderful. I get along with all of them very well. It's the staff that's the problem. But the staff is so much of a problem that I can't deal with being here. I've been here before and I knew I didn't want to come back. That is why, when they told me at the crisis center that I was section 12 here, I ran off and attempted suicide. I would quite frankly rather be dead than be at Holy Family.

After this episode, considering the fact that I was sent here because I was trying to get help, I don't think I ever want to talk to another psyche person again. I don't want their help. I don't want to deal with them anymore. They quite frankly just make me worse, and from now on we're going to deal with our issues on our own, and with the help of our friends.

posted by dan4th

I had the strangest dream last night, well, actually during the day. I dreamt that I was in the children's ward of a mental hospital. I was very confused and tried to get out. The nurse told me I'd been there for quite some time. Apparently I was 12, biologically female and the year was 1974 (the year I was born) and I had hallucinated the rest of my life. I would have to stay. My sister had a kid that I didn't know about because I'd been out of it for so long. I didn't want to believe it, but they kept showing me all these records. It was all so realistic that it took me a few minutes after I woke up to convince myself that I didn't just slide back into my delusional world.